To not be bothered that I’m overweight

[megz1996]

Hiya all, trying this again.

So I’ve been a big girl since high school onwards but have gradually got bigger over the last few years. I was big when I met DH and bigger now, but he’s really not bothered. I’ve always been confident in myself and love me for me.

I get grief from my family constantly, mostly my mum and sister, which starts as the usual health concerns (and no I’m not denying weight and health are linked) then ends up being about how I look, what DH thinks etc. I know I probably should be more bothered than I am, but I'm just not.

AIBU to not be bothered about my weight, and to want to tell my family to butt out?

It’s so weird that when plp post about drinking too much alcohol and then follow it with how they aren’t that bothered about how much they drink they are immediately and rightly told of the health risks and long term issues associated with alcohol abuse whereas when someone posts about being overweight it’s a chorus of support.
There’s just as many issues and cancers associated with being overweight, often late to diagnosis, weight around the belly is a particular risk factor for certain cancers. And no , it isn’t normal, at all. Years ago when people ate less they weren’t as overweight as now, fact. In Ireland and the uk I think it might actually be the case that the majority of plp are overweight which is absolutely awful tbh .
Maybe it doesn’t bother you op and that’s fair enough and I also agree that people being superficial about it isn’t good at all, people come in all shapes and sizes BUT with a normal, healthy diet and plenty of physical activity most people should be slim. Carrying lots of extra fat is bad for you like drinking excessively is bad for you or smoking is bad for you . If you have a lot of additional fat on your body it’s very unhealthy and it’s not about others being superficial, it’s a fact.

Wow there’s overweight and then there’s morbidly obese. Of course they should be concerned it has huge complications for hike health, I think you’re a bit in denial.

Perhaps spend some time looking at all the health conditions weight is an adverse factor for - not least covid.

Wear and tear on your back for example - it's fine, and then someone goes and you can be in hellish pain.

Back pain is the cause of the highest number of sick days lost per year I think.

That level of obesity is going to be damaging to your body and put you at risk of all sorts of problems for the future.

You can still be you at a healthy weight. I would be concerned about a close friend or relative at that weight.

This isn’t about looks, it’s about health risks.

I think it depends
Currently I'm 17.5 stone and a size 16. I don't have issues standing or breathing, I exercise every single day and can happily do a 90 min spin class and cycle 20 miles

I'm not saying overweight is healthy but there seems to be this thing on here that obese equals waddling around with flaps of skin huffing and unable to wipe your bum

Your initial post makes it sound like you’re a stone overweight, but 23 stone is really big and will have some potentially horrid implications for your health. You’re minimising the issue referring to yourself as “a big girl.” If one of my immediate family members was 23 stone I’d be really worried about them.

It’s so weird that when plp post about drinking too much alcohol and then follow it with how they aren’t that bothered about how much they drink they are immediately and rightly told of the health risks and long term issues associated with alcohol abuse whereas when someone posts about being overweight it’s a chorus of support.

I think to be fair, most of those posts were before the op said she was 23stone.

It’s so weird that when plp post about drinking too much alcohol and then follow it with how they aren’t that bothered about how much they drink they are immediately and rightly told of the health risks and long term issues associated with alcohol abuse whereas when someone posts about being overweight it’s a chorus of support

It's always been the same on Mumsnet, although some replies would've been different had the OP stated she's morbidly obese in the title.

I’m sorry if people think I’m minimising it, maybe i should have used obese instead of overweight, but I’m not denying it’s a lot of weight

There is absolutely no body positivity mantra on mumsnet. It is one of the absolute worse places on the internet for fat shaming and misinformation.

Being fat is linked to poor health. But so is being miserable about your body, being subject to unconscious and conscious discrimination by health professionals and society at large. And dieting, especially repeat dieting, is also linked to some of those same illnesses commonly linked to obesity.

There have been some fascinating eposodes of the 'Maintenance Phase' podcast (US and a bit 'woke' but very good for all that) that really opened my eyes to how complex and difficult this can be to navigate. And how badly people often treat fat people, without a moment's hesitation .

Tbh OP I find your attitude very heartening. I am not a physiologist or an epidemiologist, and as such, don't believe I have the authority or the knowledge to tell you what is best for your body either.

