To not be bothered that I’m overweight

[megz1996]

Hiya all, trying this again.

So I’ve been a big girl since high school onwards but have gradually got bigger over the last few years. I was big when I met DH and bigger now, but he’s really not bothered. I’ve always been confident in myself and love me for me.

I get grief from my family constantly, mostly my mum and sister, which starts as the usual health concerns (and no I’m not denying weight and health are linked) then ends up being about how I look, what DH thinks etc. I know I probably should be more bothered than I am, but I'm just not.

AIBU to not be bothered about my weight, and to want to tell my family to butt out?

I agree with @Marvellousmadness has said and others! Just stop being ok with this as you know it's not ok... Obese people need to stop burying their heads in the sand and stop using silly words like 'big' and 'bigger' as it makes you all sound like 5 year olds in the playground... MN has this obsession with promoting this 'big is beautiful' mantra when you know it's seriously not...

You're all adults so do the right thing for your health and take control of your weight...

I'd be worried about being 23 stone, yes.

But nothing anyone says will change your mind so there's no point in talking about being unreasonable.

I think it's really good that you feel confident about yourself and aren't beating yourself up for your weight like too many women do. But I still think 23 stone is a lot and likely to increase as you get older unless you decide to lose some weight. I think it's good that you'd be able to do that from a position of logically knowing it's the right thing to do for your health rather than from a position of self-hatred which is where a lot of women's diets start. I also know that when I was 26, I really didn't give my health a second thought . That kicked in when I got to 30 so perhaps it will for you too.

I don’t have trouble walking. I’m on my feet nearly all day at work

If you continue to gain weight or stay at 23 stone you won't be saying that in 10 years time. But until you realise what you are doing to your body nobody can help you. Surely your GP has concerns?

Two things are true-being very overweight eventually leads to very unpleasant health problems and being overweight is stigmatised.
You may be fed up with your Mum and sister if you think that they are preoccupied with your appearance and how you reflect on them. In that sense they are wrong to go on about it.
YABU though not to care about your health and I guess they are also worried about your health.
On another note it's interesting that people can be a similar weight and height but very different clothes sizes.

That’s because you are still really young. Give it 10 years of walking around all day and chances are you will struggle. Every 1lb off your body is equivalent 4lb off knees. Can you do your job if you can’t walk around all day? Can you afford to be off work if you need a knee replacement at 50. Chances of being morbidly obese for years and being able to do an on the feet job all day in your 50s or 60s are slim.
I say that as someone in my late 40s who was obese. I very much dodged a bullet health wise by losing weight when I did.

I was going to say YANBU when I thought you were in the 2 stone window between healthy weight and obese. However, now you have revealed your actual weight, I think YABU. You are very young and at your age, it is very easy to be complacent about the health risks. I can understand why your family are worried about you and while their nagging probably doesn’t help, there concern does come from a good place.

The thing is you’re only 26, you don’t even have children yet and you weigh 23 stone, it’s very likely your weight is just going to keep going up and up. I would really try to make some lifestyle changes now tbh OP. You’re heading towards diabetes and heart disease and then what are you going to do?

Just seen you're 23 stone. OP, that's not a bit big, that's huge even if you're tall. You really need to think about your health

In my opinion yes you are unreasonable. You're only 26 but what happens if you want a baby? Or you get to the point youve been carrying over 10st extra for 20 years, you won't be in good health. If you were my family I would be sick with worry

YANBU to tell your family to butt out.
YABU to not be bothered about being 23 stone at 26 years old. If you are 5'5" you are morbidly obese with a BMI over 50.

You say you know you should be more bothered, but that you're not. Why is that? Do you think it (all the health risks associated with morbid obesity) will not happen to you? Do you think "I'll make changes next week"? Do you think you can't change?

Your family deffo shouldn't be talking to you like that and Its great that you're confident.
But I think the older you get, the harder being over weight is and the higher the risk. Not being able to do the same things your family can, getting arthritis and joint replacements can take their toll. Not being able to properly look after grandkids and therefore not having the relationship you want with them. Having heart attacks in your 50s and 60s when your friends are still young and healthy and not being able to join in with things. Your partner having to take on more of the burden of life because you're not fit enough to do as much around the house.It's much easier to lose weight now, than it will be when you're older, so I would make the effort to avoid all of that.

They're bang out of order for commenting on it from an looks perspective though.

DD is in her early 20s and if she were either obese or dangerously underweight, I would mention it. She better not tell me to butt out.

However I have a couple of friends around 22 stone and I say nothing to them. But I would tell family or DC.

like I’ve said above, I really don’t know. When I think about my weight, I just don’t automatically think ‘I need to lose weight’.

I am exactly 5’5 btw, good guess!

You say she better not tell you to butt out, but what can you do if she does? That’s half the issue, it doesn’t matter how much you go on, it’s be down to her (like it’s down to me)

Well then you are deluded. Stay fat then.

but the difficulty with weight gain is it doesn’t often cause obvious issues when you are young and mobile. Then by the time you’re in your 40s the health problems and medications start to add up, people decide then to lose weight but around the same time the joint problems start, limiting mobility.
It will never be easier than it is now to lose weight, have a care for yourself in 10 or 20 years

This. Honestly, even as a slim, fit person you can treat your body in ways it can't cope with as you age - you injure more quickly, recover more slowly.

As a morbidly obese person, you are really going to start to see the health effects as you age. Like you, SIL started to put weight at senior school and has spent most of her adult life morbidly obese. In her late 40s her knees started to pack in and she is now in pain with every step and increasingly immobile. She admits herself its due to the strain her body weight has put on her knees for all those years.

You may not feel the health effects of your weight now, but you will as you age. Look to your future self (who will be your present self sooner than you think) and start taking steps now. Do you really want to end up in pain and disabled?

23st is grossly overweight. You’re going to get pretty ill when you’re older. And I agree that terms like “big” and “bigger” are just a shield. You are morbidly obese

I would be extremely concerned if my sister was this weight at this height. I love her so much I can't bear to think of her dying early, or suffering avoidable health problems because of her obesity, and would have to tell her so.

Makes me sad because of all the wonderful things being active and healthy can give you. You only get one body. It sounds like you feel it is nothing to do with you ☹️

@megz1996 would you choose to be this weight given the option?

And when I say age, I mean 40s and 50s. Its really not that far away OP. One day it will be your present, so make it a good present, not a ' I'm in pain and disabled' present.

Would it change your mind if you struggled to have children? It might, you need to be aware of that.

You are right. But it is very hard for parents to stand by in circumstances like these. It's a mom thing to try to fix stuff for your DC!

I am a little surprised that you don't think about your weight or feel heavy. I am two inches taller than you and just under 11 stone, and I feel pretty heavy, especially when I run or hike, because I am carrying that weight around my belly.

Your bmi is almost 50 OP. Your mum who is probably my age is understandably worried sick. I can’t see what else she can do - she’s obviously trying all angles eg appealing to your health, vanity and impact on DH.
I’d speak to your Gp. You might be able to access counselling.
Is your DH very overweight? Sometimes couples are best losing weight together rather than enabling each other.

Quite. The increased health risks of obesity are well evidenced for most of the serious illnesses facing the NHS, cancer, alzheimers, type 2 diabetes and so on. Type 2 diabetes (that's the obesity related one) is one of the most serious risks facing the NHS in terms of disease prevalence.

Its just mad to try to pretend that we don't know what the risks are with being obese.