To not be bothered that I’m overweight

[megz1996]

Hiya all, trying this again.

So I’ve been a big girl since high school onwards but have gradually got bigger over the last few years. I was big when I met DH and bigger now, but he’s really not bothered. I’ve always been confident in myself and love me for me.

I get grief from my family constantly, mostly my mum and sister, which starts as the usual health concerns (and no I’m not denying weight and health are linked) then ends up being about how I look, what DH thinks etc. I know I probably should be more bothered than I am, but I'm just not.

AIBU to not be bothered about my weight, and to want to tell my family to butt out?

Sometimes you just don't have the headspace for it and thats fine. I think most people who are overweight (that includes me) are never going to lose it anyway so you may as well be ok with how you are.

Well aware I'm fat. I'm just saying that obese doesn't always equal immobile and keeling over running for a bus. My HR, BP, bloods etc are all perfect
I do what I can, and I exercise a lot. My point was if you say someone is 17-18 stone people seem to start commenting on difficulty walking/skin folds/out of breath etc like we are all immobile, when in reality it's not the case

Just read your updates. You are young and morbidly obese. You may dodge bullet but chances are it will catch up with you.
If they know you are thinking of children they may worry re pregnancy and childbirth (high bmi can cause issues) or worry how you’ll cope with a toddler.
We tend to gain weight as we get older. They may already see you struggling or how it curtails your life and worry about how life will look for you in 10 or 20 years time.
Someone once said to me you don’t see old fat people and it’s true.
You aren’t bothered now as you are in it won’t happen to me phase like smokers.

The only thing I’d say is it’s easier to lose weight when you are younger and you do need to think about what it will be like being 70+ and 23 stone with health issues , knackered bones etc much easier to go into old age at a reasonable weight .

At 23 stone you are exposing yourself to serious health problems and them to a load of grief when you get seriously ill or die prematurely. You might not care but spare a thought for other people. It's not all about looks, that is actually a tiny part of it. And what about the healthcare services when you become yet another patient on their books for weight-related problems.

yes - don’t get me wrong, I am conscious of my weight increasing like it has over the last few years and I do try and watch my eating at times

I posted about this on another thread. My mum was like you. She was overweight then obese, but entirely happy and content. She tailored her life to the restrictions her size imposed and contented herself to observe not participate. She enjoyed sedentary hobbies and loved her food.
She died in her 60s due to her obesity, losing two decades at least of the life she loved. She didn't see her grandchildren grow up, which was her dearest wish.
Despite that, she was lucky. Her obesity caused an illness that killed her quickly, rather than drawn out suffering or increasing reliance on others, which she would have hated.
Its absolutely not about looks, it's about life. How long you want to be around for, what you want that time to look like, and how great a risk of losing both quality and quantity you're prepared to take.

Well said

This is such rubbish. Being happy, eating healthily and exercising at 23 stone isn’t going to stop the stress on the op’s joints. She’ll still be at increased risk of all the problems obesity causes.

It’s the op’s choice about whether she wants to pay attention to that or not but it’s wrong to just pretend everything is fine if you’re happy with your body.

Why was previous thread taken down?

I don't think it's unusual to not be bothered about being overweight when it doesn't have a negative impact on your day-to-day life and hasn't held you back in relationships. But you will probably feel less ok about it when you're older or when the health issues kick in. Especially with the state the NHS is in (assuming you're in the UK). Carrying that amount of weight over a long period of time will eventually affect your health. High blood pressure, diabetes, kidney damage, heart failure. When any of that starts, please think about making changes because it is just the start.

It's absolutely fine for how long? Until she's knackered her joints at an early age? Got diabetes? Other weight related problems?

The OP is morbidly obese and if she were truly fine with that, starting this thread wouldn't have entered her head.

I have a friend who sounds like you - she's always been on the big side from being a child, was bigger in her twenties and early thirties and I would have always said that whilst she was big she was fit and her size didn't stop her doing things. However, more weight has gradually crept on and now in her early 40's she is practically immobile, struggles to fit in seats at the cinema / theatre or on a plane / train, always moaning about her back / knees / feet aching, snores to the point where I sleep with ear plugs in the next room if she stays over.....I am literally waiting for a phone call one day to tell me she's dropped dead. It's an awful thing to say but I am so worried about her but can't say anything because she fell out with her mum for nagging her when she was your age! It's also affecting our friendship because I'm an active person and there's not much she can do now. Please listen to your mum!

Check out the podcast Maintenance Phase, OP. It's a very funny and compassionate look at how crap the diet industry is and how much bad science is behind it, and how much people dress up plain old mean-spirited fat-shaming as "expressing concern."

Health is complicated. Take care of yourself as best you can and try to ignore the shaming bullshit.

OP I’m guessing you’re in your 20’s still.
Im in my 60’s, always been under 9st.
I have saggy skin around my upper arms and thighs, my boobs are no longer pert and I have a flabby tum, joints a bit worn but afaik my important bits are still healthy. My organs, blood vessels etc.

You have youth on your side atm but hopefully you will get old and when you do the consequences of your obesity will be very real.

I’m pleased you’re comfortable with your body but ask yourself is your body, your internal organs, blood vessels all the bits you can’t see, are they comfortable?
Your outer appearance is just a shelter to protect the inside. That’s the bit that really matters
Believe me it’s far better to lose weight now than be forced to through ill health.

And with your positive attitude I’m sure you could get slimmer. You don’t have to be a stick but give your heart and lungs a chance. You’re running your body like a fast car all the time, your engine will wear out more quickly.

My only concern if you decide to just embrace it, is that you might steadily increase your weight over time and end up with significant health problems that might affect your mobility and general health such as diabetes and all the issues that come with that.

I'm all for body confidence but if I had a morbidly obese relative I'd be concerned
too. It isn't about how you feel, it's about how knackered your organs and everything else will be in 20yrs time. You'll be using a mobility scooter by the time you're 50 if you don't address this now.

If your parents were allkies and drank a bottle of vodka a day would you butt out and say 'ah well, as long as they're happy'?

Good luck. Don't aim to be a size 12 just try to get down to under 20 stone for starters.

This is just a lame try at justifying being very unhealthy.

I think a lot of the comments now reflect not having sen the OP's update of being morbidly obese and 23 stone.

for those who’ve asked, I’m 26

Another MN thing: diet culture. You do not need to diet to lose weight. There are options between diet culture and unhealthy food.

Not having seen, not sen

The op doesn’t have to have anything to do with the diet industry.

You really think any medical professional is going to tell you it’s fine to be 23 stone and it will have no adverse effect on your body long term?

op if you had the choice and you could just click your fingers and change things, do you genuinely want to stay 23 stone for the rest of your life?

You are asking your heart and lungs and joints to carry another whole person around every single day.