To not be bothered that I’m overweight

[megz1996]

Hiya all, trying this again.

So I’ve been a big girl since high school onwards but have gradually got bigger over the last few years. I was big when I met DH and bigger now, but he’s really not bothered. I’ve always been confident in myself and love me for me.

I get grief from my family constantly, mostly my mum and sister, which starts as the usual health concerns (and no I’m not denying weight and health are linked) then ends up being about how I look, what DH thinks etc. I know I probably should be more bothered than I am, but I'm just not.

AIBU to not be bothered about my weight, and to want to tell my family to butt out?

You can be as unbothered as you want with the fact that you are morbidly obese and opening yourself up for horrific diseases. You don't have to care, Nobody can make you care. That much is obvious. You are in sole control of how you feel.

What you are NOT in control of is how others feel about you being morbidly obese and opening yourself for horrific diseases. You cannot tell them not to care or insist they are not bothered like you are. You cannot stop people from worrying about you and you cannot stop them from trying to make you see sense.They do it because they don't want to lose you or see you suffer with what comes of being grossly overweight.

23 stone is collessell. They have every right to worry. If you were 5 stone because you were not eating would you expect them not to care or mention it either?

No, you don't have to care but you don't get to call the shots on the ones who do.

You aren't bother now because you're so young and have yet to face the consequences of your choices. That day will come much sooner than you think, and the reality will be horrible. I'm sorry to be blunt, but it's the truth. Joint issues, heart issues, diabetes, high blood pressure, infertility, the list goes on and on and on.

How does a person's 'natural weight' get 'set' in the first place? Why do you think long distance runners aren't overweight; not their activity level?

Well, there are two separate issues here. The first is that your family should be supporting you, and not going on all the time about losing weight. They are probably worried about you, but their comments are obviously not having the desired effect, so they should shut up.

The second is the health issues that come with being obese. It's much easier to keep your weight in normal range when you're younger. Now that I'm 54, I find that I can only eat two meals a day to keep my weight the same. I definitely can't snack as much, and if I do strenuous exercise, I need more rest days to recover.

Some of my relatives have put on a lot of weight as they have got older. They have needed gallbladder surgery, knee and hip replacements and diabetes medication. My uncle lost some of his toes due to type 2 diabetes (he was obese) and then died of septicemia. DH's aunt is severely obese and has had a lot of health issues. She is only 75 but now cannot walk due to her weight and is severely depressed.

BUT, diets do not usually work in the long term. Don't think about dieting or your weight. Try and replace unhealthy habits with good ones in order to improve your health. You can do this slowly and will probably feel better.

You'll likely be clogging up the NHS with your obesity related issues in a few years.

I have an overweight close relative and have offered in the past to help out with regards to going to WW or SW with them, or trying to educate them about calories, going running with them etc. I was met with that kind of "it doesn't bother me, il deal with it when I'm good and ready" response. So I haven't mentioned it again.

It does worry me and I would dearly love them to lose the weight to be healthy simply because I love them so much I want them to stay alive as long as possible and have a good life (I see how being this overweight affects them mentally as well with low mood, lethargy and not being able to wear the kind of clothes they would like etc.) BUT I haven't gone on about it, I respect their right to be left alone on this matter if that's their wish. And at the end of the day, who am I to preach? I'm slim and active but I like a drink now and again and could probably be healthier. There are no guarantees in life, plenty of slim, healthy people get cancer etc.

Your dm and dsis are not BU to mention it, IMO - but they are BU to keep banging on about it. That is disrespectful of your wishes. But I think it comes from love.

I can see why your mum is worried Op. Only 26, already morbidly obese and gaining weight. How do you realistically think you will be health wise if you carry on as you are.
But you have to want to do it. If you don’t then no amount of them telling you will work. But they love you and can’t sit by whilst you harm yourself - they’d be the same if you we’re taking drugs or alcoholic. You don’t want to hear it but I don’t think they are unreasonable to be concerned, they will probably be ones picking up pieces eg helping you shower if you need a knee replacement in your 40s, listening to you cry if you can’t get pregnant when you want to.
For lots of obese people it’s a lightbulb moment that triggers weight loss eg being diagnosed t2 diabetic or not being able to fit in a theme park ride.

