Racist message in group chat WWYD?

[Thebeastofsleep]

DH, not me. Is in a group chat for an up coming stag group. DH only knows he stag and no other attendees/ group members. One group member has been posting 'banter' in the chat - memes, videos etc. Most of these have been fairly normal fodder, some slightly offensive. No one in the group has reciprocated/ commented on these but he keeps doing it. Stag has commented that its a group to plan the stag do, not a jokes thread and tried to get it back on track. Now the same person has posted an overtly racist video. Its shocking. DH is absolutely outraged.

WWYD:

1. comment that the video is completely in appropriate and leave the group and not attend the stag do.
2. comment that the video is completely inappropriate and leave group but still attend the do.
3. comment as above but stay in the group and attend.
4. say nothing, leave the group.
5. say nothing, act like it didn't happen.

DH is erring on 1 at the moment but he has no idea who this person is in relation to the stag/ rest of the group other than he isn't the best man.

3 depending on what happens after that may have to leave group or message groom to say look if this dick is coming I'm not

3

I'd say 3. Don't let the other person force him out.

I'd say 3. Depending on response of stag, switch to 2 or 1.

Agree with message the stag - ask who this guy is and what he's playing at before taking any other action.

3, and openly state that any similar behaviour which happens on the trip will also be called out a can of tolerated. Letting the stag down because of the behaviour of somebody else in the chat seems a bit unfair - this person could be his embarrassing relative who he felt he had to invite because family pressure, rather than a good friend whose views he supports.

3...but only if the rest of group think the guy is out of order. If they support him or find it funny, I'd say leave the group and not go on stag night.

He’s asked for your opinion but you’ve not given one and are asking us for ours? Or are you trying to reach a consensus on here or something?

For me, I would leave the group and forget about going on the stag do. Your husband may not.

3

Has anyone replied to it?

I'd do 3.

I wouldn’t do any of those, I would say “This is out of order, please remove this racist post from our group chat and don’t post anything like this again.”

Racism is not banter ffs 🤦

What's the problem with just telling the rascist arse his contribution is not acceptable. Your DH is outraged by racism but needs an online poll before deciding how to proceed. A message in group chat which says, "racist arsehole, that's not funny or acceptable you should probably delete it". If the other members of the group chat don't back your hubby then you've learnt which friends you can live without.

Does everyone need a committee meeting before acting in accordance with their conscience?

The fact that nobody else has called this idiot out on his behaviour is nudging me towards 1.. however I think try 3 then see what happens!

Banter isn't an excuse to be intolerant and vile

^this obviously

Do you really think an overtly racist video is banter? I despair.

Oh I'm sorry @BananaSpanner that was supposed to be a reply to @Balloonsaresqueaky

5 . But keep a note of the blokes name in case this behaviour goes on

Very much this.

This is what I was thinking

3

”That’s out of line mate, not my cup of tea at all.”

What about questioning why the groom has a twat like this coming to his stag do and wedding?

I don't think sharing any -ist thing makes you that thing in regards to jokes. Just like I don't think a comedian telling an anti-X joke means they are anti-X. So it would depend what exactly the content is I guess. I've been the victim of DV but have shared and received in group chats DV related jokes, misogynist jokes, homophobic jokes (I am bisexual and a woman). But then, the difference would be that I know the people I'm sharing these with and know that just because we joke about things doesn't mean we have these beliefs. Your DH doesn't know this person, he might well actually be racist. I'd still go probably, but if he's uncomfortable then he could leave the GC and just contact the groom directly.

No point just leaving without calling it out. I would make it clear to the stag privately though that I wouldn't be able to spend an evening with a racist, so if this was typical of him then I'd be bowing out.