To believe sports day should be optional?

[SafeHeaven]

Dd is starting to worry about sports day, she hates it every year and always comes last.

She hates all the parents watching her whilst she struggles with the sack etc and always has tears when everyone has finished and she still has a way to go.

Ive asked the school if sports day can be optional as it’s not worth the anxiety leading up to it and the humiliation of it. I’ve been told they have never been asked this before and they will need to discuss it with SLT.

Listening to the radio the other day, many people have bad memories of it.

AIBU to request sports day is optional?

.
Why? The chances of the dyslexic child even knowing are, realistically, zero, because everyone in the class will be working at different rates and probably doing differentiated work. It's not as if everyone is sitting around watching them finish their maths task last, is it? Let alone that certain children are being put on a podium and given prizes for it.

It should be optional, I struggled so much in school, even academically. I was an exceptionally clumsy child (still am as an adult) and I have asthma, sports day used to fill me with dread and embarrassment, I hated every second of it and would often lie to try and get out of it at all costs!

Yes, it's a nonsensical comparison.

There are plenty of chances for the sporty kid to be ahead of the non-sporty ones, notably by being picked for teams or to represent the school.

Nowadays, fortunately, children aren't compared against their peers in class. Gone are the days when people were seated according to how well they did in tests, or when class lists were published showing who was coming top and bottom. But that child who always gets picked last for sports teams and always struggles in last in races is humiliated in front of the whole school and their parents.

Your kidding right? Kids academic achievements are celebrated all the time in school, and of course a dyslexic child can recognise they aren’t as good as other kids at some school work, they aren’t stupid.

@AmaryIlis my daughter is dyslexic, she knows that her peers don’t struggle like she does.
Anytime they have a test or have work relating to spellings she is left feeling inadequate and then she heard everyone around her saying “oh that was so easy!” Yet she found it incredibly stressful, difficult and overwhelming.
Kids definitely know when they aren’t able to understand things as well as their peers.

If children are just quietly taken out of this sort of thing by parents I doubt it’s setting them up well for later life, when your successes and failures at work are pretty visible.

Struggling through something hard is to be applauded. Giving up seems like the wrong thing to do.

If they are worried about coming last, then they can train or practice at home to get better.

Life doesn't work like that. YABU

What other subjects are children forced to do in from of the whole school, all the teachers and all the parents?

@agentmagenta, actual my DS is very sporty, swims for his town and plays cricket at county level, and gets annoyed his school has a non competitive Sports Day. He is at secondary and they had this weird slow bike ride race. Slowest won. DS is not amused and refuses to do it. Entry is optional but all have to watch, cheer on their house. I find it rather amusing.

Read the OP again

Nowadays, fortunately, children aren't compared against their peers in class. Gone are the days when people were seated according to how well they did in tests, or when class lists were published showing who was coming top and bottom. But that child who always gets picked last for sports teams and always struggles in last in races is humiliated in front of the whole school and their parents.

We cross posted, but they are! My child’s school certainly does, it’s not in a nasty way but academic achievements are celebrated all the time, and those who do well in lessons or at tasks get house points and golden tickets, and then there’s the weekly certificate in assembly which can be sport based but normally isn’t. Maybe some schools don’t do that, but ours absolutely do.

I remember at school, having to stand up in the classroom and spell out words, and failing miserably. How is that any different to running in a sack race / relay in front of your peers?

That was then, this is now. That sort of practice is recognised as unacceptable and doesn't happen nowadays - or if it does, it needs to be reported immediately to the head teachers.

By making it optional is taking away the one day a year that several children thrive who struggle throughout the year. I use to better than some of my class mates on sports day, and y'know what it felt good.

Why is that the only day that such children thrive? Don't they do well in PE lessons and get picked to compete in house and school teams when they get plenty of chances to do better than their classmates?

It shouldn't be optional, it's like many other things in life, we all have to do things we don't like.

You should work on your daughter's self esteem and make it clear that she doesn't need to win races, you'll be proud of her for taking part.

As someone has said, too many children would opt out if they could. And they can't opt out of other school activities. Everyone (in primary schools) is involved in school plays, art and PE lessons, whether they are good at these things or not.

Being last at sports day is OK if you otherwise have good self esteem from academics, or music, or art.
It is much less OK if everything else at school knocks your self esteem on a day to day basis.

Avoiding something she doesn't like, year on year, is not your only option.

Get her practicing - up and down the garden in a pillow case, with a potato on a spoon - make it as fun as possible, but just put some practice in before hand. If she has another non sporty friend, they could practice together, just by tying their legs together at the park and making it a game. You aren't doing this to win, just to take the pressure out of it and show her that anything can be improved with practice.

If she comes to you and tells you she doesn't like something because she is bad at it, you don't say "well we'll avoid it then," you say "Nobody starts off good at everything, if you struggle with this I bet you can get better, I'll help you..."

The other option is to talk to the school about doing it slightly differently.

Then you and other parents need to talk to the school about recognising other achievements which include sport but also go beyond it to include artistic achievements and the children who work hard, are helpful, etc.

Strange how every little thing a child doesn't like is labelled as abuse these days.

Why is that the only day that such children thrive? Don't they do well in PE lessons and get picked to compete in house and school teams when they get plenty of chances to do better than their classmates?

Whilst ours do celebrate academic achievements, it’s a primary school so there are no sports teams at school, this stuff doesn’t happen. PE isn’t competitive, it’s team based or stuff like swimming or dance, nobody is celebrated for being good at PE.

I was not educated in the UK so maybe things are different but we were all given the same work that was standardised for the year group so exuse my ignorance on that sorry.

But to this day, I was year 5/6 so you notice the difference in pace / questions. I distinctly remember sitting in tears because everyone else could do long division faster than me, I was still stuck on the easier questions. I got held in during the P.E lesson and had to work through it with a T.A. It was so, so demoralisaing and my confidence was absolutely wrecked, everyone else was having fun but because I could not achieve what I was suppose to I had to stay in.

What do you mean "high schools don't do it"? My daughter is in Year 7 and her school does Sports Day, but they can choose which events to participate in, which I think is a good idea.

I do think it’s odd that the only public display or first and last at school is sports day. It’s equivalent to inviting all the parents to watch a spelling contest.
If they are going to do it children should be able to chose to take part.