To wonder why people that aren't religious have their children christened

[leavethewallalone]

I've been to a lot of christenings lately. None of the families are in any way religious. The other children in the family were also christened, and outside of their christening, do not practice religion, attend church, etc. I have lost track on how much we must have spent on christening gifts which I can't really afford right now, but also don't like turning up without anything.

One family didn't want a christening but instead had a naming ceremony (for a 9 month old...who had been named 9 months ago). They received piles of gifts and in truth I did wonder if the whole thing was just for that.

The only reason I can think of is tradition within the family, but none of the family members are religious either and parents aren't christened

I dunno, but the we’re the opposite in that DH and I are church-going Christians who haven’t had our children baptised, because we want them to choose for themselves if and when they’re old enough to understand what the sacrament actually means.

I do like @Mumoftwoinprimary’s post though. It is always fun to have some new faces in Sunday school whenever there’s an infant baptism.

You don’t have to appear to be religious or strictly live by the rules to still be Catholic.

I'm not overly religious but still have a little chat in my head with god occasionally.

It's a comfort thing I learned from childhood doesn't necessarily do anything.

I don’t appear religious but I believe in God and heaven and like the sense of community you get at mass.

My kids are because my Mum is religious and especially because my grandma thought it important. So was Important to me because of them.
But agree most are for the party rather than any importance on the religious side so seems weird to bother

Why go then? Why spend the money on gifts. You know they aren’t religious- you know they are there for the fuss and party, yet you feed into it.

I’ve been to one christening and it was a fab experience, yet neither parents are believers, never again though.

Don't get baby showers at all. Surely you wait until the baby is born and is ok before you celebrate.

Same here. We're Christian but had thanksgiving services for our DC as we wanted them to be able to choose whether to be baptised themselves.

I'm always happy for people to come into church even if they never come again, so I don't feel any ill will towards the families who only ever come once for a Christening. I do sometimes wonder how they feel when they promise to accept Jesus as their Lord and Saviour and to bring their DC up as Christians, and what they are thinking when they say those words. But from my point of view it's good for people who don't come to church to come in and see that we don't all have two heads or leave our intelligence at the door. Actually quite a few members of our church became Christians only after having had their DC baptised and experiencing the church for themselves.

Luckily my Dc had other options, but if the schools in my area were all massively crap with the exception of the religious school I would have had my Dc christened, through gritted teeth. And then I would have explained to them why it's all a farce. Just so they would know this whilst being made to sing hymns and praising the lord in assembly. Actually, they've been made to do this in their non-religious school anyway.

Crazy how churches take contactless donations now, which was reiterated to me 5 times last time I went (to support a friend). What do the donations pay towards?

Similar to @Mumoftwoinprimary I'm a regular churchgoer and it's great to see baptisms whether or not the families continue to attend. Some come for the ceremony, some come for the community, some come for religious beliefs (their own or their parents/ grandparents), some come because they're uncertain, and they're all welcome.

We've got quite an active Sunday school and when there's a baptism there's often a number of children who turn up wearing stiff suits or fancy dresses and looking awkward (next to our regular children in jeans and t-shirts or Superman dressing up outfits) and by the end of the service they've made a paper-plate dove and are kicking a football around outside with the others. I really hope that for them, even if they never set foot in a church again, they at least leave with a good memory of the church being welcoming and friendly, and of Christians being ordinary people. I know too many atheists who haven't stepped foot in a church and who genuinely seem to believe the C of E is basically the Westboro Baptist Church with custard creams.

For those that don’t approve - have you asked anyone involved in the church what they think?

Yes and telling blatant lies in church in the name of tradition doesn't seem to go down well. Or at least not in my dad's church.

In our church the donations usually go to the upkeep of the (very old) church building, putting on various community events (we have afternoon teas for OAPs, toddler groups, baby groups, debt management advice, groups for people with learning disabilities, community cafe, putting on services in care homes, providing meals for new mums amd people who are ill, food bank, crafting group, mental health group, providing a venue for local school events etc), and donations to various other causes like Red Cross, Ukraine, a Romanian orphanage that we support, a church in Uganda that we raised money to build (plus clean water/medical care etc) etc.

Where I live the christening was more of a social event than a religious sacrament - it was just another reason for a get-together and a drink!

How do you know they're "telling blatant lies"?

Are the children who turn up "telling blatant lies" because they're sent into the Sunday school?

