Aibu to think myself and my child are being discriminated against by after school club?

[JudyLemon]

My child has Asd and has 1:1 assistance in school all day outside of the classroom. He has his 1:1 due to his behavioural issues, he cannot be in the classroom with the other children as he cannot sit or listen during a lesson and will be extremely disruptive. If he doesn't want to do something or if he doesn't like something he will run away and will threaten his own life. However he is not often physical, he will sometimes lash out at other children but never adults.

I am starting a new job soon and will be requiring childcare after school and in the holidays, I have contacted the schools onsite childcare provider and they have said that they cannot have him. They say they have spoken to the teacher and the teacher feels the environment is not suited to my child. This is because it is very busy and loud and because they cannot provide 1:1 support. I have reached out to them again and asked them what alternative options (perhaps shorter sessions or I could provide sensory toys) they will instead give me and they have said that they cannot accommodate my son at all.

Aibu to think this is discrimination? Am I expected to never work a good job again because of my child? Surely they have to put something in place?

Let me know if any of you have been in this same position and how you made it work please.

You just need to make more appropriate arrangements for specialist care.

School summer clubs don't have sen provision. They are just that. Clubs. So if your child isn't suitable for it they will say no as it's not safe.

It's not discrimination it's health and safety

There will be many things that he won't be able to access as tie progresses. (sad but true). It's finding what is right for your child

Maybe be would be better with 1-1 nanny or aupair ?

The asc need to consider whether they can make reasonable adjustments to enable your ds. From what you say they haven't but also given your description of your ds they would be likely to need to do more than would be covered by reasonable adjustments. We are in the same boat and use an after school nanny but recognise it's not an option for many as it's so expensive. It's certainly not covered by our DLA payments. It's really really shit and it seems it's very easy for parents of NT kids to be dismissive of the need for after school care for kids with SEN. But one of the reasons that parents of kids with SEN are more likely to live in poverty is their ability to work is impacted.

I think they're being honest with you and doing the right thing by your son. Definitely not discriminations. Unfortunately they can't care for him, I can't imagine any after school club would have the resources to do that, as others mentioned they just wouldn't receive the funds. Also how would it impact all of the other children they care for if they were having to give your child 1 to 1 care.

Basically boils down to never being able to work because there is no provision for our children with sen. My youngest has asd and adhd and is unsuitable for after school clubs or holiday clubs so I work part time. In the holidays on days I work his older brother or dad cares for him I would love for him to go somewhere that caters for his needs so he can join in activities and have fun like other children. It’s horrible that our kids are excluded from activities because of their needs.

Clubs need to be available even if it’s one day or am/pm session for them to participate in the same things/activists other children get to experience. I know some areas do clubs for kids but never seen anything here with all the fighting with school to get stuff in place I struggle to get the enthusiasm to find a club for him then worry he’s ok there which is sad and it’s sad for all the children who miss out and then have people say oh well tough luck or you’re on another planet to think your child could participate in activities ever other child gets to enjoy! I understand everyone has to be safe but our kids should be able to access these clubs (set up for them and their needs) too!

I haven't read the whole thread but I am an autistic individual who has ADHD. ADHD can cause emotional dysregulation, rejection sensitivity - inc suicidal thoughts, and an inability to sit still. I've found ADHD meds to be life-changing, especially in relation to stabilising my emotions, so if I was in your shoes I'd be pursuing a diagnosis and whether meds work for him.

Have you applied for DLA? It could be used for additional childcare costs, such as 1:1 help after school.

Unfortunately, the school does not have to provide any after school club provision at all for any children at all. The EHCP only covers the school day.

More information here: https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/specialeducationall_needs/4200221-After-school-club-refused

There may well be funding available from social services but it is not from the funding the school receives to provide 1:1 during the school day.

And I am perfectly aware of my child's legal rights thank you. I really resent the implication that those of us who've been battling the system for years simply aren't trying hard enough.

thanks you make it sound so easy, any tips on where to find specialist care that’s affordable?

