To believe sports day should be optional?

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Dd is starting to worry about sports day, she hates it every year and always comes last.

She hates all the parents watching her whilst she struggles with the sack etc and always has tears when everyone has finished and she still has a way to go.

Ive asked the school if sports day can be optional as it’s not worth the anxiety leading up to it and the humiliation of it. I’ve been told they have never been asked this before and they will need to discuss it with SLT.

Listening to the radio the other day, many people have bad memories of it.

AIBU to request sports day is optional?

My son is hearing impaired, the noise of the crowd and the lack on an induction loop on the PA system at sports day means its essentially an audio mindfuck for him. So he has a day off on sports day instead.

Yes I have been left in tears in class because I cant achieve what I am expected to do as per the circulum set by the govt. I actually hid in the toilets to avoid a certain exercise and got put in detention.

I remember it being compulsory at primary age. For some reason I detested the sack race and I remember being cross we had to take part. There's a photo of me in the sack race (thanks Mother) coming second to last. None of me excelling in the other events.

It wasn't compulsory at secondary and it was mostly those of us who were on the teams. Highlights were the teachers race.

Seems to be the same for dc. The primary was the more 'fun' affair that think, or supposed to be. I do think participation ought to be optional.

My kids secondary say everyone has to do something.

It's fine for my middle child who is academic , musical AND sporty as she knows she can do it to a good standard. Doesn't mean she wants the whole school watching though!

I don’t think it should be optional. We can’t always opt out of the things in life we find difficult.

I do think that the focus should be on looking at why so many children will find be so anxious, find it so humiliating and traumatising to come last at sports day. Exercise is essential for us all and most people do not do enough. We need to instill into our children that physical activity is essential for good health and give them lots of praise for participation and for working towards their own personal goals.

This starts with parents setting the example. So those with children who find sports day a challenge, how about using the next 12 months to make sure that as families you are getting physically active (not suggesting you are not already), and that as parents we are showing that we are also getting outside our comfort goals, working towards personal goals and showing children that the purpose of sport is not always to win, but to be healthy, active and to enjoy it! You never know, a child may do an activity on sports day and completely surprise themselves over what they can achieve.

Parkrun is a really great way for whole families to get active in public without having to focus on the competition aspect.

Surely it is optional? You just claim illness or an appointment and don’t attend? I have mild asthma and got out of most school sport by claiming I couldn’t breathe and wasn’t allowed to exert myself.

Yes I have been left in tears in class because I cant achieve what I am expected to do as per the circulum set by the govt. I actually hid in the toilets to avoid a certain exercise and got put in detention.

Some of the dyslexic children who have had similar experiences to you in this respect will also be very bad at sports. Do you think they should be obligated to participate in sports day anyway so that sporty kids (plenty of whom will also be high achieving academically) can have the fun of beating them, or do you take an interest in the welfare of dyslexic DC even if they aren't fast runners?

"It really is double standards that children who do not like sport get to 'opt out' but children who struggle academically have a 13 year education of constantly being behind the ape ball."

No, I think two different things are being compared here. The equivalent would be like saying, because Sports day is compulsory the school spelling bee competition should be compulsory too, and every child (whether dyslexic or not) should be forced to stand up and compete in the spelling test with the whole school and parents watching.

Being shit at maths and English, has the same humiliation as the kids who are shit at PE and are humiliated by being picked last, others not wanting them on their teams week in week out. Maths lessons are comparable to PE lessons. Sports days are comparable to maths olympiads or spelling bee competitions. We wouldn't make our weakest children do this in front of the whole school, so why do we humiliate our non sporty kids in this way?

Not british so I've never had something like "sports day". Sounds pretty boring tbh. I'd have hated going (and I'm neither particularly bad nor particularly good at sports).

I think the obesity argument is bad - a fat kid humiliated in front of the whole school isn't going to walk away wanting to exercise more, quite the opposite.

As for the whole "chance to shine" thing it is flawed reasoning too :

• One being academic doesn't mean they're not also sporty, and one being bad at academics doesn't mean they're sporty. So the two don't balance out.


• more importantly, why should humiliation be okay in either setting ? If the schools don't give struggling kids a nurturing environment that is an issue, but a very separate one to sports day being mandatory or not.

At the end of the day though we have to acknowledge that school is about academics more than sports, because school is supposed to lead to a job/career. And sporty careers are not achieved through school, typically they are achieved outside of school. So sports day is pretty unimportant (but can still be pretty humiliating). Ideally kids should have the resilience to shrug and smile when they lose, but not all do. If I saw my kids really anxious about something like this I wouldn't bother talking to the school, I'd just pull them out.

The fact is that unless you're going to make a career out of sports (in which case you'd probably get there through a club, not school) then sports is pretty unimportant compared to academics.

"Being shit at maths and English, has the same humiliation as the kids who are shit at PE"

Thinking about dyslexic children and those with dyscalculia here!

DD’s wasn’t compulsory at Secondary. She just used to sit in field with her friends all day supposedly watching.
You can be active without doing sports eg walking, dancing. Just because a child dislikes sports day doesn’t mean they aren’t active.

I like idea someone posted on here recently. A few normal sports days races but mixed with backwards races (the slowest race / most silly) to make it more fun

You cannot compare maths/English with sports day.

