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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Racist message in group chat WWYD?

360 replies

Thebeastofsleep · 27/06/2022 20:00

DH, not me. Is in a group chat for an up coming stag group. DH only knows he stag and no other attendees/ group members. One group member has been posting 'banter' in the chat - memes, videos etc. Most of these have been fairly normal fodder, some slightly offensive. No one in the group has reciprocated/ commented on these but he keeps doing it. Stag has commented that its a group to plan the stag do, not a jokes thread and tried to get it back on track. Now the same person has posted an overtly racist video. Its shocking. DH is absolutely outraged.

WWYD:

  1. comment that the video is completely in appropriate and leave the group and not attend the stag do.
  2. comment that the video is completely inappropriate and leave group but still attend the do.
  3. comment as above but stay in the group and attend.
  4. say nothing, leave the group.
  5. say nothing, act like it didn't happen.

DH is erring on 1 at the moment but he has no idea who this person is in relation to the stag/ rest of the group other than he isn't the best man.

OP posts:
wellhelloitsme · 29/06/2022 20:55

@beautyisthefaceisee

I'm not sure even you understand what point you're making now!

My motivation is to stick to the facts, consider all the many things that lead to racism, instead of thinking booting one man out of a whatsapp group is done and we can all sleep easy.

Quite literally nobody has said they believe this.

Bizarre.

Sleepingsatellite1 · 29/06/2022 20:55

beautyisthefaceisee · 29/06/2022 20:51

I did suggest that several posts ago.

No, you posted superciliously and suggested I was mentally unwell 🤔 But yeah, let’s all follow your example of not derailing 😵😂

beautyisthefaceisee · 29/06/2022 20:59

wellhelloitsme · 29/06/2022 20:55

@beautyisthefaceisee

I'm not sure even you understand what point you're making now!

My motivation is to stick to the facts, consider all the many things that lead to racism, instead of thinking booting one man out of a whatsapp group is done and we can all sleep easy.

Quite literally nobody has said they believe this.

Bizarre.

Well, my original point was that racism, and homophobia and misogyny, is endemic in culture and music. Rap music is abhorrent for it.

Now, if the video was literally someone laughing at shooting a black man, that would of course be absolutely sickening and abhorrent and there is no place for it in our world.

But these songs, these videos, this culture exists, and the posting of it in a whatsapp group is no worse or less than its existence.

My point is, there are people on this thread itself talking about their fears and worries for their black sons, their black friends, maybe themselves. I originally had an issue with the white privilege and misandry chat because it completely diluted the original discussion.

Re the man - My original post son this thread were that the outrage should not be whether or not he has been removed from a bloody whatsapp group. We have no idea whats happening behind the scenes. Our outrage should be that these sorts of cultural media exist int he first place, not whether its shared.

I feel like posts are sort of suggesting this behaviour and this video post is an absolute shocking surprising act that must be dealt with with expulsion from the friendship group and never to set foot in the wedding (I dont disagree, btw.) But what img etting at is, why is it that this stuff exists/this man felt he could post it/it got to the point that a man felt he coudl post it with no judgement? Something bigger is at play, and thats what the discussion needs to be about, never mind bloody whatsapp.

but thats only my opinion.

beautyisthefaceisee · 29/06/2022 21:00

Sleepingsatellite1 · 29/06/2022 20:55

No, you posted superciliously and suggested I was mentally unwell 🤔 But yeah, let’s all follow your example of not derailing 😵😂

I think the comment about how long I'd been posting for was very odd behaviour, I stand by that.

As was your targeting of me in the first place. Ive just given back what I've got. If you don't like it, don't do it. Simple.

lljkk · 29/06/2022 21:00

My gut feeling was say it's offensive, quietly ask the WhatsApp admin to remove it saying it was unacceptable & remind everyone to be their best selves. Still attend the Stag.

I'm from the Blazing Saddles school though.

Meraas · 29/06/2022 21:05

beautyisthefaceisee · 29/06/2022 20:47

I never actually said the video wasn't racist. Of course it bloody is.

I said it wasn't of a man BEING shot as PP claimed. Because it isn't.

And pretending that music isn't also racist is actually detrimental to your cause, isn't it.....? Casual racism is the biggest problem in our society! Children singing rap songs with homophobic and racist lyrics, racism in media - all of these things have led to wankers like that being able to post that and think its OK. You can choose to believe its one evil man, but its a whole problem.

You have me completely wrong. We are on the same side.

No, I have you figured out and we are not on the same side.

I haven’t been engaged in whatabouttery about rap videos and misandry, like you.

What the fuck has rap to do with this video? Fuck all.

Sleepingsatellite1 · 29/06/2022 21:10

beautyisthefaceisee · 29/06/2022 21:00

I think the comment about how long I'd been posting for was very odd behaviour, I stand by that.

As was your targeting of me in the first place. Ive just given back what I've got. If you don't like it, don't do it. Simple.

You said I had no life, so I responded to that by commenting about how long you’d been on here, hope this clarifies. I can more than handle the shite someone I don’t know throws at me but I personally wouldn’t like to be seen on a public forum calling people mentally ill, but you do you. I replied to your comment about derailing, this is a bloody forum for answers and responses and for you to see this as targeting is a strange outlook. Anyway I’m genuinely going to leave you to it now as this is boring to me, you and I’m sure everyone else on this thread. The OP left ages ago in any event.

Eightiesfan · 29/06/2022 21:11

Being a bystander to racism is just as bad, if not worse. Nothing will change is racism is not challenged, whether it’s the idiot on the stag WhatsApp group, or your grandma, or parents or friends, or whoever. Your silence on the matter is condoning racism at best, encouraging it at worst.

wellhelloitsme · 29/06/2022 21:11

Please reconsider your use of the phrase 'casual racism' @beautyisthefaceisee

It's never casual.

It's always racist.

I'm out.

Baggingarea · 29/06/2022 21:23

3 he shouldn’t make the groom pay for having a massive cunt for a friend. But also the guy needs to know his behaviour won’t fly

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