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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to think myself and my child are being discriminated against by after school club?

220 replies

JudyLemon · 27/06/2022 18:35

My child has Asd and has 1:1 assistance in school all day outside of the classroom. He has his 1:1 due to his behavioural issues, he cannot be in the classroom with the other children as he cannot sit or listen during a lesson and will be extremely disruptive. If he doesn't want to do something or if he doesn't like something he will run away and will threaten his own life. However he is not often physical, he will sometimes lash out at other children but never adults.

I am starting a new job soon and will be requiring childcare after school and in the holidays, I have contacted the schools onsite childcare provider and they have said that they cannot have him. They say they have spoken to the teacher and the teacher feels the environment is not suited to my child. This is because it is very busy and loud and because they cannot provide 1:1 support. I have reached out to them again and asked them what alternative options (perhaps shorter sessions or I could provide sensory toys) they will instead give me and they have said that they cannot accommodate my son at all.

Aibu to think this is discrimination? Am I expected to never work a good job again because of my child? Surely they have to put something in place?

Let me know if any of you have been in this same position and how you made it work please.

OP posts:
GCRich · 27/06/2022 20:43

SimonaRazowska · 27/06/2022 18:55

Do you think he would benefit from the activity?

It sounds like you are looking for childcare really, can you get a babysitter instead?

Surely the issue is that government provides free "babysitting" for ordinary kids, yet are not giving the same thing due to a disability, which appears to me to be discriminatory? Obviously I have sympathy for the school if they don't have the funds to meet their (I suspect and hope) legal obligations.

MadAntonia · 27/06/2022 20:44

OP - it sure as hell sounds discriminatory.

It should be a given that appropriate care is available for your child.

It serves no one that it isn’t.

So, I’m not sure what to suggest, but you sound like a great mum and an incredible human being. I hope you’ll be able to find the childcare you need, and pursue the line of work you want.

SickKid · 27/06/2022 20:44

AmaryIlis · 27/06/2022 20:38

Has a full care assessment been done by Children's social services? If not, ask for it immediately - it's a statutory requirement under section 17 Children Act 1989. It may be that you can make a case for respite care that enables you to work.

Direct payment hours are usually explicitly NOT to allow a parent to work but to provide respite.

Aliceruns · 27/06/2022 20:45

@Clymene no I agree it is probably not legally discrimination. Although many find it to be unjust treatment which is the definition of discrimination.

I am sorry for the position you have found yourself in, and I do understand why you feel that it would be asking too much for your local authority to fund the additional costs for your child to access the same facilities as other children - we are made to feel guilty because our children need more. But I promise you it would make sound economic sense to not push the parents of disabled children out of work and to fund this support, not always on a case by case basis, but as a cohort, it would pay its way if all those with disabled children could access childcare so that they can work.

I also just want to encourage you to question more and demand more equality for your family. You and your child are just as important as any other member of society.

Psychgrad · 27/06/2022 20:46

it sounds like they don’t feel they can support him adequately and I think you need to appreciate their honesty. I used to do after school nannying with two SEN siblings and it was perfect because we could adapt their environments depending on their needs which were ever changing. Would you consider this? Check SENNIES or SNAP care- fees are likely expensive though. Alternatively you could find Nannie’s or Childcare or Bubble with no fees but you’ll have to just pay for the platform fee.

Spaghag · 27/06/2022 20:54

I gave up my career & took a lower paid job working evenings and weekends when DS1 was young for this exact reason.

School has to find a workable solution wherever possible but can get funding for 1:1 if your child warrants it. Wraparound clubs cannot.

BlackbirdsSinging · 27/06/2022 20:58

Making reasonable adjustments does not sound financially or practically viable for an after school club unfortunately OP.

Gr33ngr33ngr4ss · 27/06/2022 20:58

GCRich · 27/06/2022 20:43

Surely the issue is that government provides free "babysitting" for ordinary kids, yet are not giving the same thing due to a disability, which appears to me to be discriminatory? Obviously I have sympathy for the school if they don't have the funds to meet their (I suspect and hope) legal obligations.

Show quote history

In our school it isn't free. It's charged per session to cover the private company that runs it.

There aren't any free ones around here.

TheodoreMortlock · 27/06/2022 21:01

We were in a similar position where we was told ASC could not accommodate DC's needs.

We use all of her DLA to fund an after school nanny through Koru Kids. She is vastly happier for it.

