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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to think myself and my child are being discriminated against by after school club?

220 replies

JudyLemon · 27/06/2022 18:35

My child has Asd and has 1:1 assistance in school all day outside of the classroom. He has his 1:1 due to his behavioural issues, he cannot be in the classroom with the other children as he cannot sit or listen during a lesson and will be extremely disruptive. If he doesn't want to do something or if he doesn't like something he will run away and will threaten his own life. However he is not often physical, he will sometimes lash out at other children but never adults.

I am starting a new job soon and will be requiring childcare after school and in the holidays, I have contacted the schools onsite childcare provider and they have said that they cannot have him. They say they have spoken to the teacher and the teacher feels the environment is not suited to my child. This is because it is very busy and loud and because they cannot provide 1:1 support. I have reached out to them again and asked them what alternative options (perhaps shorter sessions or I could provide sensory toys) they will instead give me and they have said that they cannot accommodate my son at all.

Aibu to think this is discrimination? Am I expected to never work a good job again because of my child? Surely they have to put something in place?

Let me know if any of you have been in this same position and how you made it work please.

OP posts:
elenacampana · 27/06/2022 18:56

Sorry OP, not what you want to hear, but no, I don’t think what you’ve described sounds like discrimination. Your son sounds like he has quite specific care needs that wouldn’t be readily accessible at wraparound care.

AntlerRose · 27/06/2022 18:58

It can be really difficult to access childcare when your child has SEN eith behaviour issues.

Providers do have to make reasonable adjustment under the equalities act but I dont know what reasonable adjustments consist of or how far that duty extends.

I have occassionally seen schools fund 1:1 for specific clubs that are developing spmething an SEn child needs (like a social skills lego club) but not for childcare purposes.

I have heard one route is to look at social care and funding a PA for respite or supporting your child to access key thing - but again not specifically childcare so you can work.

Sometimes charities run sen afterschoool clubs and you can see them in your local offer and access them through social services. Its likely only one afternoon a week.

There doesnt seem to be a right to work.

Didiplanthis · 27/06/2022 18:58

Sadly I have had to massively compromise my career and work opportunities as I can't find suitable child care options for my 2 DC with ASD. Neither of them have the behavioural challenges your child seems to but it was just too much for them to cope with after the school day is already so hard for them. They were just so dysregulated and distressed afterwards and the school anxiety escalated that I had to accept it wasn't happening and they needed the school holidays to find their equilibrium. It sucks but it is what it is for us 😕

Sherrystrull · 27/06/2022 18:58

Are you offering to pay for a 1:1 at ASC?

User135792468 · 27/06/2022 18:58

No, it’s not discriminatory. It’s not the schools job to enable you to work, what planet are you on? They’re there to educate your child. Your child clearly needs 1-1. Either offer to pay a rate to enable the Asc to get something in place to deal with his needs or get a nanny. You can’t expect the asc to pay out of their pocket for him to have 1-1 attention whilst you pay the lower rate they charge other parents whose children can get cared for by 1 adult to x number of children.

saraclara · 27/06/2022 18:59

I'm not sure why you'd want to put your son thrrough this. After school club isn't the structured and calm environment that the classroom is. It sounds highly unlikely that he'll cope with it, he'll be unhappy and his behaviour is likely to get worse. Which might well extend to his behaviour in school.

I'm sorry, I know it's really difficult, but clearly the after school club has neither the staffing nor the expertise to manage him safely within their very different environment. And they're not obliged to, as it's not in the school day.

howshouldibehave · 27/06/2022 19:00

If your child can’t be inside a classroom because of the other children, of course they won’t be able to go to a busy noisy after school club.

Look at childminders-it sounds like you need 1:1.

stopringingme · 27/06/2022 19:00

Look at the school's SEND policy it should tell you something about after school clubs etc or speak to the SENDCo. You will find it on their website or ask for a copy.

My DD's previous school had an after school club and I was told they were not sure they could take her by the school secretary, she said she would have to talk to the head, I checked the SEND policy and she was wrong, this was a club run by this school though. We only enquired in case we needed it (not that we did) and we then moved her to a special school and they don't do wrap around care.

Forestgate · 27/06/2022 19:00

Sorry OP it sounds very difficult.

however your child sounds like he shouldn't be in a mainstream school at all, let alone in any after school clubs

The school are being honest, which is only fair to your son and everyone else involved- including other people's children your sons behaviour effects

devildeepbluesea · 27/06/2022 19:01

By the letter of the law, I think it is discrimination: treating someone less favourably because of a protected characteristic. But there may be economic or organisational reasons which means an adjustment is not reasonable.

saraclara · 27/06/2022 19:02

he will sometimes lash out at other children

In a free flow multi activity environment, they simply will not be able to keep the other children safe. Sensory toys aren't going to cut it. He's not going to be sat at a table.

