To think your life and achievements are treated as 'lesser than' when you don't have kids?

[josil]

It's true - can we accept and acknowledge these disgusting subliminal societal messages that MOST of us put out there.

Something very important to me is going on right now - one of the most important things my life for a while, but noone seems interested.

Unless it's a child's birthday or the birth of a child it appears...no one cares once you get to a certain age. Is this it forever? Unless my life is about a child noone will care?

I've had ENOUGH of feeling lesser than, because I decided not to procreate (or can't)

People need to really be much kinder and more sensitive to people that don't have kids whether it's choice or circumstance.

Parents, please stop being dicks to non parents and treating them like they're not as important as you. It sucks.

It’s not good for children to be the centre of every thing all the time cos they won’t be when they grow up. my child is not my only priority in my life

Yeah mine either. But between full time work, my kids, a voluntary role I hold with a charity, and getting enough sleep, I have a lot less time for socialising than I did in my twenties. Most adults are in this boat! I dont expect any fuss over my own or my children's birthdays or other events, but equally I find it needy when adults expect masses of fuss & reaction over everything in life.

The bedtime thing is an excuse. She doesn't want to come. Probably because you hate and despise her.

I'm not quite sure I get the angst over this particular situation OP and it sounds like you may be focussing on this one thing because of other things that have happened? But I do know what you mean, in a way.

I'm the only one of my school friends that doesn't have children, and that has a 'proper' career (for want of a better phrase). So me saying I have passed X exam, or that I've been promoted to X title, doesn't mean anything to them as none of them have ever worked in a similar environment. Me saying I've started a new hobby or been to X place is met with 'oh that's nice that you have the time to yourself to do that, so difficult when you have children you know'.

I have mostly phased myself out of the friendship group as as no-one is ever interested in discussing my 'stuff' other than a cursory 'how's work, good, oh that's nice'', it's allllll about the children, who has learned to poo in the potty, who is doing well at phonics, who won a race at sports day. And I guess that's natural - if you have 5 out of 6 people who have a really big thing in common, and that is their main focus in life, then that thing is going to dominate.

I do have other friends that have careers, and/or passions outside their children, and I find it much easier to spend time with them - because although obviously they love their children, and we discuss them, they are not all about being a mum and they understand my life a lot better, and we can still connect over shared experiences and interests.

I think it's very individual to each woman, each mother and the experiences and interests that go to make up their lives. And if your friends with children are making you feel unimportant, or lesser because you don't have children, then you probably need different friends. It isn't a general 'women with children' thing, it's a 'your specific friends with children' thing.

Having read your subsequent posts I wouldn't want to attend your celebration either!

1000Pieces · Today 11:06
The bedtime thing is an excuse. She doesn't want to come. Probably because you hate and despise her.

What @1000Pieces has said. Anyone with a bit of self respect isn’t going to want to continue a friendship with someone who has that level of contempt for them.

I’m quite happy to cut people out without any explanation when I think they disrespect me. I bet some of them have no self awareness or honesty to realise that they really are the reason that I don’t want to see them again.

If you really think of your friend in the way that you described in your posts, no wonder she has made an excuse to avoid you.

She is better off without you.

But you are either making this entire scenario up to get a rise out of parents on a parenting forum or you really are a clueless, immature, insecure person.

What a thread. As pp said, I think you don''t like or respect your friend- you call her a dick!- and she probably has picked up on that, and does not like or respect you. Maybe find other friends to whom you are better suited, or who have better childcare arrangements, or who have older children. Or ones who you think are not dicks.

I have dropped a friend recently. I realised that her various digs at me were motivated by veiled contempt and an impression that I have a better life than her ( I don't share my sorrows with her, but why should I?) I have not told her why I dropped her; I just pretend that I am busy all the time. Life is too short to hang out with people who do not respect me.

@JanisMoplin I didn't call her a dick. Agree with some posters many ppl here are just exactly proving the point, I don't hate my friend as some ridiculous posters mentioned.

