To be upset by what I heard from next door

[Everythingnotsavedwillbelost22]

My Neighbours have 2 young kids- eldest is about 2 and a 6 month old baby. DP and i went to a gig last night & our kids went on sleepovers and we got back late.

Anyway, we got in at about 1am and all I could hear was the mum shouting at the hysterical screaming older child- it sounded like the 2 year old had woken up, woken them up and wouldn’t go back to sleep (I could hear this thru the walls as we are terraces). She was shouting at the child to go back to sleep, the child was hysterical & it went on and on and on - then it sounded like she left the child on their own and the child was possible throwing themselves about as there was repetitive banging because she had left them in their room. This went on for 2 hours & kept me awake- I must have fallen asleep at about 3am.

it was AWFUl to hear it though- the was she was shouting at the child, the hysteria of the child etc. It’s really upset me as the child sounded so distressed, particularly the repetitive banging.

it’s not the first time either. Aibu to feel upset- what do you do?

it is no wonder your 4 year old is still having tantrums if you reward her with cuddles

I work in healthcare and as a professional I would be fired for not bringing something like this to the attention of safeguarding staff. Obviously it’s different as this didn’t happen in a professional setting but still, it sounds awful. Especially since you have actually been woken up by shouting several times. It’s possible the child has special needs if they’re not sleeping and are regularly challenging. Perhaps they are not coping. I would call SS, worst thing that can happen is they find something wrong and keep the children on a care plan, best thing that can happen is that the parent needs the support and gets it. Definitely report it sooner than later. And report every time it happens. Tbh I would call the police if it’s that distressing.

For those people suggesting visit the parent. Parents that are party to child abuse lie. See the Daniel Pelka reports findings for example….
Excuses made by Daniel's "controlling" mother were accepted by agencies
Professionals needed to "think the unthinkable" and act upon what they saw, rather than accept "parental versions"

If you are concerned enough to voice it on mumsnet, report it. Let the professionals check it is all ok. If they need help, it can be provided.

Those saying that you should ignore it when you’re concerned about it - they should give their head a wobble.

Child abuse does happen … and it can be happening at the other side of the wall.
I was abused when I was a child, our neighbour even knocked on the door a few times. He believed it was domestic abuse so once he saw my mum was ok, he left. She was party to the abuse. The neighbour should have reported it, so hopefully I would have been asked what was going on.
I believe my mum has narcissistic personality disorder - she presented the picture of a good mother to the world. Behind closed doors she was anything but. The only ones who suspected something was going on was our neighbour.

Abuse happens. Hopefully all could be well and it’s just a few parenting hiccups but what if it isn’t …

Living in London, many years ago now, I experienced something similar. The mum shouting at her 3 year old to be quiet. Just repeatedly. It was so disturbing. I was pregnant with my first at the time. The next morning I went to the coffee shop and got 2 slices of cake and went knocking on her door to introduce myself. The first thing she asked was if I heard last night and I guess it was on my face. She burst out crying saying how embarrassing and it’s just too much. I never heard them raise voices again after that till we moved away 2 years later.

FGS - I would have rang the police at the time. The banging could have been the poor kid getting beaten.

See so many posts like this after an event has happened.

Not trying to make you feel bad but it really upsets me.

I’d call SS too. I contacted the police when I heard a major disturbance next door, turned out the mum was having a breakdown and they got the help they needed through SS. I know this as I later managed my neighbours husband

How many baby Ps does it take until people take notice and help? Ring SS, they can make an assessment. No issues found? All good. But it could be saving a child from a terrible life.

It would be tempting to have a friendly chat depending on how well you know them.
BUT if it happens again and you want to call ss you are then in a awkward situation as they will know it was you. I would be more tempted to call the health visiting team and they can make contact. As it sounds like they need support and aren’t handling the non sleeper in the way they should.

Please report to your local MASH or local authority safeguarding.
It might be something, it could be nothing, but its definitely everyone's responsibility to safeguard all children and vulnerable people.

It might be the family is struggling, could be mental health issues, or it could be more sinister.

