To have not found this woman hilarious?

[AllHailKingLouis]

Went to visit my mum - there were a few family members there (aunts) and a family friend who I don’t know well.

Im rather socially awkward (ASD/ADHD) so find it hard to join in conversations but I do try otherwise people say I’m being standoffish.

My mum suddenly said “KingLouis, you like horses don't you? Well Lisa (family friend) has two!”. Everyone looks at me for a response so I say “oh yes, I love horses - I am a bit nervous about them though”.

Lisa says “Nervous??? Why??”

I say “well, they’re big … and unpredictable”

Lisa “no more unpredictable than your average human love”.

everyone starts laughing. I’m feeling awkward now and just reply “yeah, that’s true I suppose”.

my mum says “you used to go horse riding didn’t you KingLouis?”

me: “I went a few times when I was younger”

Lisa: “why did you stop? Too much hard work?”

Everyone laughs.

Me: “No, I became frightened of injury if I were to fall off”

Lisa “Don’t get on the bastard then!”

everyone falls into hysterics and start saying stuff like “oh! Good old Lisa! Tells it like it is! She’s so funny!”

I made my excuses and left. Nothing hilarious about a rude obnoxious person who sets out to make someone uncomfortable.

my mum later called me asking why I’d “gone off in a mood” about Lisa “having a laugh”. I said I wasn’t in a mood, just didn’t find her attitude necessary. My mum said “oh that’s just Lisa! You’ll have to get used to her I’m afraid! She won’t mollycoddle you! Haha”

well no, I don’t need to get used to her, and I don’t want mollycoddling. I’ll just choose not to spend my time around family when she’s around! Everyone involved thinks I’m being a baby about it.

AIBU?

This thread is exasperating. “A quick shoot down can do the trick”. As I said people with ASD find it incredibly difficult to think like this on the spot, especially when you’re upset.

“I wonder if CBT might help by making you aware of the impression that people will get from you if you say certain things and maybe not taking things quite so to heart.” Counselling does not stop people being autistic! These type of incidents eat at your soul, not taking things to heart is impossible for most of us. We don’t think like neurotypical people for crying out loud.

You wouldn’t suggest to a physically disabled person that maybe a bit of physiotherapy would help them walk better.

I don't think any of you did anything wrong. Your mum and aunts obviously enjoy Lisa's company and she cheers them up. Nothing wrong with that. You don't find her funny. That's OK too. I don't think any of them were laughing at you, though, just because they were laughing along at Lisa's comments. Fortunately we don't have to be friends with our relatives' friends so I'd just forget it and be happy for my mum that she had someone who gave her a good laugh. Heaven knows, we could all use someone who makes us feel like that.

Your mum sounds the dick here. She should’ve stuck up for you and said to Lisa “well that’s exactly what King did, isn’t it, she didn’t get on the bastard, so what are you on about”.

Mind you I’m the wrong side of 45 and would happily leave if people were making me feel like an idiot. What the worst that could happen afterwards - you’re not invited again? Hardly a big loss, if these people are all as emotionally unintelligent as they sound.

And also the bit where Lisa was a loud, obnoxious twat?

"Nervous" and "frightened" are quite strong words to use when you're not in any immediate danger.

No they're not. Even if you don't have ASD. You can be scared of horses, dogs, heights, flying, spiders, mice, you don't have to be in danger to find something scary or not want to be around it. It's perfectly normal and a decent person would be sympathetic and understanding.

My DS is scared of dogs, he will actively avoid them and try to get away, despite lots of reassurance and help (My MIL's jumpy, badly trained dogs were the initial cause of this and her not controlling them and stopping them from leaping on him as a small child.) Nice, decent dog owners, which is most of them, see this and immediately call off or hold their dog. It's not hard to simply respect that someone is scared.

No, OP, you don’t.

My whole family take the piss constantly. Then say “Oh it was only a joke” etc. But it is a) hurtful and b) tedious. Just smile and say nothing. Try not to let it get to you (And let me know if you find a way to do this!!!)

Good on you OP for leaving.

I need to leave more often when people take the piss out of me.I'm not good at that.

And I agree with pretty much everyone- people who tell it like it is are usually just arseholes who want to justify themselves.

I would have felt the same as you.

Lisa sounds like a dick. She obviously knew you were uncomfortable but kept going because she's was getting a laugh out of everyone.

Odd from your Mum to keep bringing you in to the conversation when she must have sensed you were uncomfortable with Lisa's brash responses.

agree. your mum sounds mostly at fault to me.

