To think your life and achievements are treated as 'lesser than' when you don't have kids?

[josil]

It's true - can we accept and acknowledge these disgusting subliminal societal messages that MOST of us put out there.

Something very important to me is going on right now - one of the most important things my life for a while, but noone seems interested.

Unless it's a child's birthday or the birth of a child it appears...no one cares once you get to a certain age. Is this it forever? Unless my life is about a child noone will care?

I've had ENOUGH of feeling lesser than, because I decided not to procreate (or can't)

People need to really be much kinder and more sensitive to people that don't have kids whether it's choice or circumstance.

Parents, please stop being dicks to non parents and treating them like they're not as important as you. It sucks.

I find the many posts stressing that ‘no one cares’ about anyone else’s achievements, unless they are your DH or kids, really sad. and actually, not the case at all.

I really care about my friends’ happiness and get a buzz out of it when they pass on their good news. When I told people I’m pregnant, I was overwhelmed by the positive reactions that I received, and unless these people are the most incredible actors, that much enthusiasm cannot be faked! My boss was thrilled for me, which really surprised me seeing as he will be inconvenienced during my maternity leave, colleagues at work, again, really happy and very interested in hearing all the details. I’m not one of those people who likes to talk about myself, so it’s honestly all come from them. My close friends are all genuinely excited for me. As I would be for them.

I’m the same. I love hearing about other’s good fortune. It makes me happy to see others happy. Their achievements also inspire me to make changes / be better / improve myself. I also love hearing about my nephews and nieces, the person upthread who said she finds her brother telling her about his daughter, her niece, boring, that’s so sad.

We aren’t all solipsistic, self obsessed arses. Some of us do genuinely care about others and are sincere in our words and actions.

Just ready your responses, it sounds like this friend is just finding an excuse and maybe isn't a great friend. I have a 2 and 5 year old and bedtime would not be an excuse, that's silly unless you're single / no child care.

I think it's natural to put your own children first when you have them. You do put them ahead of your own hobbies and past interests etc. But I see that as a good thing. They didn't ask to be born and they need loving and interested parents to thrive.

True..Even if OP had a dozen kids she still wouldn't come.

Honestly I think this is the issue in 2022 - people are just making their kids rule everything to the point they are becoming entitled and spoiled.

Hence why we have a snowflake generation being born.

Yes I will prepare to be flamed I don't care.

@TheAverageUser thank you!! Completely agree with your whole post.

Because what if they were single parents they'd have no choice but to do it.

I used to know several women who said they would never have kids EVER. They are now mommy influencers or parent columnists or obsessed by their kids in one way or another. You don't know what kind of parent you will be or what kind of kid you will have until they are born.

You sound excessively angry about a really small thing and have now extrapolated this to draw conclusions about a snowflake generation. Something else going on here for sure.

I dunno, I think having a tantrum because one person won't come to an event because they have responsibilities to their kids is the epitome of spoiled, entitled, snowflake.

@JLwac

I lots of parents do but you don’t have to give up all your hobbies and interest though do you?

It’s not good for children to be the centre of every thing all the time cos they won’t be when they grow up

my child is not my only priority in my life

@UnimpeachableBravery

i think it depends on the event.

If it’s say a wedding and the parent won’t come even though they could find child care for the day it’s just cos they don’t want to leave their kid or are pissed off cos their kid hasn’t been invited then yeah I think that’s pretty pathetic and not being a good mate

When you have a new born whose very survival is dependent on you it trips something in your brain. Biology makes that all you care about. It’s hard to explain. Before I had kids I met up with a very senior professional woman to meet her baby she talked (fretted) non stop about introducing carrots to her baby’s diet I left thinking she had gone mad a year later had my own first baby and got it..

@SummerPuddings

maybe because running over 20 miles is a bloody big and amazing achievement!

Why can’t op’s friend just have her kids dad do bedtime and then she can go to whatever event op is having?

can anyone answer that?

Yes. When DD had separation anxiety I didn't attend events in the evening for a while because biology would not allow me to see her cry. I was advised by my pediatrician to indulge her for a bit. Then she grew out of it. I wouldn't have been happy to be accused of rearing a snowflake.

She's a shit friend. If she wanted to be there, she would be.

@LuckySantangelo35 yes but do we need to talk about their running for a whole year? 🤔

Don’t get me started on the open air swimmers!

I think the OP is getting a hard time here. Surely it’s not too much to ask for your friend with kids to show a bit of interest,

A lot of the replies on here are proving OP’s point tbh.

Not sure what the kids part has to do with anything. I have DC, some of my friends have DC , and they still don't attend some of my events because presumably they don't want to or are feeling less sociable because of covid. There isn't really some vast Masonic conspiracy to not attend the events of child free women. People just don't want to go out that much these days?

I am trying to distract myself from something else IRL so please forgive my over posting.

If the point is that people with children won’t behave like people without children then, well, yes

i have two preschool age children and within the last year have gained a significant qualification and as a result am retraining. Not one of my friends without children has asked about it - they ask about my children, and I ask them about various aspects of their lives. I don’t mind this, my children are important to me and it’s nice that they ask about them. But it’s not me who is guilty of making it all about the children and writing off parents as selfish.

@Tabbouleh

if it was a big special one off event surely you would have gone though?

your daughter would survive one night

Lucky, maybe. It was a long time ago Or Op's friend may not want to go for whatever reason. I have had such events in the past and child free people have not attended, because they just didn't want to, I guess!. I think this reaction is over dramatic.

But then I never bothered to attend kiddie birthday parties much either because I find them boring.

I know I cared more when my friends (men and women) had kids rather than their personal accomplishments just because its longer term
Like we go out for peoples birthdays, we went to see my friend when he was in his play, I went and got a drink with a friend when she got her new job. But then thats sort of as far as the caring goes, like its great and happy for you right then bit that won't last till next month.

My sister had a baby and we were excited and we still talk about the child now because shes still here. My niece comes over and we play and I pick her up from school and i will go watch her in her nativity just like I watched my friend in his play.
Its just like having a new person to care about their accomplishments and that is still tied to my sister because my niece is not an independant person yet.

I'm not still appluading my friends job, like im not still appluading my sister giving birth. its just having a kid results in a continuation of stuff to keep caring about so its going to seem like I care more about that. Because obviously i have spent more time in four years caring about my niece than I have spent feeling impressed that an adult I know had run a marathon once.

Perhaps it's just an excuse because they don't want to come! You sound very self centred. I don't celebrate my birthday and recently for first time I held a baby shower - 2 good friends had simmilar excuses - friends where I've been to birthdays, hen dos, baby showers and various other things. I didnt quibble and I'm not offended. I was a bit disappointed but accept that's just how life works, we've all got a lot of demands on our time and can't do everything

Is this all about just one friend with children? How does it extrapolate to all parents?