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To think your life and achievements are treated as 'lesser than' when you don't have kids?

178 replies

josil · 27/06/2022 22:43

It's true - can we accept and acknowledge these disgusting subliminal societal messages that MOST of us put out there.

Something very important to me is going on right now - one of the most important things my life for a while, but noone seems interested.

Unless it's a child's birthday or the birth of a child it appears...no one cares once you get to a certain age. Is this it forever? Unless my life is about a child noone will care?

I've had ENOUGH of feeling lesser than, because I decided not to procreate (or can't)

People need to really be much kinder and more sensitive to people that don't have kids whether it's choice or circumstance.

Parents, please stop being dicks to non parents and treating them like they're not as important as you. It sucks.

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VeryQuaintIrene · 27/06/2022 22:46

Maybe you need to associate with some different people? Truly, this hasn't been my experience.

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roarfeckingroarr · 27/06/2022 22:47

What is your life event OP?

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Mumoftwoinprimary · 27/06/2022 22:48

If you have kids it is even worse….

”Hi Mum. Just to let you know that I won a Nobel prize today.”
”That’s nice dear. And how did dd’s netball match go? I’ve been so excited to hear about it.”

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OneCup · 27/06/2022 22:49

It's not my experience. What is your life event?

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Tabbouleh · 27/06/2022 22:50

I think you have started many threads wrestling with the subject of whether to have kids or not as your name seems familiar. No law against it, of course.

I think currently many people are drained and don't have much left to give.

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Isaidno22 · 27/06/2022 22:52

You need some different friends with a wider scope of interests. I’m sorry that your milestones are not being celebrated by those close to you.

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Kite22 · 27/06/2022 22:53

YABU.

Not most people's experience of life

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Jellybean23 · 27/06/2022 22:55

If you don't have kids, you hear the phrase 'of course, it's alright for you ...'

If you do have kids, you tend to be 'so and so's mother' instead of a person in your own right.

If you are a stay at home mum, you're looked down on as somehow inferior, you aren't earning your keep.

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Vionnet · 27/06/2022 22:59

Something very important to me is going on right now - one of the most important things my life for a while, but noone seems interested...Unless it's a child's birthday or the birth of a child it appears...no one cares once you get to a certain age. Is this it forever? Unless my life is about a child noone will care

The two things are possibly separate though - that when people get older, there's less of a fuss when you do something important, because everyone's seen more of life and achievements and so on (I mean possibly, not always).

I'm not sure how that ties in with having children, tbh. I've sure there's some crossover, but they seem to be separate things.

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Grendalsmum · 27/06/2022 22:59

What's your special thing? On the whole I don't think people are much more than politely interested even if you do have kids, to be honest ...

Although there is a sort of unspoken agreement between parents that they get 30 minutes of boring on about Frogmella's reading levels in exchange for letting you drone on for half an hour about your little Tumeric's verruca - is that what you meant? It's more of an mutual therapy rant than actually caring!

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ShirleyPhallus · 27/06/2022 23:01

Actually I think people really don’t care much about other peoples children, I rarely remember kids birthdays unless they’re very good friends and don’t expect others to remember my childrens. We also tend to have a blanket ban on discussing how wonderful our children are so things like promotions, house moves, qualifications etc are much more discussed and celebrated.

i think you need new friends OP

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LuckySantangelo35 · 27/06/2022 23:01

Jellybean23 · 27/06/2022 22:55

If you don't have kids, you hear the phrase 'of course, it's alright for you ...'

If you do have kids, you tend to be 'so and so's mother' instead of a person in your own right.

If you are a stay at home mum, you're looked down on as somehow inferior, you aren't earning your keep.

Agree with this

it’s shit being a woman whatever choices or you make or whatever decisions are made for you by nature or whatever

women with kids with face similar shite to you OP just in some other way shape or form

it’s just one of the many shitty things about being born with a vagina

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Tabbouleh · 27/06/2022 23:02

Agree. No parent really cares about anyone else's kids; we are just feigning interest! It's really mindboggling boring and I am glad I am past that stage.

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Testina · 27/06/2022 23:02

Not my experience. Last meal with 4 female friends was mostly career chat.

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steff13 · 27/06/2022 23:04

I think we just had the opposite thread recently, didn't we? That would imply that it's shit either way.

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TeapotTitties · 27/06/2022 23:04

Parents, please stop being dicks to non parents and treating them like they're not as important as you. It sucks.

Errrm I think that's something you should be telling your friends, no random parents in general.

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Vionnet · 27/06/2022 23:05

For example, OP, my group is around 40 - 55 years ish. Over the last three years or so, one friend is training for Iron Woman, another has made a film. Someone else is playing a sport for their country, another has just received an award from a senior royal for something pretty special.

No one really makes a fuss - they say the thing, everyone oohs and aah for a couple of minutes, then the conversation moves along. It's terrific stuff, but there's only so much 'well done you!' that's necessary or needed.

Nothing to do with kids!

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ChagSameachDoreen · 27/06/2022 23:06

I can honestly say this has not been my experience.

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ZealAndArdour · 27/06/2022 23:06

Maybe it’s your friends that are the issue, OP.

I’m certainly more impressed by actual academic/professional/recreational/personal achievements than I am by the fact that another 365 days passed by while someone’s child occupied the planet or because a woman’s body performed a biological function. But in turn, I am likely to be interested and pleased when the child starts to have their own achievements and victories in life and will happily tell them so.

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Fairyliz · 27/06/2022 23:06

How old are you and your friends? If they are at baby/young child stage then all of their emotional energy is tied up with getting through the day.
It gets better as they get older and people get their old selves back

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Yazo · 27/06/2022 23:56

It goes both ways, most women find every achievement in life, especially professional and academic is completely dismissed by some as soon as they have kids, quite often by their own employer.

I had a friend so convinced that I would become a shit friend once I had kids, she pretty much told me I have nothing else to talk about whenever I talked about anything not child related. We don't really speak anymore, I tried but she wrote me off first. We should all be kinder

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Dancingwithhyenas · 28/06/2022 00:03

What life events or achievements are you thinking of OP?

Its probably true that post kids many of us who are parents are guilty of being less attentive (in general) because they are in survival mode for at least 2 years. I don’t think I have been less attentive to my friends without children - the pain is evenly spread!

I’m happy for people when they do well. I went to a family member’s masters graduation for example and celebrated their achievement, I’m also supportive when people have children (but more because it was traumatic for me and I imagine it could be for them, than I’m celebrating their achievement!).

Sorry you are having a tough time. Would you like to tell us about what’s going on in your life?

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FrecklesMalone · 28/06/2022 00:10

I pay little attention to most birthdays apart from my very close friends, and immediate family. Otherwise can't give a fuck other than a polite Happy birthday.

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ScruptiousBears · 28/06/2022 00:17

I have children but when I didn't I never experienced this. I am hearing it from the opposite side though. When I moan to a friend I'm struggling coping with the kids and working full time etc etc and just get it thrown in my face it's my fault for having them Confused

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Vionnet · 28/06/2022 00:27

I didn't start having DC until my late 30's. I don't recall anything like this, now I think about it, before I had DC.

People are busy, life/work can feel consuming, lots of stuff going on... I don't know. I have friends with and without children. When we all meet up, our conversations are pretty rounded but we spend WAY more time discussing work/careers than children.

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