Lisa sounds desperate for attention. Jokes are supposed to be funny, not make people feel like shit. Your Mum should have stuck up for you instead of putting her head up Lisa's obnoxious arse. Good on you for leaving gracefully though, people like her aren't worth bothering yourself over.

Good on your for leaving.

Lisa is a loud mouth twat and your mum is unkind for setting you up like that.

If there is a next time, feel free to be your full unmasked self to her telling it like it is.

Your mum knows you have ASD/ADHD?
Mine knew but she didn't believe in it.

I'm surprised they still like her. Someone like that joined our family, everyone but me loved her. She was like this though, always wanted the attention, always 'having a laugh'. They all hate her now.

As a horse rider though too, she's a fucking bell end. Horses are dangerous or can be, it's understandable to be nervous. Even some riders are nervous, but they love the sport so do it. A proper rider and a decent person would be encouraging and sympathetic. Lisa is a waste of space frankly and useless as a person and a rider. No one in my club would like her, she'd be hated.

Don't be worried about leaving, Lisa is a cow and your Mum should know better that you find this kind of "joke" uncomfortable. Is your Mum usually insensitive?

The answer to dealing with the Lisas of the world is try not to feed them anything personal (they don't deserve your honesty, keep a little back if you can)

AS also (and old with it so lots of experience of dealing with "Lisa's" and frequently getting called "too sensitive" when younger)

I’m NT and I’d have got up and left too.

I maybe would not have been polite about it either. and maybe I’d have told Lisa like it is as I left.

I'm a bit awkward myself and have every sympathy with OP walking out. It's the easiest way of taking the pressure off yourself. What a horrible person this 'funny' woman sounds.

I'm clearly missing something, because to me, she's not laughing at you, but agreeing with your decision - if you don't want to fall off, don't get on the bastard. It's not original or funny, particularly, but I wouldn't leap to rude from that.

That said, I'm well known for being oblivious to intent, tone and subtext!

Lisa is a twat and your mum was encouraging it

I'd be willing to bet very good money that Lisa's horses are headshy, skittish and possibly aggressive through being owned by someone who constantly shouts at and slaps them, under the guise of being 'firm' and 'showing them who's in charge'. I've come across literally 100's of people like this after many decades around horses.
You did nothing wrong OP. She's the sort of tedious prick who gives normal horse people a bad name, (there are a few of us out there).

Good old Lisa, salt of the earth and says what she thinks…hahaha 🙄. She sounds as much fun as a fire in a nursing home.

If you have to see Lisa again, go armed with some stock phrases to wrong foot her and your mum. “ Aaah Lisa, so lovely to hear those dulcet tones again; have you got good accident insurance, it must cost a fortune?! Have you broken your clavicle bone yet? Yawn theatrically well this is too much fun, I must be going now, I’ve got to watch some bastard paint dry….”.

Ugh. I'm with you Op. Why would you want to stay somewhere where you were being insulted and laughed at? It isn't that you don't have a sense of humour, she was just crass and rude.

I think it really is as simple as just Lisa is an unpleasant person who doesn’t know how to raise laughs without picking on someone milder-mannered than herself. We have OP minding her own business. OP’s mum makes an ice-breaking comment to try and facilitate a conversation between Lisa and OP, by bringing up something they have in common. OP makes an honest and reasonable comment that exposes some vulnerability (being nervous around horses). Now, most people would respond to that with some sort of friendly, polite comment, but no, Lisa goes straight for patronising and combative (“no more unpredictable than your average human love”.)

But what really does it for me is the comment: “why did you stop? Too much hard work?” – what possible reason is there for making a comment like that apart from to belittle and embarrass someone? Someone who so far has been minding their own business and been nothing but mild mannered, innocuous and honest?
The fact that the “don’t get on the bastard” comment doesn’t even make sense just proves to me that Lisa’s primary conversational modus operandi is to try and win some sort of banter battle that the other person didn’t even realise they were entering, by any means necessary. Just unpleasant.

Lisa's behavior is aggressive. I have the same tendencies, so I've learned to recognize it. It may be the way she was brought up or a personality defect. You are not wrong to be offended by her.
I'm sorry your mother supported her over you.

Don’t get on the bastard then.

”I don’t go round riding bastards Lisa, what are your tips?”

You did well to remove yourself OP.

I’m not sure why your family encouraged that. It seemed as though Lisa was poking at you for a reaction and putting you down.

Gobshites like that, who ‘tell it like it is’, are not worth your time.

Sorry to say, your mum has behaved appallingly here too.