You could have a look at your LA's "local offer" to see if there's anything available there, and it may be worth talking to your children's disability service social worker. We had one who thought he could get us funding for after school care under the header of 'respite' or 'accessing the community' although it didn't work out in the end - but for a child with challenging behaviour you may have success there. One thing I have learned is it's always worth asking!

TheodoreMortlock · 27/06/2022 21:01

*we were told, I don't know where 'was' crept in from!

bcc89 · 27/06/2022 21:02

Not being suitable is not the same as discrimination. Your child lashes out at other children and threatens to harm himself. There are no reasonable adjustments that can help here. He needs specialist care.

Shinyandnew1 · 27/06/2022 21:09

Surely the issue is that government provides free "babysitting" for ordinary kids, yet are not giving the same thing due to a disability

What do you mean? I don’t know of any after school childcare that the government provide for families that’s free?

Tigofigo · 27/06/2022 21:11

ArmWrestlingWithChasNDave · 27/06/2022 19:42

Offer to pay his 1:1 to babysit him for an hour or two after school? They might not be able to work late but it's worth a try.

I was going to suggest this, lots of TAs could do with the extra income right now and it probably wouldn't cost a huge amount more than the club. Also, less likely to fall apart after a few weeks which frankly the ASC arrangement probably would, if you somehow got them to accommodate your child.

JaneInTheJungle · 27/06/2022 21:16

What do you mean? I don’t know of any after school childcare that the government provide for families that’s free?

Me neither. I was paying £45 a day for my two dc.

My friend uses her ds's DLA for after school care for her autistic ds. He's 14 but couldn't be by himself after school and obviously there is no after school care in mainstream secondary schools.

YomAsalYomBasal · 27/06/2022 21:22

Wow the ableism on this thread is incredible.

OP, you might want to approach social care for assessment. They may offer to fund the 1:1 or a personal assistant to look after your child at home if that's more appropriate, or they may have access to some specialist settings.

TheDoveFromAboveCooCoo · 27/06/2022 21:22

No it's not discriminatory. Your child has additional needs that the school cannot meet outside of school hours.

Your statement is "am I never expected to work a good job again" I'll break this to you gently but this isn't about you and your job prospects. You have a child with ASD who needs you right now. I'm sorry but I trying you really need to put the career type jobs on the back burner for now. There's plenty of time as he gets older but it's obvious that right now it's not going to work.

Isaidno22 · 27/06/2022 21:24

Try a childminder, nanny or nanny share.

kateandme · 27/06/2022 21:24

I'm so sorry your having to go through this.ideally there would e care for those kids too.its a shiiter.they aRe just as important.
The school rightly or wrongly sound honest.and that's for your dc too.they wouldn't want him to come to harm by not being able to give him that care.and again rightly or wrongly they just can't.have you spoken to them asking them or discussing getting that card in and gearing an explanation.that would give you proper motives for why they cant...funding,law,don't give a shit.

Have yiubsearched for local minders with asdplaces.surely surely this is a large enough need that some bright spark has entrepanured it.
Or what other help do you get for your dc.do they not know.or again,asd websites do they have any info.

Aliceruns · 27/06/2022 21:27

YomAsalYomBasal · 27/06/2022 21:22

Wow the ableism on this thread is incredible.

OP, you might want to approach social care for assessment. They may offer to fund the 1:1 or a personal assistant to look after your child at home if that's more appropriate, or they may have access to some specialist settings.

Right??? Mad!

Muminabun · 27/06/2022 21:34

This is it for parents of disabled children op. Claim carers allowance and DLA for the kids. This is all a top up to the fact that you will only ever be able to work part time flexible job. The paperwork and appointments and ad hoc pick ups from school prohibit full time roles at any sort of high level and high pay etc.

greatblueheron · 27/06/2022 21:35

JazzHandsYeah · 27/06/2022 18:48

No, you’re not being discriminated against. The school has no legal obligation beyond school hours.

This.

It has no obligation of any kind to provide it.

RubyandPearl · 27/06/2022 21:40

If the school have no obligation to provide after school care then unfortunately I don't see how you could claim discrimination. As hard as it is I'm afraid we don't live in an ideal world.

EL8888 · 27/06/2022 21:44

It’s a business they are running and it doesn’t sound like it’s worth their while. They are under no obligation what so ever to change.

Increasingly lm frustrated by people calling discrimination, when actually they are just annoyed they aren’t getting what they want

User56785 · 27/06/2022 21:46

If your dc needs extra care you should get the higher components of Disability Living Allowance for your ds (£92.40 a week) which you could put towards a childminder in term time.

The holidays are a different beast though.