You will be bothered when you are older, have osteoarthritis and/or diabetes can hardly walk or lose a leg. You could weigh more than 30 stone by then.

You won’t change anything unless you want to. But it’s easier to lose weight, if you want to, when you’re otherwise healthy. My SIL is about the same size, had back issues because of it which made movement painful and stopped her wanting to exercise at all, so she gained more. Then she had a major health scare and two hospital stays, she’s on the only treatment they can give her and has been told to lose several stone immediately to help her health but the migraines and movement issues from the health issue are making her miserable, move even less and so comfort eats. It’s so heartbreaking to see. She’s stuck in such a cycle that even knowing how ill she’s been and the likelihood it’ll keep happening isn’t making her want to eat less. She wasn’t unhappy before, has a good and full life, lived with the aches and pains, then it caught up with her and now she’s really in a rut. My brother isn’t as big but he’s getting bigger and I worry about both of them.

Stop referring to yourself as "I used to be a big girl and now I'm even bigger". You are obese
And you shouldn't be ok with that. You should wanna be healthy.

Agreed. It's sad that op isn't bothered, she will struggle greatly as she gets older. 🙁

I wish people understood that being significantly overweight not only affects your health but makes it so hard to investigate illness. MRI scanners can only cope with people up to a certain size (not that big), it's a constraint of physics. Ultrasound will struggle to penetrate and radiation doses from CT are higher with fuzzy images.

Surgical risks are higher and surgical wounds heal badly.

If you could see the effects of obesity and diabetes on patients with chronically swollen legs, oozing infected ulcers, sleep apnoea etc etc people might take it seriously.

It's tragic that you have got to this stage at 26. Please please think again and get some help reversing this.

yes - don’t get me wrong, I am conscious of my weight increasing like it has over the last few years and I do try and watch my eating at times

If you make just one change, reduce or eliminate any ultra processed food from your diet. But really, if you do want to protect your health in the long term take professional advice. Mumsnet has some very bad diet advice alongside the good stuff and it's hard to distinguish between the two sometimes.

To the PP who is 17st and a size 16 @MsOllie - can I ask, how tall are you?

5ft 10

I think at 23 stone yes you are BU but it’s your life and your issue if you develop health related issues. Your family care about you, but no point as you don’t want to lose weight but maybe understand they are coming from a place of concern

26 years old and you are happy being 23 stone? I can see why your relatives are concerned. You sound in complete denial.

OP must already be finding things difficult; walking and so on. It's not going to get any better...

At 23 stone, you're putting your health at risk. Totally up to you but maybe bear that in mind when you're trying hard to ignore your family encouraging you to take better care of yourself.

I was you once. I’m 47 now and being very overweight for a long time has knackered my knees.

You might not feel it’s a problem now but I promise you it will be. I lost the weight but I can’t undo the damage to my knees and they significantly affect my mobility.

I don’t have trouble walking. I’m on my feet nearly all day at work

OP, I know you're aware but overweight is 14/15 stone. 23 stone is morbidly obese. There's no polite way to describe it and it's a shame your partner doesn't seem bothered by it like your family are. I'm 14stone and I hate it, I hate dragging around the extra weight when the sun is out and I'd love to feel energetic.

Have you had a health check recently Op? It might be worth getting your blood pressure, cholesterol checked and blood checking for diabetes/pre diabetes and speaking to gp to see what help is available on nhs if you did decide to lose weight. Then at least you could say to those concerned you had seen Gp.

Then frankly, unless you have medical issues influencing your weight, you must be eating a vast amount.

Health aside (you don't seem to care about that), aren't there other things you'd rather spend the money on?

Hi - no, haven’t been to the doctors since before Covid