To have not found this woman hilarious?

[AllHailKingLouis]

Went to visit my mum - there were a few family members there (aunts) and a family friend who I don’t know well.

Im rather socially awkward (ASD/ADHD) so find it hard to join in conversations but I do try otherwise people say I’m being standoffish.

My mum suddenly said “KingLouis, you like horses don't you? Well Lisa (family friend) has two!”. Everyone looks at me for a response so I say “oh yes, I love horses - I am a bit nervous about them though”.

Lisa says “Nervous??? Why??”

I say “well, they’re big … and unpredictable”

Lisa “no more unpredictable than your average human love”.

everyone starts laughing. I’m feeling awkward now and just reply “yeah, that’s true I suppose”.

my mum says “you used to go horse riding didn’t you KingLouis?”

me: “I went a few times when I was younger”

Lisa: “why did you stop? Too much hard work?”

Everyone laughs.

Me: “No, I became frightened of injury if I were to fall off”

Lisa “Don’t get on the bastard then!”

everyone falls into hysterics and start saying stuff like “oh! Good old Lisa! Tells it like it is! She’s so funny!”

I made my excuses and left. Nothing hilarious about a rude obnoxious person who sets out to make someone uncomfortable.

my mum later called me asking why I’d “gone off in a mood” about Lisa “having a laugh”. I said I wasn’t in a mood, just didn’t find her attitude necessary. My mum said “oh that’s just Lisa! You’ll have to get used to her I’m afraid! She won’t mollycoddle you! Haha”

well no, I don’t need to get used to her, and I don’t want mollycoddling. I’ll just choose not to spend my time around family when she’s around! Everyone involved thinks I’m being a baby about it.

AIBU?

I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that your MIL owns a gilet.

Loads.

Lisa is a person who wants everyone to like her so she does that by humour but because she's not naturally witty she will make a 'funny' at somebody else's expense. The Lisas of this world will quickly identify the most vulnerable or least likely to cause a fuss in a group and make 'jokes' about them.
The reason people faun over Lisa is because they don't want to be the one Lisa makes 'jokes' about.

Lisa is a bully who doesn't like being picked up on her behaviour. Your family laugh at her because she intimidates them and they don't want to call her out on being rude or obnoxious. They have got used to feeding her behaviour which is why you mum asked you why you left.

You did nothing wrong and Lisa is a prick. My son has ASD and would have also been uncomfortable in that situation. You don't have to tolerate anyone who makes you feel like that.

Your mum sounds like she either doesn't know you well or doesn't care. (At least, as much as she cares about Lisa.)
A shame you didn't say 'I'll leave you old nags to it, then' as you left.

'Dramatic?' No. And how typical is this attitude toward women in particular: that we should simply roll our eyes and silently put up with this kind of behaviour. Bollocks to that.

I have no compunction about being openly rude to people who behave like this. And no, the words 'did you mean to be so rude?' don't appear in my lexicon. I'd frame that one as a statement, not a question.

OP: 'Lisa' is a weapons-grade twat. YANBU.

Lisa sounds like someone who I'd roll my eyes at so much they'd fall out of my head 🙄

You do come across as quite timid/very negative in the language you use. I mean, it was just a normal conversation about a shared interest until you said

oh yes, I love horses - I am a bit nervous about them though”.

“well, they’re big … and unpredictable”

“No, I became frightened of injury if I were to fall off”

Now, obviously this is mumsnet and everyone has very pc conversations where never a word is spoken without being first carefully assessed not to offend, accidentally offend or accidentally or intentionally by implication or otherwise exclude. But in the real world, if someone introduces one person to another on the basis of shared interests, if one of those people automatically launches into a bit of spate of negativity, many will try to joke them out of it. It was just a way to introduce you to each other and spark up a conversation based on a common interest between the two of you, not an attempt to attack you or scare you. You could have asked Lisa about her horses instead of describing your own fears, or have responded with something neutral and moved the conversation along instead of saying you were scared.

It might have been a reaction to your negative language. "Nervous" and "frightened" are quite strong words to use when you're not in any immediate danger. I wonder if CBT might help by making you aware of the impression that people will get from you if you say certain things and maybe not taking things quite so to heart.