Bundlesofchocforme · 27/06/2022 19:02

Sorry to hear of your situation op. It sounds so hard and it must be frustrating for you to have to turn down opportunities. Do you have a social worker involved? Sometimes they are able to advocate or make suggestions.

MintJulia · 27/06/2022 19:03

I'm sorry but that isn't discrimination. I'm a single working mum and I feel your frustration but they do not have the resource to provide 1:1 care. Supposing your child managed to harm himself while they weren't looking.

I know it's not helpful to you but they are acting in the only way they can.

Soapboxqueen · 27/06/2022 19:04

Childcare for children with additional needs (particularly behavioural) is almost non-existent. A necessity for so many parents that isn't available to those with children with SEND. It's a massive issue.

However, from a legal perspective, the care provider must make reasonable adjustments but it sounds like your child may need more than that so they are able to refuse.

No it isn't fair but that's the reality of it. Many families have to rely on extended family or just not work.

isadoradancing123 · 27/06/2022 19:07

Without wishing to offend you, but seriously if he needs one to one in school and cannot be in a classroom, how do you seriously expect after school club to meet his needs

SleepingStandingUp · 27/06/2022 19:07

Are yo u saying you think he should go without a 121 so if he can't cope they have to basically give him 121 and not look after the other kids? Or they should find somewhere from somewhere for him to have a 121?

It isn't their problem to solve. If they'd said no because they were full would you expect them to hire new staff just for you?

DS is on o2, we've had to be really mindful of what after school clubs he goes to because the providers aren't 02 trained and at school he has to have someone who is in whichever room he's in. It's why he's not with a child minder, because they shouldn't be expected to hire new staff because I tell them to.

Yodaisawally · 27/06/2022 19:07

This isn't discrimination. ASC is pretty much run on as lean a staff as they can get away with. They don't have the ability to deal with your sons needs.

InChocolateWeTrust · 27/06/2022 19:08

Nearly all childcare provision for school aged children is privately offered by the for-profit sector. They cannot safely accomodate your child and taking him without the 1 to 1 care he needs would like endanger

  • Him
  • Other children
  • Their staff

Your only option is likely to be a specialist nanny, which will cost a lot and be difficult to find.

Clymene · 27/06/2022 19:09

No, I'm afraid it's not discrimination. This is what DLA is meant to cover. I'm guessing he gets higher rate care?

UggyPow · 27/06/2022 19:10

My son wasn’t able to tolerate the after school club a very noisy environment, with children from other classes, different leaders & different children there each day.
I changed my job to be able to support him, I take & collect him but can also rearrange things to get to him when he is heightened - coming out of a meeting at work to 40 missed calls as he was in flight mode. Not what I wanted for him - so I changed things.
I am also a Widow so needed a good income

Prinnny · 27/06/2022 19:10

Whether it’s discrimination or not is besides the point, the situation sounds grossly unsuitable for your child and unsafe for the other children. The school have made the correct decision.

Tumbleweed101 · 27/06/2022 19:11

It is frustrating for you but if they aren't able to provide 1:1 care in order to keep everyone safe then there is nothing they can do but be honest and tell you that. 1:1 provision in school will generally be through funding via an EHCP etc. This is for education not childcare and the funding is unlikely to stretch to accommodate hours outside the school day.

Better provision should be available for children with addition and specific needs but it still isn't in place yet 😞

starpatch · 27/06/2022 19:11

As another poster has said it would be worth asking for a social care assessment as they may fund the extra support, either in this setting or in a different setting.

Mojoj · 27/06/2022 19:11

It's a harsh truth but the reason so many parents (mostly mothers) of SEN kids don't work outside the home is because there's scarcely any childcare provision. Your best bet is to see if there are any charities running in your area which offer after school care. They will be staffed appropriately and have the correct skills to look after your child.

StationaryMagpie · 27/06/2022 19:11

Its not discrimination.. i couldn't send my DS to any of the clubs other than the one that his 1:1 was involved in voluntarily, and if she wasn't there, he wasn't either.

I had to give up work, we claim DLA/Carers Allowance.. he is in special school, but i have no-one to look after him outside school hours, and no-one if he is off sick or refuses to go.