Depends how big and your age. I was obese in my 30s. Had serious none weight related health issues but losing weight would have made my life easier (less of me to carry around) I carried weight on middle and strongly suspect I was heading towards t2 diabetic. I lost 5 stone to healthy bmi and 3 years later look and feel better plus I don’t have same ticking time bomb health worries.
I know some people are ok overweight health wise but as you get older it’s very apparent impact weight can have on health.
I go to slimming world and there are lots of people 50s and 60s seriously compromised health wise by being overweight or obese - poor mobility, desperately struggling to lose as they need a knee replacement etc.
My mum worried a lot about me. My dad died young from a heart attack (he was obese)
Only you can decide if you want to lose weight but you can’t stop people worrying about you.

I rarely see elderly obese people and in a recent thread on style and beauty posters insisted a poster couldn’t get toned arms as it’s a young persons body. What absolute bs, have people seen older people in India and other countries , I’m in France atm and I don’t notice even half as many overweight people as in Ireland and the uk. Is there any evidence than antidepressants cause lots of weight gain? I’ve noticed a direct connection with some of my friends but that’s just anecdotal tbf.
In the past though people were rarely overweight because they didn’t have the same access to food , it’s not genetics or natural , it’s eating more.

It's not about health, is it? It's about compliance. People want to see you trying to be a smaller, better person. Concern trolls claim it's about health, but it isn't, they never bother people who don't exercise or who eat badly or who drink alcohol. I suggest you develop a Teflon skin and live your best life.
Yours,
A super fit super fat woman with amazingly good health indicators apart from the chronic diseases.

Tbh OP I find your attitude very heartening. I am not a physiologist or an epidemiologist, and as such, don't believe I have the authority or the knowledge to tell you what is best for your body either.

You won’t find any doctor telling the op that being 23 stone is best for her body.

It's not about health, is it? It's about compliance.

Rubbish. You need to read about what being obese does to your body over the long term and the number of diseases that obesity is a risk factor for. You can be attractive at any size but it is never healthy to be morbidly obese.

Oh well I dont think so. My DP is only 12.5 stone and he has diabetes. He suffers, believe me. He is in his 50s. I worry. I find it odd that OP's partner is not bothered.

This is a health issue. It's not about fatshaming.

But@MsOllie we all have a skeleton , organs , skin , tissue etc . People can be different shapes but not vastly different really if you think about it , we are all designed the same way (obviously it’s totally different if some plp have disabilities, disease , health problems, mobility ) so having loads of additional fat over this isn’t actually normal at all, it’s caused by eating excess food for your body.

At 23 stone you are at risk of some really serious health conditions like high blood pressure, diabetes, CVD, some cancers and stroke.

If you do decide to have children, your pregnancies may be higher risk and you may have trouble conceiving.

You may find it harder to live independently when you are older.

It's much easier to tackle this when you are young and healthy than when you develop chronic conditions.

But yeah, you do you.

Pressed post by accident.

Concern trolls claim it's about health, but it isn't, they never bother people who don't exercise or who eat badly or who drink alcohol.

Where’a your evidence for this? I have told posters on other threads that their diet, lack of exercise and alcohol consumption are unhealthy. You can’t just make stuff like that up.

yes, we’re quite a close family so I know it is out of concern and not bullying etc. My mum and sister are probably slightly closer as she still lives at home.

There is absolutely no body positivity mantra on mumsnet. It is one of the absolute worse places on the internet for fat shaming and misinformation.

I disagree, often the vast majority on a thread will be in favour of doing little to nothing about being overweight and anyone taking issue will be accused of fat shaming.

Your family need to understand that people don't lose weight based on comments or criticism from other people... It just doesn't work like that. Motivation needs to come from within, so for that, YANBU. And happiness and confidence with your appearance is definitely a good thing, so for that, you are also NBU. However, as others have said, while you are happy now, you may end up regretting your complacency. The concern is the weight creeping up too. It could just get worse and worse unless addressed soon.

As long as you look after yourself in terms of eating healthily and exercising, and can do everything you need to do, then absolutely fine. We're all different shapes and sizes and that's the way it is - main thing is that you're happy.