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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to think myself and my child are being discriminated against by after school club?

220 replies

JudyLemon · 27/06/2022 18:35

My child has Asd and has 1:1 assistance in school all day outside of the classroom. He has his 1:1 due to his behavioural issues, he cannot be in the classroom with the other children as he cannot sit or listen during a lesson and will be extremely disruptive. If he doesn't want to do something or if he doesn't like something he will run away and will threaten his own life. However he is not often physical, he will sometimes lash out at other children but never adults.

I am starting a new job soon and will be requiring childcare after school and in the holidays, I have contacted the schools onsite childcare provider and they have said that they cannot have him. They say they have spoken to the teacher and the teacher feels the environment is not suited to my child. This is because it is very busy and loud and because they cannot provide 1:1 support. I have reached out to them again and asked them what alternative options (perhaps shorter sessions or I could provide sensory toys) they will instead give me and they have said that they cannot accommodate my son at all.

Aibu to think this is discrimination? Am I expected to never work a good job again because of my child? Surely they have to put something in place?

Let me know if any of you have been in this same position and how you made it work please.

OP posts:
QueenoftheNimbleFlyingCat · 27/06/2022 18:39

Just thinking whether a nanny, au pair or childminder might be a better option? If your son will struggle with the environment and they can't offer 1-2-1 then I can totally understand their concerns,although it must be frustrating for you.

missbipolar · 27/06/2022 18:39

Unfortunately schools aren't under any obligation to provide before/after school, and the after school club also have to think of the other children (you say he lashes out at children but not adults) could you see if any childminders are available to collect him/watch him after school?

BiscoffSundae · 27/06/2022 18:41

I don’t work because of this my daughter needs a 1:1 she already has one all day at school and can be aggressive so can’t attend clubs, I can’t work, I’m a single parent which makes it harder. She can’t go to childminders either

KatieKat88 · 27/06/2022 18:41

It doesn't sounds like an appropriate environment for him. His 1:1 will be paid for for the school day so they won't have the budget to extend this to wrap around care. Could a childminder be an option? Although they wouldn't be 1:1 either and he'd need support in getting used to being in their house, journey to their house etc so don't know how viable this would be.

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 27/06/2022 18:44

I have not got experience myself. But I would definitely take it further. Can you email the head?

Cillmantain · 27/06/2022 18:45

You are not being discriminated against because schools are not obliged to provide wrap around care.
Unfortunately it's the reality of having a child with additional needs.
A child minder or nanny may be a better option.

Whinge · 27/06/2022 18:46

I'm sorry OP it's a difficult situation, but it really doesn't sound like an appropriate environment for him. They're being honest with you, and I think you need to listen to what they're saying and look at other options.

SnackSizeRaisin · 27/06/2022 18:46

After school clubs are private and if they provide 1:1 it would be expensive so it's not surprising they can't - they would go under. A childminder might be a possibility but presumably they wouldn't be able to have any other children at the same time so it might be expensive for you.

Needcoffeeimmediatley · 27/06/2022 18:48

I'm not sure on the legalities but it doesn't sound like it would be fair on your child or the other children if a 1:1 can not be offered.

Have you asked to cover the cost of a 1:1? We did this for a while.

JazzHandsYeah · 27/06/2022 18:48

No, you’re not being discriminated against. The school has no legal obligation beyond school hours.

hattie43 · 27/06/2022 18:49

As hard as it is I doubt the school has the knowledge or experience to help him and they have to consider the welfare and safety of the other children .

I can understand them being reluctant tbh .

Spikeyball · 27/06/2022 18:49

They are required to make reasonable adjustments but they are saying there are no reasonable adjustments they can make which would make this work, which is lawful.

Change123today · 27/06/2022 18:50

My daughter works in an ASC (& holiday playscheme) - it’s offsite but caters for a range of needs. Especially 1:1. They are linked to the local charity. Do you have anything local to you they may offer this?

Quite often the carers move on to do PA for the child as it works better than the ASC. So it may be worth having a look?

RainCoffeeBook · 27/06/2022 18:50

You literally described him as unable to sit, unable to listen, extremely disruptive, he lashes out at others and he threatens his own life. What makes you think the after-school club is the right place for someone with that level of need?

The school don't have to, and frankly can't, bend over backwards for one child. Your situation is unfortunate but he needs a single caregiver, not a simple club.

BiscoffSundae · 27/06/2022 18:51

It never occurred to me it was discrimination that my child couldn’t attend clubs, and I always assumed if I wanted to I would have to pay for the 1:1 which I can’t afford ive never once thought it would be the schools job given it’s outside of school hours

Yarnasaurus · 27/06/2022 18:51

It is potentially a failure to make reasonable adjustments, but realistically it doesn't sound like it would be suitable so you need to think seriously about costs/benefits of pursuing this.

Affordable and accessible childcare for disabled kids is a real problem, sadly Flowers

Pumperthepumper · 27/06/2022 18:51

No, I think if they can’t provide 1:1 support, that’s your answer. It’s rubbish, but if they can’t do it then that’s your answer.

Pumperthepumper · 27/06/2022 18:52

Sorry, too many ‘that’s your answers’.

GandTfortea · 27/06/2022 18:52

I’ve 2 with ASD ,haven’t been able to work,because no where could manage them by the time one was 8 and the other 10 both were out of school with tutors provided by LEA .which I have to stay in the house for..
your doing brilliant he’s still at school…maybe don’t rock the boat pushing for more .

12cats · 27/06/2022 18:53

Of course it's not discriminatory. If they say they can't accommodate him, it's because they know they can't physically do it and it wouldn't be safe to do so without.

It's up to 'yourself' to find someone who is willing to look after his and capable of meeting his needs outside school.

Idontevenknow · 27/06/2022 18:54

I'm sorry, I know its not what you want to hear but I also don't feel it's discrimination and I understand what the school are saying. I'm also surprised that you felt this would be the right environment for him.

SimonaRazowska · 27/06/2022 18:55

Do you think he would benefit from the activity?

It sounds like you are looking for childcare really, can you get a babysitter instead?

devildeepbluesea · 27/06/2022 18:55

What @Spikeyball said. It probably would be seen as discrimination but there are no reasonable adjustments they can provide that would work for him.

MrsSchrute · 27/06/2022 18:55

Yarnasaurus · 27/06/2022 18:51

It is potentially a failure to make reasonable adjustments, but realistically it doesn't sound like it would be suitable so you need to think seriously about costs/benefits of pursuing this.

Affordable and accessible childcare for disabled kids is a real problem, sadly Flowers

Exactly this.

It's rubbish op, but the ASC simply cannot accommodate your son.

Childcare for disabled children is almost non existent. The majority of families with ASD children that I know have a parent who either doesn't work, or works very part time. My son has ASD and I now earn less than a third of what I was earning before he was born, there is simply no affordable out of school care for him.

ThisMustBeMyDream · 27/06/2022 18:56

There is funding in places for disabled children of working parents. It is known as dcatch funding. I am not sure what areas have it, but I am in Wigan and it does. It provides for a 1-2-1.
Lots of childcare/schools don't know it exists, so don't rely on them for an answer. Ring your local council and speak to the children's information service.