This is terrible advice. I work in children's services. We rely on reports like this to build up a picture of what is going on in a family. If this is the only report then it is likely nothing more than a phone call to see how parents are getting on will take place. However it may be that there have been a number of reports from concerned family members/professionals/random members of the public and this helps build up a picture of what is going on.
OP please report, no social worker will think you are wasting their time.

If you suspect something, report it.

It could be that nothing is going on and social services thus won't make it a priority and will be able to dismiss it.

However it could be that various people have like you heard or saw something that may or may not indicate abuse and your little piece of the puzzle will fit together with all the other pieces and show definitively that this mother is struggling and needs help.

Often these cases are spotted not by classic out in the open abuse, but by a ton of maybe or maybe not, and if everyone veered on the side of maybe not , no or not enough reports would be made and a child could be suffering.

If I was screaming at my toddler like that and scaring my neighbours I fucking hope someone would report me. Because clearly I am not able to manage my anger or whatever else is going on in my life.

ALWAYS REPORT IT. Always. So many babies and children have to live through absolutely horrific lives because people think you should mind your own business.

Children being safe is everyone’s business.

Why not to make a cake and invite the mother for a cup of tea. Talk to her and offer help. A random gesture of kindness often helps - that mother seems very burnt-out and potentially having a pnd

You do not know what the fuck what is social service ‘worthy’. So many people on here do not have a clue about SS and personalise their own experiences into these types of post. You actually sound abusive yourself.

please report, OP; I know for a fact it will be looked at. It is SS job to determine if there are any concerns. We all have a duty to report something that does not feel right when it comes to children/the vulnerable. Do not doubt yourself a minute longer. It is doubt that keeps children living hellish lives. SS also offer support and that fearful tag of them needs to go. Please report.

Sorry quoting your whole reply, am on android phone. I totally agree with everything you've said. The developing brain of a baby and child is so easily influenced by his surroundings and the actions of those responsible for his care. I hate the thought of people shouting and loosing their temper around children. Just because it seems ok for us parents to do it and it won't affect our children please realise that child is a vulnerable little person that needs help to understand what is happening. I understand sleep deprivation, we had it with dd3 and she ended co sleeping with us. She felt safe and secure and we got sleep. I feel so bad for those nights I left her to scream, me following the guidelines that it will never affect her to be cruel to be kind. It broke my heart to do that to her which was completely opposite of my instincts to help her feel safe. Didn't last forever and she's now a teen. I would report op. It's always the child I would be thinking about they need someone to advocate for them. And if all is actually OK then all the better but you'd never forgive yourself if it escalated beyond the parents control.

That’s what I’d have done as well. Especially as you’ve heard other similar things.

It IS a safeguarding issue

See to me this scenario is dangerous.

I would have phoned police.

Don’t just report if this was the first time you have heard it, Sometimes people get upset you might have just heard a bad night! If it always happens then yes it needs reporting

@Everythingnotsavedwillbelost22
You could always offer her some support. It must be incredibly difficult with two very small children and very little sleep.

I worked in Child Safeguarding for a lot of years. This should be reported to Social Services. It is a safeguarding issue.

What on earth? Safe cosleeping is incredibly safe and preventive against sids as it helps regulate baby’s breathing, heart rate and temperature.

maybe do some research before spouting dangerous nonsense

Listen to your gut. Having said that, I have regular night terrors when I sound like I'm being murdered. So sounds can be misconstrued. A phone call.to.the nspcc wouldn't hurt.

I think @Staryflight445 was making a good point - it's not usual for children to die at the hands of their parents but it does happen. I'm amazed sometimes that it doesn't happen more often.
The fact is that yes this should be reported, but I come from the perspective that even when children are on the radar of protective agencies they often miss the issues leaving children unprotected. Don't get me started...

People have different parenting methods. As you say you co-sleep with your children, you’ve probably never been in a position where your DCs have refused to settle and go to sleep, so the situation hearing a child crying when attempting to be settled probably upset you. Personally I dont agree with Co-sleeping, but it works for some. Some parents leave their child to cry themselves to sleep, which is suggested by some professionals. I remember days when mine were little, and I was sleep deprived and was up and down with them during the night, you can kind of lose it, and shout in frustration. This is a scenario played out in lots of households. But doesn’t mean child abuse is occurring.