Racist message in group chat WWYD?

[Thebeastofsleep]

DH, not me. Is in a group chat for an up coming stag group. DH only knows he stag and no other attendees/ group members. One group member has been posting 'banter' in the chat - memes, videos etc. Most of these have been fairly normal fodder, some slightly offensive. No one in the group has reciprocated/ commented on these but he keeps doing it. Stag has commented that its a group to plan the stag do, not a jokes thread and tried to get it back on track. Now the same person has posted an overtly racist video. Its shocking. DH is absolutely outraged.

WWYD:

1. comment that the video is completely in appropriate and leave the group and not attend the stag do.
2. comment that the video is completely inappropriate and leave group but still attend the do.
3. comment as above but stay in the group and attend.
4. say nothing, leave the group.
5. say nothing, act like it didn't happen.

DH is erring on 1 at the moment but he has no idea who this person is in relation to the stag/ rest of the group other than he isn't the best man.

we had a guy like this on my uni course. He posted horrendous things in the group chat - once. We told him it was inappropriate and the trash took itself out.

6 - call out the racist and ask that he be disinvited to the stag do and wedding.

Sounds like groom needs to get rid of racist completely or his stag do and wedding are both doomed.

Stag is absolutely mortified by the way.

Ofcourseandyouknowit yes, we found it really really shocking. We aren't naive, but we haven't seen anything that bad in a long time thankfully.

Other stuff was dumb blonde jokes, pictures of tits, pictures where when you click on the image to see it bigger/ in full it reveals a cock. Stupid stuff, bit crass and mildly offensive but nothing heavy.

🙄

Why...?

I've actually been in this WhatsApp situation with a group (not stag do though).

I did 3. Others supported me and the racist one (who convinced himself it wasn't racist because it wasn't offensive to black people and there is no other type of racism. Twat.) flounced eventually after claiming he was being bullied out.

This!!

Funnily enough, I had a VERY similar experience on a hen party chat! Nobody responded to a blatantly racist comment - in the end I decided I didn't want to be in anyway associated so I replied to the person in the group chat saying something like 'I'm sure you didn't realise what you said me be seen as being quite racist and insulting....' etc. The reply was very much an eye roll about how politically correct I was. But at least she shut up. She clearly did realise it was racist but i didn't want to be too confrontational - and didn't want to create too much awkwardness for the bride. It's difficult but you need to go with your conscience.

He sounds just awful. Image what he is going to be like once on the stag do and pissed, probably 100% worse than when sober and on WhatsApp!
I wouldn’t want to go anywhere with someone like that. Let’s hope, for what ever reason, he doesn’t attend. What a vile knobhead.

Thebeastofsleep · Today 21:01
Stag is absolutely mortified by the way.

If he is mortified why doesn’t he remove the racist from the group chat, why is he tolerating this ?

I would go for 3 or 2 because it isn’t the groom who said this. We don’t know the relationship or situation. Many of us have relatives who have terrible views and I wouldn’t like to be held responsible for them. Sounds like the groom was trying to rein them in with his comment.

I would also contact the groom separately and say something like “Mate, are you okay? Must be hard managing the situation with xxx (racist man). I’m going to leave the group but just wanted to explain why” and then hopefully he will open up a bit and you can support him to oust the racist relative/colleague or whatever.

It's not banter FFS! The same way 'you grab them by the pussy' isn't locker room talk.

but it is? shes not wrong

Tbf, Massive is being honest. A lot of people would think it was awful, but avoid the confrontation. It's disingenuous to say that the majority would stand up to the racist, because that's not what happens in rl.

Most would claim to speak out, but more would stay quiet. I appreciate the pp honesty on a thread like this.

none.

have a word with the stag and explain you’re at the point of pulling out of the stag do as you don’t want to spend time around such a dickhead. The stag can then have a word with the person in question and handle it.

if he doesn’t handle it or the guy continues being a dick. Explain you aren’t putting up with racist shite to the group and leave group and decide if he even wants to attend a stag do with folks who will all remain silent and complicit when faced with blatant racism.

Friend sounds awful but it’s not the stag’s fault (and he is dealing with it) so DH should still go to the stag do.

Yes it's his choice. But she's canvassing opinions on what he should do and opened a debate. She's not saying "MNs... I have given him these options. Which one shall I make him do?"

So disturbing.

What would the context possibly be for sharing such material??

There was no context.

Three.

always call it out.

I would also hate to be in the company of someone like this.

three allows him to give of they are all outraged - or happy to listen to racist jokes. If they support the racist - don’t go on the stag

Yay ! Racism is cool as long as its "Banter!"

having a word-not really enough is it what relation ar4e they to the groom

Good for your DH. So important to call this shit out.

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