To believe sports day should be optional?

[SafeHeaven]

Dd is starting to worry about sports day, she hates it every year and always comes last.

She hates all the parents watching her whilst she struggles with the sack etc and always has tears when everyone has finished and she still has a way to go.

Ive asked the school if sports day can be optional as it’s not worth the anxiety leading up to it and the humiliation of it. I’ve been told they have never been asked this before and they will need to discuss it with SLT.

Listening to the radio the other day, many people have bad memories of it.

AIBU to request sports day is optional?

It should 100% be optional and I would NEVER force my child to go through it. Absolutely horrible for non sporty kids

Exactly. The current approach seems to be teaching many children that being physical active is at best disagreeable and at worst humiliating, and cause them to avoid it as much as possible once they're able to.

In life we don't get to opt out of things we don't enjoy.

Yes, we do. We don't get to opt out of EVERYTHING we don't enjoy, true. But we mostly don't spend our lives doing things that we hate just for the sake of doing things that we hate.

In particular, most adults opt out of playing sports. If we'd like fewer people to opt out of sports, maybe we should make it a less humiliating experience for so many early in life.

@Lola4321 given how few calories exercise actually burns I'd think obesity more to do with diet, the things people are eating and the additives in food rather than walking to school.

As a nation we have also lost track of what 'normal / healthy' weight looks like.

Obesity is not cured by sports day, but simply by more activity. This can be achieved without the ritual humiliation.

As a nation we have also lost track of what 'normal / healthy' weight looks like Not really - we don't do these things 'as a nation' - there is clear economic divide on obesity and the reasons for obesity are related to poverty, poor food availability, food advertising, exercise, mental health etc etc.

The waking to school angle is caused in a large amount, IMO, by the (sometimes illusion of) choices of schools, rather than kids going to their local school. Many children can’t walk to school because it’s too far.

another is the fact that many more children are in childcare in the morning because all the adults in the house have to work full time.

Schools now have an insistence so often (that they don’t actually have the power to insist on, but parents don’t often realise) that children are dropped off and picked up by an adult until last year or primary. Many parents can’t wait for the bell, walk home and drive to work - they don’t have time.
That also decreases the number of children walking, which makes it less safe for those that would and that gets into a cycle.
I had to be very firm with my DDs school last year that she would (at 8yo) be walking to school herself when her brother went up to high school because it’s a perfectly safe route with roads that takes her about 3 minutes tops and I can see her from our garden or upstairs window.

However, imo the biggest factor after processed food is that kids don’t play out in anything like the way they used to. We were out on bikes all day. Or climbing trees. Or swimming in the river (I’m glad mine don’t do that!). They’re generally nowhere near as active as kids used to be. Humans overall are much less active than before I thinkZ

So ive had an email today from dd teacher, he says the head would like dd to pick a race she would like to do (rather than automatically being put down for it) and then if on the day on the field she doesn't want to do it, then she can just say so.

I’ve emailed back explaining that dd wont say she doesn't want to do it at the time as she will feel she has to. Dd does have issues with speaking up for herself. I’ve explained that if its not a no she doesn't have to participate, then dd will not be in on the sports day school morning.

I also mentioned that i do feel that the sports day event does need an over haul and many schools in the country do have optional participation in regards to sports day, and it would be nice if the school could follow suit.

i just got a reply saying thanks for your reply and that was it!

I'd just keep her off. It doesn't sound like you can be sure she won't be in an environment where she'll feel she has to participate. Vote with your feet.

So ive had an email today from dd teacher, he says the head would like dd to pick a race she would like to do (rather than automatically being put down for it) and then if on the day on the field she doesn't want to do it, then she can just say so.

That sounds an appalling compromise. The poor kid has to spend the afternoon on the sports field, bored to death watching other people succeed, and it would take a very strong-minded child to say no to participating when asked. And what if there is literally no race she would like to do?

Glad you stood your ground, OP. A good example you're setting!

Archaic attitudes from the school in this day and age!

Someone has to come last in every race though , why are people not teaching kids that thats ok ? Even top athletes will come last
Isn't learning to loose just one of lives experiences ? Learning its ok to not be good at everything , my kids were not that great academically but in sports they generally fair ok and its one thing they stood a chance to do well in,
They lost races too as well though or sports games but they learnt from those as much as the ones they won

There's a major difference if you come last when you know that you were in the race because you were picked as being one of the best 6, 12 or whatever in the school. It just doesn't compare with that child who struggles in last out of 30 every single bloody time. You can teach a child that they won't always win without publicly humiliating them.

My experience has been that students who come top academically are often elite athletes too.

This has also been my experience actually (only anecdotal of course). I guess it may be different in some parts of the world like the US, but in Europe often kids who are gifted at sport are actually good at everything. I still remember the to best students at my school who were both A* students at absolutely everything and were both really talented athletes. They were also gorgeous and very nice so I secretly hated their guts because how can someone be so bloody perfect 😬

two*

Yes, by this logic finishing 8th in the Olympic 100 metres final is akin to being the kid who comes last in everything at sports day every year. And that kid, despite the attraction some people have to the idea that everyone has their chance to shine, may very well be unremarkable academically too, and be watching kids who come top of the class win the races as well.