Racist message in group chat WWYD?

[Thebeastofsleep]

DH, not me. Is in a group chat for an up coming stag group. DH only knows he stag and no other attendees/ group members. One group member has been posting 'banter' in the chat - memes, videos etc. Most of these have been fairly normal fodder, some slightly offensive. No one in the group has reciprocated/ commented on these but he keeps doing it. Stag has commented that its a group to plan the stag do, not a jokes thread and tried to get it back on track. Now the same person has posted an overtly racist video. Its shocking. DH is absolutely outraged.

WWYD:

1. comment that the video is completely in appropriate and leave the group and not attend the stag do.
2. comment that the video is completely inappropriate and leave group but still attend the do.
3. comment as above but stay in the group and attend.
4. say nothing, leave the group.
5. say nothing, act like it didn't happen.

DH is erring on 1 at the moment but he has no idea who this person is in relation to the stag/ rest of the group other than he isn't the best man.

Well done your dh and the stag. Sounds like there is one less wedding breakfast gonna be served!

I would be avoiding the stag do if he attends I would not socialise with a racist well done to your DH doing the right thing

but to my shame I would probably do 5

in reality most of us would but in mn the keyboard warriors will tell you to contact his boss, his family, go to papers...

3: comment as above but stay in the group and attend.

Why do 25% of people reading this think OP is being unreasonable? Call out racism and call it what it is. UGLY DISCRIMINATE HATEFUL WRONG CRUEL.ILLEGAL

*A lot of people would think it was awful, but avoid the confrontation. It's disingenuous to say that the majority would stand up to the racist, because that's not what happens in rl.

Most would claim to speak out, but more would stay quiet. I appreciate the pp honesty on a thread like this*

This.

I didn't mean to enable voting! I've no idea what people think they are voting for.

Why do 25% of people reading this think OP is being unreasonable? Call out racism and call it what it is. UGLY DISCRIMINATE HATEFUL WRONG CRUEL.ILLEGAL

so is misandry on mn but few ever call it out.

@Thebeastofsleep blimey OP impressed with the action taken. So often Thai sort of unacceptable behaviour is ignored or dismissed as banter. Properly good to see someone doing something about it and the stag and others responding well too. Gives me some hope for the human race.

Genuinely surprised at this. Perhaps I'm fortunate in the circles i mix in, but I don't know anyone who would tolerate this to keep the peace. Not all 'woke' PC people either. I come from a very diverse community though, so maybe that has something to do with it.

That's absolutely vile. I'm glad your DH, the stag and others in the chat told him that he was wrong. Hopefully the stag will kick him out of the do and the wedding.

Genuinely surprised at this. Perhaps I'm fortunate in the circles i mix in, but I don't know anyone who would tolerate this to keep the peace. Not all 'woke' PC people either. I come from a very diverse community though, so maybe that has something to do with it

why are you surprised though? I totally get it, people don't like confrontation-that and you don't always know who you are confronting or what lengths they will go to.

Just look on mn and it is full of threads over posters who faced a cf or unacceptable behaviour but couldn't assert themselves at the moment.

3 but 1 if it turns out the rest are racist wankers too.

2 for me

3

Wow, so glad some folk left the group and that the stag is peaking to the instigator. Always call out racism. Hope he’s being uninvited to the wedding.

3

I also appreciate peoples honesty. It helps understand the views of people on the group chat.

And it was only when DH called it out that others commented. The reality is that most stayed quiet. Possibly all if DH had not said anything. It was several hours between the message being sent and DH seeing it/ responding.

2
My opinion on this kind of thing is that it's always intentional. The person isn't just making a joke, they are testing boundaries and looking for like minded people.
I'm sorry your DP was ambushed with this.

Good on your DH for speaking out. I hope the racist idiot feels thoroughly embarrassed. It needs to be called out - every single time.

It helps understand the views of people on the group chat

see the thing is that you need to know your audience. I have seen group chats where there is a tight knit group and there will be all sorts of sexism,racism, sexual humour etc. But the group know each other and have that humour. Not condoning it but that's how some groups are.

The racist poster tonight didn't know the whole group so didn't know his audience. His mates he usually had such jokes with will be cringing for him and tell him basically ''don't do that in front of others''.

Call the guy out / tell him to take down the take down the racist video then speak the stag separately

3, it’s not the grooms fault and he tried to put the attendee off by saying the group was to plan not post memes and jokes.

The racist post came after and it’s clear the groom does not approve. It needs deleted and dealt with but it’s not fair to the groom to pull out.

I think it’s complicated by wanting to not stress out the stag. People who might normally have called out the racism quite aggressively, might be less likely to if it is the stag’s brother or whatever. Doesn’t mean they aren’t thinking it.

Personally, I would have left at the weird tits and cocks jokes, and no way would I volunteer to spend a weekend with the guy, however close I was to the stag.

Good for your DH for calling it out.

Unless the groom uninvites the racist, I wouldn’t go to the stag do, I suspect the racist will have it in for your dh and that mixed with alcohol, who the heck knows what will happen.

The group admin should remove the racist.