To not be bothered that I’m overweight

[megz1996]

Hiya all, trying this again.

So I’ve been a big girl since high school onwards but have gradually got bigger over the last few years. I was big when I met DH and bigger now, but he’s really not bothered. I’ve always been confident in myself and love me for me.

I get grief from my family constantly, mostly my mum and sister, which starts as the usual health concerns (and no I’m not denying weight and health are linked) then ends up being about how I look, what DH thinks etc. I know I probably should be more bothered than I am, but I'm just not.

AIBU to not be bothered about my weight, and to want to tell my family to butt out?

Sorry OP, but 23 stone? You may be ok with it, but your body won't be. You're expecting a mini engine to power a fully loaded transit van. It's not going to end well.

They may not be saying what you want to hear/phrasing it well but you really need to listen to someone on this before you bugger yourself right up.

Ps. I'm a fat middle aged six foot plus bloke who's ankles are killing him right this second even though I'm nowhere near 23 stone.

YABU not to be bothered. And your family are absolutely not unreasonable to worry - they have every reason to. They are unreasonable if they nag though - it doesn't work.

What your too young to understand or see is that by the time you get to the age where your going to need help with weight related health issues is that this country will be operating on an American style health service.
Forget your knee, hip replacements unless your able to go private. At the moment a hip replacement in this country is £15,000.
Then there will be health insurance when you go abroad. Your weight will definitely be reflected in your premiums.
Eventually the medication you need will be severely restricted.
picture the day where you can’t use the toilet properly because of the pain in your hip joints.

they are scared they are going to lose you to so many issues which affect over weight people. They didn’t comment when you were slightly over weight - they are commenting when you’re massively over weight.

what else are they supposed to do? They love you and want you live a long and healthy life and they love you - and you are so flippant and lying to yourself that you are fine and healthy.

If you were a bit overweight I'd agree with you, but you are carting the equivalent of a whole extra person with you everywhere you go. The impact on your health will be massive as you get older. You really do need to listen to your family and do something about this.

Id be worried sick if you were my daughter at that weight, however how they communicate that and show support is a different matter.

Unfortunately the media promote 'big is beautiful' and whilst overweight people can look pretty and dress well, it just promotes and normalises obesity - which is irresponsible as the health risks surely should be the importance aspect. It's no different to the media promoting binge drinking and smoking, which of course they dont do.

I haven’t read the full thread but it depends how big you are. I’m about 12 and a half stone at the moment and I’m 5 foot 8. I’m overweight and should really lose a stone but actually when I accept my body I tend to lose weight without thinking whereas when I obsess I don’t lose anything

As your mother I would be extremely worried for you. I work in health and the impact of be being so overweight at such a young age is devastating to your body. It's not at all important how you look that means fuck all BUT your quality of life will go down dramatically terribly at a young age. I have patients that can barely walk at 40 as their joints are fucked. Let alone heart disease, diabetes, cancer, asthma, metabolic disease and on and on. Also it's hard on people caring for you. Moving someone who weights 8 stone is pretty hard going but 23 stone is actually impossible. If you need an ambulance and are upstairs and can't walk you either have to come down on your bum or go through a window with the help of the fire brigade (sometimes taking a window out) that is very expensive for everyone involved and happens a lot.
Once you get a bit older it gets harder to lose any weight and most likely you will get bigger and bigger. You are less likely to be able to get pregnant,less likely to get a high paid job (unfair but true), less likely to fit into planes.
I don't blame your Mum for worrying mine does as I'm a size 14 and have a fat stomach which increases lots of problems too. I'm working on it. Not for my looks but my health. As someone who has had other unrelated health issues nothing is more shitty than poor health

I don’t have trouble walking. I’m on my feet nearly all day at work

I'm not saying you're fibbing, OP, but you will already be having some issues at 23 stone and only 5ft 5. Breathlessness, stamina and so on, compared with people in the healthier weight range or those just overweight.

It's better to do something about it now when you're more able. But as your concerned family can't get through to you I suspect we won't either.

23 stone isn't a matter of being overweight. It's morbidly obese, you should be bothered for the sake of your family.

She is 23 stone at 5ft 5 so it's a very different situation

As long as you're happy in your skin and your weight isn't stopping you doing things, or causing you pain - go for it.

I'd describe myself as "solid". Not fat, but perhaps chubby. I know I'm easily 2 stone heavier than perhaps I should be. But my older sister is quite a lot fatter than I am, always has been. Over the years, it's damaged her knees, and now her walking is quite poor, and she's only 40. I went out with her last week, and she can't walk at anything like a normal speed. She'd take 2 very tottery short steps, to one of mine, and she's a fair chunk taller than me, so should have a bigger step by usual logic. It's deteriorated a lot in a year, and I fear that she'll need some sort of walking aid before too many years.
Would I ever say anything? No. She knows her weight and fitness is very poor. She knows her knees are fucked and she can barely walk. She doesn't need me to tell her. All I can do is try and make things as easy for her as possible.

