To not be bothered that I’m overweight

[megz1996]

Hiya all, trying this again.

So I’ve been a big girl since high school onwards but have gradually got bigger over the last few years. I was big when I met DH and bigger now, but he’s really not bothered. I’ve always been confident in myself and love me for me.

I get grief from my family constantly, mostly my mum and sister, which starts as the usual health concerns (and no I’m not denying weight and health are linked) then ends up being about how I look, what DH thinks etc. I know I probably should be more bothered than I am, but I'm just not.

AIBU to not be bothered about my weight, and to want to tell my family to butt out?

I KNOW loosing weight can be extremely difficult if not impossible for some people but being overweight is a disaster for your health. You can be fit and strong when you are young but it will catch up with you when you are older. I'm sure there will be posters who will claim to know 80 obese people who are super fit and healthy but you are fooling yourself if you think weight is not a massive issue as you get older.
When you are young being 'old' seems a million miles away but it will come around soon enough.

After the update I'd agree that yabu and of course people are going to be concerned.

I get it, I'm happy with myself and overweight, but as you get older, you do get more health issues related to weight and the older you get the harder losing weight can be.

Change can only come from you though so family nagging you is pointless.

Your family should leave you to it, but I think if you were genuinely not bothered, you wouldn’t have started this thread.

I’m overweight by 2 stones but I’ve seen what obesity can do to people when they’re older - dependent on others to change your nappy, bathe you etc. I would never pretend to be happy for anyone in that situation, but it’s not my business.

YABU. 23 stone is a lot. You're risking a lot of health issues.....

I don’t really know how to answer the ‘why aren’t you bothered’ question more clearly. I know I should be, but when it comes down to it I’m just happy with myself and don’t think about diets etc

BTW my FIL died very young because he was obese - it was up to him what he did with his body but having to see what his wife and daughters and sons went through I wonder why he didn't seem to even try and watch his weight. I obviously never said a word and I don't know what other things were involved (mental health issues etc) but his obesity effected the whole family very very badly

I'm 14st. The heaviest I've ever been. I'm a lot older than you and I've now got diabetes, poor sleeping from snoring and problems with my bladder. All weight related. My family do say things about my weight. Not horrible things but I hate it. Because I know they're right. And in a way, I'm glad they do because it does help in keeping me from going bigger. I'm tired because I'm carrying around 4 stones extra than I should be. My stomach gets in the way when I bend over. And I can't find clothes that look good.

At 23st I can only imagine what a toll that is taking on your body. You will always find people on MN rushing to tell you its OK to be overweight but, just like me, you know it's not. You'll be having breathing difficulties, trouble standing up, feeling pressure on your joints, sweats, rashes etc. And if you're not now, you will. Of course, you are entitled to ignore them completely and live your own life. But they will be worried by how much that life will be shortened. And if they are normal family they will be devastated at the thought of losing you. Sometimes that deviates into more personal comments,because they're trying to get through to you. It's not a successful technique, though, and is more likely to drive us to eat. Being obese does not get easier as you get older, it just gets a lot harder and much more difficult to do anything about. So maybe you are truly happy being so overweight, but there are so many other issues that obesity will bring to your door and its because of those that people want you to make changes.

Woh 23 stone, that's more than over weight OP. I'd be pretty concerned. In fact you should be worried. If you have steadily gained over the years too OP it looks like you may continue the upward trend.

YABU there's a huge difference between being overweight and obese. Why didn't you put you weight in your OP? The voting would look different.

You're an adult You're responsible for your own weight, in the end it's nobody's business. You'll have to live with the consequences as you get older.

OP, this was me two years ago, you don't say what overweight means to you but I was firmly in the obese category with a BMI of 33. However, I heard an advert on the radio informing me that, after smoking, obesity is the number 1 cause of cancer. I didn't know that and was horrified. I lost 70lbs over ten months and feel great, my health has undeniably improved, but that was my choice. I think your loved ones expressing concern for your health as a one off is valid but anything else is not and they should mind their own business, your body, your choice.

Be careful of your liver. I have been diagnosed with fatty liver disease and told to reduce my BMI to a healthy range.
Fatty liver can cause irreversible liver damage and shorten your life.
I feel incredibly lucky that I have time to reverse this (diagnosed during a routine test for something else)

Ask for a liver blood test or scan to check.

www.nhs.uk/conditions/non-alcoholic-fatty-liver-disease/

YANBU. You do you. Try to stay healthy as you can though, as you have kids who need you.

I envy your confidence actually. I'm a slim size 8 but constantly trying to be slimmer. It's so ridiculous but so ingrained.

There was a big gap between me starting and posting that comment and I just read your update. I stick with what I said but please make sure you understand the impact your weight will have on your current and future health before dismissing the idea of losing weight.

I'd be seriously questioning why you're not bothered about health risk (appearance aside) when you understand the link there.
If you have self esteem and are happy I'm within yourself surely you don't want to suffer from diabetes/ heart disease etc.?

I think the body positivity mantra on MN can be very damaging. 23 stone is a lot. And dangerous. IMO, you do you doesnt apply here.

My DH was a very heavy smoker when we met. He always said that I shouldn't say anything about it as it made it harder to quit. But it was awful knowing the damage he was doing to his health, and of course it would affect me if something happened to him, it would devastate me.

So I'm kind of on the fence with this one, as if it comes from a caring place, not a critical one, I can see why they want to say something, even if it's not actually helpful to you.

I am about 23 stone currently so definitely obese.

I can see why they're concerned and why you feel you should be more bothered. However, they can't force you to be concerned about yourself.

Poor health is often the only catalyst for change. My sister has type 2 diabetes and needs a knee replacement aged 41 and both are because of her obesity.

Part of me doesn't believe you you're not bothered about it. Otherwise why even start a thread.

Your family are expected to be concerned.

I think you're worried that there's not much you can do about it, that you'd fail trying to lose the excess; and you're choosing to not do anything about it instead.

But, I don't know you.

Hmm. See if you were 14-15 stone and a size 18 I'd say it's none of their business.

But 23 stone is morbidly obese, and very worrying health wise. If a friend or family member that I loved was that weight I don't think I'd be able to leave it.

It's great that you're happy with your body and appearance, as you should be. It sounds like they're worried about your health. They will not want to lose you, or to see you suffering health issues, which inevitably come with obesity.

You should have put it in your OP as now the voting doesn't make sense. Being obese and that weight is a massive drip feed from stating you were just 'overweight'.

There will be massive health implications. And I'm sorry but you don't see many elderly obese people, if that makes sense and isn't too harsh.

Need to be careful you don't end up having a stroke or a heart attack. Let alone being morbidly obese it will be next to impossible to get pregnant. If that's in your plans you need to do something about it.

And the attitude of it's okay I'm not bothered, surely you'll just continue to gain?

sorry if I didn’t put it in my first post. I was talking as a general point of principal I guess

What principal? That they shouldn't be concerned for your health?

Have you never been concerned for theirs?

I will never fat shame people but I can tell you that now I'm in my forties I'm feeling my weight catching up with me. Do what you can to reach a healthier weight in a healthy way. Future you will thank you.