I can’t stand people like that. Very outspoken with no filter. Think they’re hilarious at other people’s expense. Very tedious and unlikeable even though everyone seems to think she’s the bees knees. Other people (like your mum) minimise it “Oh it’s who she is. You’ll have to get used to her.”.
Probably the first to royally kick off if someone says anything remotely rude to her.

Ugh what is it women of my mother's (and I'm assuming your mother's) generation who find 'blunt' 'tells it like it is' people funny? I have an annoying family member who sounds like Lisa and my mother is always like ohh 'A calls a spade a spade haha' No she is just annoying and rude! its only the older family members that think she's hilarious, everyone my generation just gets annoyed by her, and we get told by the oldies we're 'too PC' if we try to call her out. Arrgghh!!!

'Don't get on the bastard then'
'I didn't' with an obvious eye roll or stare down.

I find anyone like this, the 'tell it like it is' 'eee I'm mad me' types tedious and have no time for them. A quick shoot down can do the trick, best outcome is they avoid you 😁

Tbf id have left too, and told dm her 'friend' is a try hard knob.

Lisa found the thread by the looks of it.

Lisa sounds exhausting. I actively avoid people like that OP YANBU.

I don't understand your Mum. My dd is autistic and I'd really bristle up at someone speaking to her like this.

Lisa sounds like she has something like autism/some sort of communication disorder going on. Maybe your mum does too.

I don’t think you did anything “wrong” and no one will worry about this by next weekend.

"I promise you I'm not "too PC". I think everyone of your generation comes across a fucking stupid and rude given the things you say and find funny, and writing off a whole generation as a bunch of miserable rude morons really isn't politically correct!"

The “why did you stop? Too much work?” Would have pissed me right off there and then! Wtaf?!

she sounds sneery and a total wanker tbh. Don’t let someone that tedious get to you.

Lisa sounds a bit gobby but your mum also contributed by drawing you in. I think leaving was fine.

It might have been a reaction to your negative language. "Nervous" and "frightened" are quite strong words to use when you're not in any immediate danger. I wonder if CBT might help by making you aware of the impression that people will get from you if you say certain things and maybe not taking things quite so to heart.

So again we are telling people who have clearly stated they are autistic and thus suffer dealing with social situations, that it's on them to get help/find coping strategies and FFS get therapy to help them understand how they come across?

I should imagine the OP's life is one big therapy session, having to constantly navigate in a world full of NT people with zero understanding of those who don't confirm to those NT standards.

I'm entirely NT but even I can see that the likes of Lisa, OPs mother and many PPS on this thread are utterly devoid of sympathy, or any form of understanding of anything outside of their own personal bubble of experience.

And even if OP was NT, that doesn't excuse Lisa for going on and on about a subject at the expense of the OP.

Infuriating.

Ah, I'm sorry. I ride and you are right to be wary - horses can be unpredictable and anyone who dismisses your fears is an idiot basically. But your mum could have been kinder to you. Does she often leave you floundering?

As an ex owner of horses, it’s actually WISE to be wary of horses, as you say, they ARE unpredictable

my dad used to say, they’re big, got a mind of their own and are dangerous at both ends.

'Lisa' sounds way more hard work that the Op

I met lots of Lisa’s in Yorkshire when I lived there.
I used to answer
I tell it like it is
With
No, you’re just bloody rude.

Lisas

Yes - "It's just my way". That's all you ever get.

Except that they are the only people to be allowed to have |a way", and if anyone responds in kind they get very upset and "I don't mean anything - it's just my way", and everybody rushes to protect them.

It's tedious and nasty.

I think when she said “Don’t get on the bastard then!”, I would have replied - "I don't - as I already said, that's why I stopped riding"

Of course she would then have gone "Oooh! Touchy!" or similar and everyone would take her side, but they all do anyway.

Lisa'a a twonk.

However, not everyone is as well educated and sympathetic as you. The world is composed of many different people. Not everyone behaves exactly perfectly at all times. It can be very frustrating for other people, other than you and the OP, to have such a negative conversation. I'm sure you are aware of this?

What would you advise that Lisa and the other people in this situation say and how do you propose they be re-educated? I'm just trying to help, perhaps I need re-educated too. Its not a brownie points scoring system on how to be the most empathetic, its just a day to day conversation.

I will admit that the others described do seem to have a very robust sense of humour, but people are just...different. That doesn't mean they have to be sent to the re-education centre to modify their conversation every time they speak to someone that doesn't get on with them.