To believe sports day should be optional?

[SafeHeaven]

Dd is starting to worry about sports day, she hates it every year and always comes last.

She hates all the parents watching her whilst she struggles with the sack etc and always has tears when everyone has finished and she still has a way to go.

Ive asked the school if sports day can be optional as it’s not worth the anxiety leading up to it and the humiliation of it. I’ve been told they have never been asked this before and they will need to discuss it with SLT.

Listening to the radio the other day, many people have bad memories of it.

AIBU to request sports day is optional?

If it was optional half the girls would pull out. And peer pressure would pull the others out

Maybe schools should just be boring like my primary was 'no educational value' scrap it along with school trips.

Whilst I understand your point of view, for some non academic children this is their only chance to shine. My nephew is severely dyslexic and struggles to read at all but won a couple of medals at sports day. It would be a shame to deprive him of his only chance of success at school.

Nothing else at school is optional. What about children who always do badly academically? They don’t get to opt out, and probably feel bad about themselves every day. It’s a better life lesson to learn how to deal with things you find difficult rather than opt out of them. YABU

In your situation I’d make up an appointment for the afternoon to take her out of school to be honest. It’s not worth her getting so upset about.
when I was at school many years ago it was optional as to which race you did apart from a whole school race at the end which was fun more than an actual race. It worked as most children have something they like to do eg. If they don’t like running then they’re happy to try throwing a hoop to a target

Kids are good at some things and no others - she just needs to get on with it.

Being out cheering classmates shouldn’t be optional (other than for children who really struggle with that side of things)

having to compete should be encouraged but not forced.

it isn’t comparable to normal day to day school. We wouldn’t expect a child who struggles with spelling to do a spelling bee in front of all their peers and parents. We would still expect them to do the lessons. Same here they still have to do PE just not forced competition.

You’re right, and not alone. A great many people are put off exercise and sport by PE. It’s interesting however how some people won’t countenance the idea of it being optional

No, I think s hooks need to deal with it better though.
If you've got a child having anxiety about coming last, what are school doing to make the pressure off and make it fun whilst still rewarding those who do well? What are home and school doing about the anxiety over not being "good enough"?

Letting kids just not do stuff they dont like unless it's directly educational doesn't help them imo.

There's always practises and school will likely know who's slower etc so I'd be in favour of streaming the runners so the slower kids run in the same race

Many thanks for your responses.

The children are not asked what they want to do, the teacher does the choosing.

I like the idea that they can choose what they want to do.

Sports day is in the morning so if school don’t agree it’s optional then I will just take her in before lunch.

I don’t understand why high schools don’t do it, but it’s only primary schools that do.

It sounds like you need to work on developing your DD’s ‘growth mindset’ and supporting characteristics like effort and perseverance rather than simply achievement. If you simply allow your DD to opt out of situations where she doesn’t excel then how will she ever become a resilient and well rounded adult?

if she’s so anxious about being last then you perhaps need to reflect on whether she’s rewarded/praised only for achievement instead of for effort.

I think it's how the school deal with it which makes children feel included or not. If it's only about competition and sneering at anyone who didn't win, that's horrible. But there are also schools where any child who struggles is cheered on by everyone and given a big, genuine round of applause when they complete the race. There might be prizes for participation or great effort as well as coming first. Some children might also be given other 'helping' jobs as well to keep them involved and feeling valued. Perhaps the school could help with this and make the expectations clear.

I am dyslexic, I was below average in every subject at primary, and it was fucking demoralising experiencing that everyday. Sports day was the only day I felt good about myself, but by making it optional, it would devalue my achievements. Those who struggle academically, need these types of days, it boosts their confidence.

Shall we ban maths? I use to sit in class becoming teary eyed because I could not do basic equations.

Yanbu. DD refused to go in last year for it so this year they have said she can help with scoring. She hates people seeing her and has had massive school refusal issues.
It's like kids who struggle at maths being made to answer questions in public.

@SafeHeaven high schools do it
My ds school did every year at the local running track and everyone had to attend , normally down am year 7/8 and pm year 9/10
Though they did have to volunteer for races and some never competed just watched but was compulsory to be there.
It used to be a great day and for my son the only chance at school to maybe win or come third in something, all reading and writing comps he was never going to be up there
Primary normally only a few competitive races and rest just going round doing bean bag throwing etc at ours
And all was done fo housepoints both primary and secondary so it was also about which house won

@megletthesecond they are in school every day , quite a lot

The problem is, some non academic children also are rubbish at sports, like my DD.

Our school did it relatively well. They did 'practices' beforehand and then very quietly set the races by ability so you had all the sporty ones against each other. They also did massive relay things so you couldn't see who was fast and who wasn't. They also let them choose what events they wanted to do.

YANBU

FlatWhiteLover Yes let’s ban the compulsory maths tests that take place in front of the whole school and parents. Oh wait there aren’t any!

We are living with the fallout from non differentiated PE lessons and humiliating sports days that my dyspraxic daughter was forced to do. It had a big impact on her self esteem and mental health.

The school is organising it badly.

DDs school did nice, properly inclusive sports days - in teams in ks1, by house in ks2. There were fun events like cumulative throwing or jumping so whatever a child could add to their teams distance helped.

They supported able athletes to compete in inter schools events etc, but sports day was for fun and 'team spirit'.

My dd wasn't at all sporty at that age, I think I'd have encouraged her to have a go but if she was going to get upset and it would be a horribly negative experience that would be counterproductive. Schools should have a bit of sensitivity at maybe find a non competitive role for a few kids who really hate it. Holding the end of the finishing tape, that sort of thing.

YANBU. It wasn't being last that I minded (I actually wasn't the slowest, though not far off). It was the being watched that makes sports day so hideous. I don't understand why anyone would enjoy it, but some do so let them crack on and let those who hate it sit out and cheer.

It also enabled a lot of low-level bullying - being visibly shit at something and not in the classroom environment, there's a lot of scope for nasty comments and jeering.

That’s just the point loopy, all the op wants is for it to be optional not abolished

That sounds like a great way of doing it @TeenPlusCat It makes sense anyway to have three or four smaller groups of people with similar enough ability. There's no 'sport' in it at either end, for the people who finish in the first quarter or for the people who finish in the last quarter.

What you’re describing sounds completely different to sports day at our primary school. They divide each class into six teams of five, and the classes move round lots of events. About half of them are team competitions, e.g. relay races, and half are quick fire mini competitors between six kids at a time. The kids get excited and competitive and cheer each other on but nothing’s a big deal, everything’s over quickly and the audience is just their friends and a small bunch of class parents.

My DCs are also well organised. They do lots of 'practices' running up to it basically to stream them into groups from athletes down to fun runners. So there is no child who gets massively left behind. They also run in house colours so kids of all abilities get lots of cheers as you are adding to the house total
For your team however you place.

There are always one or two who look a bit
Distressed by the sea of faces when they march out. But it passes.

Its a fine line-as if id have been given the opt out card at school for various things id have used it constantly. Its uncomfortable but we do need to learn to push through. And not always avoid. Im still doing this every day of my working life. I think id be coping less
Well now because of it.

I don't think they should stop sports day, but I do think they should have it "behind closed doors" so the parents aren't invited.
Just like maths test results arent pinned on the board , and poetry writing competitions celebrate the winners, without showing the variety, we can have races, and celebrate that red team scored the most points, and John Brown is the fastest kid in the school without having every man and his dog watching the process.

And as for growth mindset and resilience she has that in spades as has spent years mastering difficult skills and squashing down feelings that go with it.