Thanks @doadeer I just caught up!

yes, definitely different. The biggest I’ve been was 14 stone and I saw a huge difference in my health. That was after an injury that left me unable to walk.

I currently walk an average of 8.5 miles a day and have made some big changes to my health this year such as giving up diet soda drinks. I have only drank water for around 4 months now, I’ve started taking probiotics and healing my gut.

I am concerned about myself at the moment and I’m hoping to be within the healthy range by September.

I wonder if the comments just come from concern. They must be afraid for your health, OP

Even if OP is a troll, I don't understand how posters can see a BMI of 50 and say things like " If you are happy in your skin, it's fine!". BMI is a blunt tool for sure but not at this level.

As long as you're happy in your skin and your weight isn't stopping you doing things, or causing you pain - go for it.

I'd describe myself as "solid". Not fat, but perhaps chubby. I know I'm easily 2 stone heavier than perhaps I should be.

The op is easily 12 stone heavier than she should be. It’s not even nearly a comparable situation.

it’s too short term to consider whether her weight is causing her pain or stopping her doing things now. In the future it will almost certainly cause her harm and by then it’s too late.

Hardly the same situation , you are literally about 8/9 lbs above a healthy weight for your height .

What is it you are actually trying to get out of this thread?

a. winding people up

b. genuinely want to be kick started into caring

c. just musing and venting

d. stick two fingers up at people

I’m hoping most have just not noticed how big the op is.

I imagine you must have had a reason for posting your thread, OP. Weight is such a personal yet widespread issue and when it gets out of control, it causes distress to the person realising their plight and also to all the people who love them. By which time it's enough of a problem to become a bugger to solve.

You are 26 years old. That's very young to have reach 23 stones but, easily done as we now have far more access to highly calorific foods that are easy to develop a taste for - and they're cheap and plentiful.

The question that I think you could ask yourself is, how confident are you that a) you will not gain any more weight and b) as an adult, have you ever been lighter than you are now? If this is the heaviest that you've ever been then it's feasible that even small gains will just add to the problem.

I've heard it said that, up to a certain point, it's possible to lose weight without intervention. After that weight has been reached, it is not.

I know you don't want your family to talk about it - and perhaps that's why you've posted here, for anonymity - but you should be aware of where you are in the grand scheme of predicting/discarding likely future illnesses.

Make your own decision and choices, of course, but understand what those are and the implications of them.

Some GPs can be really helpful and they have access to resources to help.

I never understand the mindset of telling people they need to lose weight.

It’s like telling a smoker than cigarettes cause cancer.

Keeping on about it is not going to suddenly make you want to lose weight.
You know it’s unhealthy to be overweight, smoke, drink too much etc.

Life is too short to be unhappy and if you’re happy then you shouldn’t matter what people say.

That being said I would make sure I didn’t get any bigger especially if you have a job that requires you to be on your feet all day.

A few people said this before the OP said she was 23 stone.
A few others have since said it's good she is happy. Better than being sad I guess, and I think they mean happy in herself, not happy with her weight.
Only one poster (don't quote me, I just did a quick skim) has said it's fine if she's happy.

As others have mentioned, YANBU to want your family to back off. These comments mean well but never help - more often than not they hinder.

But YABU to give yourself such low regard when it comes to caring for yourself.

That's not about how you look, but how you treat your body. Something that took me until my 40s to truly work out and do something about - really wish I'd started sooner. I feel 100% better in myself physically just for dropping a few stones and exercising regularly.

I'm still visibly overweight obese and will always have flabby bits because of how I've treated my body. But my cholesterol and blood pressure are perfectly fine and the exercise I'm doing has genuinely improved the aches and pains that have developed from spending two decades morbidly obese. I'm dropping size/weight at a slow pace, but that's fine. I'm not trying to look better - I'm trying to make my body feel better and that's not going to happen quickly after 2 decades of being morbidly obese. My hope is to reach my 60s as a woman that still has physical independence and can move around with relative ease.

Treat your body better, actively exercise (unless your walking gets you out of breath for sustained periods that's not enough) and moderate your food. There's no need to diet, just be sensible about the choices your making and how it balances across a week. Are there enough vegetables, is there enough proper hydration?

I'd love it if you read my post and thought to yourself - this woman is speaking to me from 20 years down the line from where I am now and listening to her advice could be a good idea for me.