It’s my birthday today and partner has not said anything to me

[Littlebitlost0001]

Hi All,

I don’t want this to come off as self pity, I just don’t know if IABU and not seeing another side to this.

So for context.
Today is my birthday, I am 37 weeks pregnant tomorrow and have a lovely 8 year old boy. I am with my the kids dad but our relationship is strained.
Especially over the last week - we are having house renovations and he has consistently blamed me about them despite me saying to only do upstairs and later do downstairs but he insisted on doing the entire house together.

Plesse note I am paying for all of the renovations and we stayed in a hotel for 2 weeks while the bulk of the work was being done. It’s not ideal but I’m heavily pregnant and can manage.

There have been 2 big arguments in the past week and I am just blamed for absolutely everything, everything I do is wrong and selfish apparently.

He has not said anything to me, no happy birthday nothing.
My son doesn’t know it’s my birthday bless him so I just got him ready and he went to school as usual.

This day is especially tough for me as it will be the first birthday without my dad (he passed away almost a year ago and our birthdays are only a week apart - I was very close to my dad, he was a single parent and raised me and my brother alone).

AIBU to even think my partner may wish me happy birthday? I don’t expect a gift, card or anything .

My partners birthday was less than a month after my dad passed and I still ensured I arranged a lovely weekend away for the 3 of us.

Thank you in advance anyone who reads/replies. X

My ex did exactly the same thing a few years ago. Completely ignored it, treated me like shit on the day, still expected dinner cooked etc. My kids have special needs and didn’t know so we had a normal day, it wasn’t acknowledged at all. Until bedtime when my youngest wouldn’t sleep and my ex went to bed as normal except sneered at me “happy fucking birthday” and laughed (knowing my youngest could easily be awake all night at times and this was looking to be a rough night). My eldest heard and burst into tears because he hadn’t known and hadn’t made me a card or said happy birthday.

Happy Birthday x please make yours an ex too if they are going to treat you so badly. Try to treat yourself if you can, take away for dinner, go and buy some chocolates or bubble bath or whatever for after your child is in bed. Anything that makes you happy x

Have a little celebration with your son and a cake. If it’s a bit different just explain that you are tired but it’s lovely to do this. Long term you know you need to split and sound like you’ll be fine.

Happy Birthday sweetheart… you know what you need to do xx

When your baby is here join a few baby groups I've found them great for making friends.

please leave him, he is being abusive. I know it seems scary but once you're out the other side you'll feel so much better - been there too!

happy birthday 🥳

Partner doesn’t contribute to mortgage or bills, school fees etc it’s all me. I’m now on Mat leave so going into a budget
He does expect a lot from me as in to pay for his car (I don’t drive) his bills if he doesn’t work (he’s a taxi driver).
I have definitely lost myself, I’d like to be able to salvage things as he has been there for me after my dad passed but equally added so much pressure to me that I didn’t need, I took only 10 days off work and have worked straight through to my mat leave now I have to manage all bills etc which is still really hard. He shouted at me yesterday for getting a pedicure :/

God almighty, OP. This man is horrible and he's gaslighting you into thinking this is normal and OK. It's not. You own the house, you are paying for the renovations, you are paying for the mortgage, bills and your son's school fees, AND you are subsidising him and his job ... and he thinks he can shout at you for getting a pedicure and tell your child that it's your fault the house is a shithole?

He's an ungrateful cunt. And the only reason he was 'there for you' after the sad loss of your dad is because you're paying for everything and putting a roof over his head. Now that you're going on to maternity leave and won't be as well-off as you are when you're working, he's acting like a spoilt brat because you won't be keeping him in the manner to which he is accustomed.

Honestly? I would do everything you can to get his man out of the house before your baby is born.

Your little boy sounds absolutely lovely, by the way, and he shouldn't have to listen to his father talking about you and the house you provide for the family in the way he does.

The absent birthday wishes are the least of your worries. But you know that already.

Birthday greetings, Little. And I hope that your next birthday is a truly happy one, with your son and your baby, having got rid of that worse-than-useless parasite of a man who is currently ruining your life.

He is a truly harmful role model for your DS; for that alone, you and DC would be very much better off without him. And I hate to think how difficult he could make your life when you are vulnerable in childbirth and with a small baby.

Please give yourself (and DC) a truly valuable birthday gift, by getting rid of this useless man.

I'm sorry this is happening.
Can you arrange to do something, you and your son for when he finishes school?
Go out for tea or something?

I really hope that you manage to do something nice today.

I don't want to say what I think of your partner. I think enough people have said things already.

But I will say - please seek some support. Whether it's from family, friends, making new friends while pregnant?
You may make some new mum friends?

It sounds like you manage a hell of a lot yourself, and especially financially - you would get by ok without him.
You deserve far better than this.

Happy birthday 🌺 I do hope you day gets better xx

Happy birthday 🎈
It sounds like you don't have much support around,and I'm guessing he knows that. He's probably isolated you from your friends without you even knowing.,now he's working on your son. Scrabble back any support you can ,midwife, work colleagues anyone and kick the fucker out , he's an abuser.

Happy birthday.

Every second you are with this man your child learns this is how to treat people/be treated. Do you want this for your child? History tends to repeat itself.

Happy birthday op.

The best present you can possibly have? A divorce treat yourself to one. Your basically doing everything single handed anyway.

I rarely comment on posts but felt an incredible urge to reply - You are better than this. Please do not allow this treatment 🙏🏼 Happy birthday and I hope you celebrate with your son 💐

Snap

He sounds like a petulant blamer to live with. Why put up with it?

Happy birthday 🎂 🥳 🎉 Xx

You deserve better.

Happy birthday ❤️

Sorry also meant to say leave the div.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY !!🎂

Happy birthday sweetheart, you deserve so much more than this man x

My exh ruined my 40th. He was en exh before I was 41.

Thank goodness you aren't married. Kick his arse out tonight...

Happy Birthday to You ... in song!

Happy Birthday. Please get yourself something lovely.
I am really sorry that you are facing the first birthday without your Dad under such difficult conditions. It is very clear that your partner does not love you . If he did he would have pulled out all the stops for you today, instead of being even more of an abusive asshole than normal.
Did your Dad know that your partner behaves like this?
My guess is that you have always shielded people from the difficulties in your relationship. Honestly though, he’s a complete tosser. You deserve so much better. Start planning how you want your life to look on your next birthday, don’t have another like this.
Good luck with the baby too.

MNHQ need an emergency signal, like Batman.
The call goes out, nearest MNs are deployed and bastards like these are met with packed bags and a protective cordon of fierce women.
one of these women will be locksmith, one a solicitor and possibly another who is a massage therapist.

Happy birthday OP x
I’m sorry you haven’t properly processed your dad passing away and yes it does sound like you have lost yourself.
You need to process your grief and really reflect on life and think about whether your lived experience of today is the life you want and deserve for you and your DC?
Know your worth!
Best wishes and don’t be afraid of a life without your DP.

@ladymalfoy45 I’m in. I do a brilliant bedtime routine.