Are the adults, if they're agnostic but not atheist? or if they're quietly Christian but not churchgoers? or follow the teachings of Christ without attendance at any church? or are drawn to Christianity but aren't yet sure? or who feel (but would not articulate it as such) God's grace pulling them towards baptising a child, but would not call themselves religious?

Does your father really think those people should be excluded and labelled as liars? Or that there should be some sort of faith based litmus test prior to baptism? I thought we got past that crap with Elizabeth I and "not making windows into men's hearts." I hope that anyone who is frozen out of your dad's church for perceived impurity of thought comes over to mine or one like it, where they will be welcomed in.

Because it brings family and friends together for a day or so, especially if the family is widespread!
I was christened but didn't bother with my own children. One of my children has had all theirs christened, but the other didn't bother.
Personal choice!

I wouldn't say it was a celebration of the baby, but I agree with what you say. It's rather a gift giving time, more than anything!
Very American!!

I was raised in a religious family but haven't really kept to it. It was important to my mum that my children were Christened and she wanted to take them to church as they got older so I was happy to go along with it. The children are old enough to make their own decisions on religion and I think they are atheist but they still attend every now and then with granny of their own free will and love all the traditional Christmas services.
We didn't expect gifts and stipulated this on invites. Had a small gathering and sandwich buffet afterwards and it was a really special day.
It wasnt for attention/getting presents or a piss up. Just a celebration I guess.

Mumoftwoinprimary · Yesterday 23:16
I had both my children baptised when they were weeks old and I wasn’t particularly a church goer at the time. There were many reasons - tradition (they both wore the gown that I was baptised in as was my mother and my grandfather), celebration of their arrival, an excuse for a nice get together.

But the real reason was fear. What if something terrible happened to them and I hadn’t baptised them? Would they go to hell? Or purgatory? I don’t know - I’m not convinced I believe in hell. But I wasn’t willing to risk it.

(Note - I was raised in the church - grandfather a vicar - and do now attend regularly.)

What @Mumoftwoinprimary wrote. That is exactly what I came on to post.

Years of the church teaching that if you are not baptised you end up in hell tortured for all eternity. I remember at RE in primary school where us kids were asked to put up our hand if we were baptised. Us kids who didn’t raise our hands were instructed by the vicar or priest to ask our parents to have us baptised otherwise we would end up in hell.

My parents wouldn’t baptise me so I used a prayer book down at a nearby river and performed my own baptism.

The threat of hell and torture is a horrible, horrible thing to teach children and a horrible way to motivate people to attend church and follow a religion.

I’ve resisted the urge to baptise my dc. But, I can honestly say that I sometimes experience some irrational fear that I’ve taken a risk and my child could end up in hell because of it. And that comes down to the persistence of many christians who wish to convert people and enter into schools, knock on doors, preach in the street etc.

So, some people who don’t regularly attend church or from the outside appear to have no faith or belief in Christianity actually might just believe enough to want to baptise their babies/children and not risk their children’s eternal salvation.

But go ahead and continue to judge these non practicing christians as gluttonous sinners motivated by greed for gifts. Just remember what Jesus and the bible says about passing judgment on others! Think about what you could be throwing away just for the pleasure of looking down on people and being self righteous. That’s if you believe it is the word of God.

@Mumoftwoinprimary you're answer is just lovely 😍

"We are atheists"

"We have a lot of respect for religion"

"We're not anti-religion"

Erm......🤨 Which is it?

Sorry but that's massively, massively hypocritical. Christians get their children christened. You don't sound like Christians to me.

WHAT does a Christian sound like?

I'm in Ireland, most people here still have their children christened. I don't know anyone of my generation who even goes to church but all of our children are christened. I think it's just ingrained on society. It's definitely not about gifts here, maybe a party and a piss up for some (not for me, I had a private ceremony for my child so only family and I rarely ever drink).
I can't even properly articulate why I had my child christened except it's a societal thing and probably partly somewhere deep down it's the god thing though I'm not religious in the traditional sense.

Same as why so many marry in a church or have a church funeral. Tradition.

I think for me it's the promises made by the parents and godparents (that they believe and will help to bring the children up in the faith) which makes a mockery of the whole thing.

You make promises when you get married in church, but hopefully you do actually mean them!

You don't bring gifts to a gender reveal though so how is it grabby? I find baby showers grabby and I'd die if someone had thrown me one, they knew not to! Wouldn't have a gender reveal either but I can understand why someone might have one, it can be nice for family to find out together but I think people go OTT and do the whole insta thing!