Posters keep saying you can’t get out of doing Maths/English and it’s not fair on those that aren’t academic… - it’s completely different and those who are claiming it’s the same are being intentionally obtuse.

Maths/English etc are mandatory subjects just like PE is.
No one is saying that any of these should not be mandatory.

But in English/Maths you are never forced to get up on stage in front of the entire school, staff and parents (and be filmed and have photos taken) and recite times tables or read a Shakespeare play - that would be cruel to those who aren’t academic.

So why is it ok to then be forced to preform activities in front of hundreds of people if you’re non-academic?

If doing sports day is compulsory, maybe we should do the same with spelling bees and reciting times tables and make them compulsory to do in front of all of the school and parents.

We don’t have spelling bees or mathletics in England though - a child will never have a compulsory requirement to stand in front of the whole school and audience of parents spelling words out loud from a none differentiated list.
But sports day suddenly all the class have to race in public.

That is so sad. At my dds school I think nearly everyone was rubbish at sports day and the kids had a great time! Some of our events were really silly and were done in groups, so it took the pressure off. It was such utter chaos with little groups moving from one activity to the next that no one observed people who were not doing particularly well. And no one was forced to race in front of the entire school - it was all just small groups rotating through activities, then “house points” added up at the end without individual contributions known.

The only proper competitive event was running races, which were just finals (heats were done in PE the week before sports day to work out who was going to be in the final) so only a few kids actually raced on the day - they all got a medal with bonus points to the overall winner. Just one race for girls and one for boys, for each year group.

I hope your school can find a way to make the event more inclusive and fun. It is supposed to be loads of fun!

I agree with this, although I do think there should be some element of competition for everyone - but with not all the competitive events conducted in front of a wall of parents and children.

I say this as the mother of a DD who generally won all her events, but had MASSIVE anxiety about competing so publicly.

Her high school insist on participation from all, but no parents and only a few of the events are held in front of an audience of peers. Most take place during lesson time or in a quiet corner at the back of the field. After years of panic attacks and anxiety, she's really looking forward to completing in the high jump and shot out next week. She also joined the school netball team.

I think for many it's the very public nature of the event more than the winning/losing

I do think that the focus should be on looking at why so many children will find be so anxious, find it so humiliating and traumatising to come last at sports day. Exercise is essential for us all and most people do not do enough. We need to instill into our children that physical activity is essential for good health and give them lots of praise for participation and for working towards their own personal goals.

PE isn't usually optional and is exercise. Not wishing to participate in one staged annual event is another matter entirely and being unwilling to participate in that doesn't necessarily mean they're unfit, unhealthy or afraid of coming last, as borne out by pps.

I do think that the focus should be on looking at why so many children will find be so anxious, find it so humiliating and traumatising to come last at sports day.
Exercise is essential for us all and most people do not do enough.

I don’t think it’s just about the exercise part though.
Many would feel the same about having to stand up in assembly and recite the times tables and the pressure and embarrassment of getting it wrong.

I am a teacher and so I am used to being in a crowd of 30+ students and it doesn’t phase me, yet I would absolutely hate to be up on stage in assembly talking to 30+ staff or parents as I’m a naturally shy person.

I have students in year 11 who’ve known their classmates for 5+ years but many are still not confident enough to put their hand up incase they get a question wrong or stand in front of the class to give a presentation.

I think it’s very easy as adults to say that children should not be embarrassed or shy preforming in front of a big crowd but I think people forget just how uncomfortable and anxious teenagers feel.

I used to just refuse sports day and PE , music and drama from year 4 onwards. This was in the 90s and I had teachers at primary try to force me to no avail. In year 7 I had the most wonderful teacher who said it was fine- I could miss it plus any other lessons I wanted so no pressure at all. It literally transformed my life.

Secondary school was bad they kept trying to make me sign ‘contracts’ that id do PE I would sign them for a quiet life that day then next lesson say I’d changed my mind .

i absolutely think things like sports day should be optional or at the very least the chance to pick to do something like help with set up or organisation rather than taking part in actual sports

I used to tell them all contracts have ‘a cooling off period’ 🤦‍♀️🤣

We need to instill into our children that physical activity is essential for good health and give them lots of praise for participation and for working towards their own personal goals.

We need to do a better job of getting kids exercising whilst at school age than we are now. The model we currently use, which includes widespread non-optional sports day participation and an adult population who mostly experienced this, has failed to prevent an obesity epidemic. Why on earth would we imagine that the solution is to mould the population to sports day rather than trying to come up with models that would work better.

Yanbu. Many posters missing the point here.

Sports day is an event all parents are invited to, and many attend.

It is humiliating for the children who are miles behind.

The equivalent is getting Johnny who is rubbish at maths up on stage in front of all the parents, watching and cheering him on whilst he fails to add 2 +2.

No other area of school life does this.

And as for the posters who have said 'but it's x child's chance to shine' - wow - so you think it's nice to use other kids to make sure x shines?!?

Yanbu whatsoever op, it should be optional.

I totally agree OP. It's a very public way to be bad at something. The kids who are poor at maths don't have to stand up in front of the school and parents and fail to get the answers right.

I'd ensure your daughter has some sort of medical appointment that afternoon. Every year. It's not worth her anxiety and unhappiness.

Agree @arethereanyleftatall