That is amazing. I'm going to need some of that from September when my DC starts in a school for DC with additional needs.

Unfortunately it sounds like a health and safety risk if he lashes out at other children. As others have said. Perhaps childcare at home may feel better for him?

No, they don't have to provide the club at all, but if they do provide the club and it is for the exclusive use of the children from the school (irrespective of if it is run by a private company) then it does have to be made accessible to all the children in the school. If they don't then that is discrimination.

I'm sorry if you found that comment upsetting. That wasn't my intention at all. There are people on this thread who don't see their children as being entitled to access these things. That acceptance is what I find sad. The fact that anyone has to battle at all for stuff that should be their right makes me rage. That is absolutely not aimed at the people doing the battling, it's aimed at the people in positions of power to do something about it! I am sorry to hear that you have been battling for years. It really shouldn't be that way.

"then it does have to be made accessible to all the children in the school. If they don't then that is discrimination."

It is childcare which is a service for parents not an activity club.
Even with an activity club the duty is still to make reasonable adjustments and for some children there will be no reasonable adjustments that would make the club accessible to them.

"The range of activities offered and the way in which they are offered and delivered must not discriminate."

This does not mean that all activities must be accessible to all children. It means that reasonable adjustments must be made. It also means the range of activities must be considered so that you do not end up with lots of activities which cannot be accessible to children with particular disabilities.

If you are struggling for after school care have you considered asking his (or another) teaching assistant from the school to walk DC home and keep him there and you pay them an hourly rate for this?

Please don't do this. You would be putting your DS's TA in a really awkward position. I am a DSL and would have to advise staff very strongly against agreeing to such an arrangement.

Or perhaps consider a career as a teaching assistant/school kitchen/school reception so that you are able to take him to school and take him home but also earn some income.

Why do people assume that school staff are able to leave as soon as the bell rings for home time? This is absolutely not the case. Our TA's are in from 8am till 4pm at the earliest. Reception leave even later. Not to mention that being a TA is actually a very demanding, specialist role. It's always very obvious when people are doing it because they think its going to be convenient for childcare and IME they don't last long.

I feel like people who are saying there is ableism on this thread are taking a very simplistic view. Things need to change, of course they do. But it will take a seismic shift in society to accommodate and accept everyone. It’s not going to start with one ill equipped after school.

Have you read that thread I linked to @cecilthehungryspider? It lays out the school's legal responsibilities under the EHCP clearly.

Also what the disappearing OP and many other posters have failed to consider is that even if the school were able to magic up a 1:1 for ASC, it doesn't sound like the right environment for her child.

I have an autistic child and he cannot cope with after school clubs, holiday clubs, restaurants, supermarkets, parties etc etc. i could of course have stuck him in an ASC but it would have made him profoundly unhappy. And you can't legislate for that. It is my problem to solve as his parent.

@cecilthehungryspider they do provide the club and it is for the exclusive use of the children from the school (irrespective of if it is run by a private company) then it does have to be made accessible to all the children in the school. If they don't then that is discrimination

That truly isn't how discrimination works.

But of course it doesn’t. For example, if they were at full capacity, or didn’t have availability on your days, or your child was too old/too young. Just because it’s on school premises doesn’t mean they’re obligated to make space for any child regardless of whether they can safely and appropriately care for that child.

This is wrong. The club is under a duty to make reasonable adjustments for children with disabilities. It is not required to accommodate them at any cost. In this case, they cannot provide a suitable environment for OP's child as the club is busy and loud. Also, OP's child needs 1:1 care which they cannot provide as they do not have any funding for this. They have therefore concluded that no reasonable adjustments are possible. If the OP took the club provider to court over this, I would expect the club provider to win.

Thank you @prh47bridge - good to have a professional opinion.

I am infuriated by this poster saying this thread is full of people who are completely unaware of their children's legal rights when she's spouting stuff that isn't bloody true. No help to anyone.