If I hated her I wouldn't be her friend???

You urged parents to stop being dicks to non-parents, so I infer from that you think your friend's behaviour is dickish, at least. I don't think it is, to be honest. But I think parents with young children are always going to put them before you, or maybe she is just tired and doesn't want to do an evening event. It will get better as they get older.

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In my late thirties I’ve gravitated more to people without kids, and they’re much more fun than my parent friends (sorry MN). I recommend making more childless/free friends OP.

I am a parent but now I have more childfree friends than parent friends because I am past the schoolgate stage.

I notice OP has chucked out plenty of generic insults but hasn't yet even hinted at what this important event may be that has all her really good mates saying they are washing their hair or using their kids to avoid it? What is it?

Sometimes women pile in like mean girls don’t they? Don’t let these posters upset you OP, some people like to be nasty rather than try to understand and support. It’s how they are.

And sometimes people like to start threads to wind up what they perceive as “just a bunch of mums”, but I don’t let that get me down, it’s just the way they are

@vandertable I'm not saying what it is because it would be outing

@Charlieiscool I guess I knew when posting my opinion would be an unpopular one but that's what makes it such a sad sorry state - it's as though many parents completely forget and dismiss how they felt about things before children it's so weird.

It's like many have blinkers on and just forget about feelings and thoughts they had before and lack empathy towards anyone or anything but their kids.

Appreciate people say the same can sometimes be said for people without kids and I'm sure it's true but that's not what I'm posting about.

Sometimes I just think being friends with most parents when you have no kids is almost an impossible task.

There have been tons of posts over the years on here on this topic OP. What you’re saying isn’t new. It certainly means that once I had children (and I was on here for a long time before children) I was very mindful of the experience of those around me without children. However while you want parents to take on board your experience (and lots of people have done so on this thread) you are completely unprepared to take on board what others are saying. Your loss really.

People change for various reasons. Having children is something that changes you. You can’t prioritise you and your friends as much. Your spare time also becomes more valuable. I’m much less likely to go to things I don’t want to or don’t care much about as it’ll mean I can’t use that time for something I really want to do. Before children it’s fine to go to a friend’s event which I don’t care about as I’ll have future evenings and weekends free for myself.

I have children. Many of my best friends don't. It's not impossible at all.

The difference is they are not consumed with hatred for generic "parents" and "children" to the extent of joining parenting websites to post rants about how terrible their supposed friends are.

It's not because you don't have children. It's because of you.

You have a point OP, but honestly this is out of your control.

Stop seeking validation from others, what's important is how much YOU value your achevements. Ignore what others think

You're saying people are breeding entitled snowflakes, yet you're whining on the internet because people are putting their kids before your birthday / meal out.

Yes so perhaps my mother should have not put me first in every instance either and I wouldn't be such a snowflake!

I'm not in denial, I am a bit of a snowflake ??!

If you try a little harder, OP, you can blame Brexit, the pandemic and Ukraine on terrible parents too.

Oh, "snowflakes". You're one of those.

If people don't want to do something they may use their children as an excuse, yes, but someone may also say things like sorry, I have to be up early for Parkrun or they're skint. It's nothing to do with being a parent.

@DashboardConfessional I've pointed out parents because In my circles this behaviour has gotten a lot worse since they had children.

The excuses seem non stop and also, everything we do involves the children.

So - a lunch trip it's almost obligatory the children are there too - I've stopped asking now because it's just a given it's a family outing.

So the one time im doing something important I expect people to make the effort, yes.

I also think some posters are taking this out of complete context and it is difficult to understand and explain the whole friendship over MN but if you understood it I really don't think you'd be commenting in this way.

Get childfree friends or ones with older children. Your only option really.

I am in my 50s and at the other end of the scale. Most people, both childfree and parents, cancel on me frequently because they are taking care of their elderly parents or inlaws who are often unpredictably ill. I don't throw my toys out of the pram though. I recognise that family comes first for most people.