To not be bothered that I’m overweight

[megz1996]

Hiya all, trying this again.

So I’ve been a big girl since high school onwards but have gradually got bigger over the last few years. I was big when I met DH and bigger now, but he’s really not bothered. I’ve always been confident in myself and love me for me.

I get grief from my family constantly, mostly my mum and sister, which starts as the usual health concerns (and no I’m not denying weight and health are linked) then ends up being about how I look, what DH thinks etc. I know I probably should be more bothered than I am, but I'm just not.

AIBU to not be bothered about my weight, and to want to tell my family to butt out?

Only you can decide to lose weight. Everyone has own motivations. I bet your DH is really worried about your health/leaving him widowed young.
Realistically you won’t be able to work as hairdresser in a few years if you are morbidly obese now. What will you do? Again that probably weighs heavily on him as he’s facing being some earner and your carer.
It has other financial implications too eg you may struggle to get life cover if you were buying a house or pay a lot for travel insurance.
Do you like to travel that may be impossible or not financially viable if you need 2 plane seats.
If he’s normal weight what are you eating extra to him. You are obviously taking on a lot of extra calories to be weight you are. If it’s binge eating then I’d look to getting support with that.
You sound like you are on cusp of making changes. Best wishes.

Hey, thank you for a thoughtful post.

Eating, I wouldn’t say I’m a binge eater but I do snack a lot especially in work. I have a pretty bad sweet tooth. I do eat bigger portions than DH, like if we get a takeaway I’ll usually have more food ordered.

Yes, you are right about travel. We do like to travel a lot, and especially planes being uncomfortable is one of the things that is annoying with my size.

I put your stats into a tdee calculator and light exercise. I don’t want to worry you but your bmi is dangerously high.
If you did want to lose weight you just have to subtract 500 calories from your maintenance calories and recheck your tdee fairly regularly as you lose weight because the numbers will change.

My spouse is obese, but it’s up to him to lose the weight. Nagging from me will not help. I have seen what happens though with family members and it’s joints becoming increasingly painful, knee replacements and arthritis. Your body cannot carry all that extra weight forever and you will lose mobility which will restrict your freedom.

You know this thread could be a really good thing for you. You could have that 'wake up call' moment without it needing to come at the expense of your health ie. a diabetes diagnosis, high blood pressure, joint problems etc.

Wishing you all the luck. I have PCOS and lost 40 lbs as a teenager, and have kept it off.

What are you hoping to get from posting?
You are morbidly obese, so you're not fine. Even if you're happy with the way you look. It's the damage you are currently doing to your internal organs which is the most damaging.
As I know from my physio. Using your hips, knees and ankles puts 3x body weight through your joints, so if you continue at this weight, you will likely need replacement joints due to Arthritis
At 26 you have time to change before too much damage
Think about your future self.
I have a 26 year old and if he was as big as you, he'd worry me sick
No parents wants to see their child suffer

If you are on your feet all day, you must really be packing away the food to be that size.
I know you didn’t ask but can you try cutting out a few snacks or reduce your portion size for a few weeks? You’ll notice the difference and then you’ll be more inclined to continue, you just need to find the momentum to keep on keeping on. It’s hard to start with and you definitely need to be in the right mindset but I’m sure you can do it. Your mum and sis must be dreadfully worried about you

No, if I had the choice I’d obviously choose to be a size 10 than the weight I am. I think that’s different to being completely bothered about it though because it’s hypothetical.

You do have the choice, I'm not sure why you think you don't?

Also, you may be a hairdresser now in your 20s but if you fuck up your knee joints, I can't see you being able to continue in that line of work in your 40s.

No, if I had the choice I’d obviously choose to be a size 10 than the weight I am.

You do have a choice. You are inflicting this upon yourself. You eat far, far too much.

If you’d rather be a size 10 then do something about it and stop kidding yourself that you are happy being morbidly obese .

You sound very lovely and honest. I bet you're very pretty too, with the trendy hairstyle (like most hairdressers), etc.

A lot of people have told you that this weight is a choice and it's the wrong choice for the health of your body.

Why is that message not getting to you? What else could be more important than your health? Is, may be, talking therapy the way to go initially to help you understand what is going on?

yes I fully accept I eat far too much. I go through periods of trying to cut down a bit but it just doesn’t stick

Thanks that’s lovely of you to say - one benefit of being a hairdresser is that there’s always one of the other girls to do yours for you for free (so long as you return the favour)!

Hmm. See if you were 14-15 stone and a size 18 I'd say it's none of their business.

@gabagoulghost, I was only13.5 stone when diagnosed with fatty liver disease.

I was told to reduce my weight to avoid permanent liver damage and shortening my life.
My bmi was 30.

I'm generally trying to raise awareness now, that being overweight, even by that much can cause liver damage.

I am lucky to have had time to reverse it before it was too late.

Anyone who is overweight should ask their doctor for a liver panel blood test.

I was older than you when I started to put on weight but then hoovered around a size 18 in my 40’s and put on more weight as I hit menopause.As I am only short at 5ft I was carrying far to much weight but I didn’t worry about it and just it and just carried on. Then I got a reality check when I was diagnosed as a type 2 diabetic. My eyesight was blurring, my fingers were tingling, I had recurring trust infections that were 20 times worse than any I had ever had before, my energy levels were low and I was falling asleep as soon as I sat my fat arse down for 5 minutes and my skin was dry and itchy. I felt bloody awful and looked unhealthy and worn down.
I didn’t want to end up blind or lose my feet, have heart disease or end up on dialysis 3 times a week as I had fucked up my kidneys. I didn’t want years of I’ll health before I died earlier than I should so I started to do something about it. I went low carb, no sugar, stopped being such a couch potato and started to move more which for me wasn’t working out as I don’t do organised exercise well but working in my garden for at least an hour a day and just plain old fashioned walking.
The weight started to fall off quite quickly and my AIC went from 11.9 which is heart attack and stroke levels back down to a more normal 5.5 and all my other results are back within the normal range as well. I am now a size 8 bottom and 12 top as I never lost all my boobs. My skin will never be as tight and firm as if was before the weight went on but at least I don’t have the layers of fat not only surrounding my body but my internal organs as well.
My only wish is I had done something about the weight earlier as my eating is what made me a diabetic so I have no one else to blame and although diabetes can be controlled by diet it doesn’t go away so I am now going to have to stay on a low carb diet for life.
You are a lot younger and have the chance do do something now so why risk it? Diabetes isn’t fun nor is the higher risk of something like 80% of some cancers, heart disease and other health problems. You might be healthy now but you won’t stay that way no matter what you tell yourself.

@Proudboomer well done on changing your life for the better
You're an inspiration 😍