Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why people that aren't religious have their children christened

200 replies

leavethewallalone · 25/06/2022 22:48

I've been to a lot of christenings lately. None of the families are in any way religious. The other children in the family were also christened, and outside of their christening, do not practice religion, attend church, etc. I have lost track on how much we must have spent on christening gifts which I can't really afford right now, but also don't like turning up without anything.

One family didn't want a christening but instead had a naming ceremony (for a 9 month old...who had been named 9 months ago). They received piles of gifts and in truth I did wonder if the whole thing was just for that.

The only reason I can think of is tradition within the family, but none of the family members are religious either and parents aren't christened

OP posts:
RaininSummer · 25/06/2022 23:20

I find it both peculiar and pretty insulting to those who do believe in it all. Surely it's not tradition if your are not religious. Churches should refuse to do it if there's no beliefs behind it and just a desire to have a party , gifts, and show off a bit.

Lou98 · 25/06/2022 23:20

Personally I'm not religious so my Son isn't christened and neither will my Daughter be when she's born in a few weeks.

I think honestly a lot of people don't quite fully understand what a christening is and the point of it - if they did I don't understand why you would do it if not religious.

Having said that, some people may not appear to be "practicing" religion but still have beliefs that they want to bring their kids up in.
My friend's Daughter was baptised last year as she was raised a catholic and still believes in the faith but she doesn't regularly go to chapel/church or necessarily show she's a catholic if you didn't know.
I'm assuming that's not the case with the people you know but it is also another side to it

Notimeforaname · 25/06/2022 23:21

My sister christened her first baby in order to get the child into an Irish speaking school later on.

It's not a requirement anymore but she christened her next two children anyway as she felt she had to do the same for all of them.

They are not religious at all. Her husband never wanted any of them to be christened in the first place.

Original poster
leavethewallalone · 25/06/2022 23:22

An acquaintance of mine's daughter had a baby shower, a gender reveal party, a christening and a first birthday party for her baby.

I'm fine with baby showers as I think it's nice for pregnant mum to spend some time with friends etc before baby arrives. I can't stand gender reveal parties. I've never been invited to one but if I was, I wo

OP posts:
worraliberty · 25/06/2022 23:22

RenegadeMatron · 25/06/2022 23:19

Cultural tradition is pretty much the beginning and end of it.

The same reason Christmas is celebrated every year by a vast array of non-religious, non-Christian people and no-one questions that.

Yes but don't you stand and make promises in a church?

Bit different to buying gifts and tucking into turkey.

Original poster
leavethewallalone · 25/06/2022 23:23

What is my phone doing!! Meant to say I wouldn't go to a gender reveal party if invited. Nobody cares except the parents. Grabby McGrab Grab.

OP posts:
Essexgirlupnorth · 25/06/2022 23:24

Catholic primaries expect a child to be baptised before 6 months old plus regular church attendance. C of E schools are less fussy though due to covid church closures have started including points for having been christened at least for the CofE secondary near us

PurpleButterflyWings · 25/06/2022 23:28

Totally with you @leavethewallalone Boils my piss it does. Using the Church for their convenience and then never going again. Same with people getting married in Church when they never go. WHY? To get a pretty background for their wedding pics? Just hire a fancy hotel! Hmm Sooooo many couples rock up at the local Church for 5-6 weeks in a row bored out of their skull, because they're only there coz they HAVE to be coz they're using the Church for a wedding. After the CHURCH wedding, they never go again. These same fuckers will often massively berate Religion, but happily use the Church for their RELIGIOUS wedding. Massive hypocrites!

elenacampana · 25/06/2022 23:29

I’m not regularly practising but I do have quite strong beliefs and have found comfort in the church in the past during hard times. When my baby was born, it was crazy with suspected meningitis and an emergency section, what really iced the cake was the terrorist turning up outside on Remembrance Sunday. I felt like I was going out of my mind during that time and it was feeling connected to my RC faith, that I’d been introduced to at school that gave me some element of hope and that my baby and I would be okay. We left hospital and I booked her christening the same week, I wanted her to have access to the same comfort my parents gave me.

We had the christening with plenty of guests in May and kept it no gifts. If I have a second, I’ll do another christening but it will be much, much smaller. It’s just about the christening itself for me.

FlatWhiteLover · 25/06/2022 23:30

Our two daughters were christened, we are athiests but DH was brought up in christanity and I attended a CoE school so we have a lot of respect for religion and it was a big part of our lives growing up, neither of us are anti religion. Look, we probably would not have bothered but it meant a lot to PIL who are still practicing christians and go to church regulary.

However we only had a small service, close family and a couple of close friends, and we specified no gifts.

Cas112 · 25/06/2022 23:31

Tradition

rea2022x · 25/06/2022 23:38

Our daughter is actually getting christened tomorrow. For me it was mostly to do with schooling and the fact DD Gran on partners side takes her to church regularly ... she also happens to be an ex nun😆 my side of the family Is quite religious also. It's not a massive affair, just very close family and friends. Someone we know has invited close to 200 guests to their child's christening .... 😬🤑 wonder why!!!

TheOGCCL · 25/06/2022 23:43

To hedge your bets.

I always find it very odd when atheists are asked to be godparents, and accept. Or when the godparents are already related to the child.

ChagSameachDoreen · 25/06/2022 23:45

Because it's "what you do". It's deeply entrenched. I converted to Judaism, but my mother still asked if we were having DD christened 😆

MoltenLasagne · 25/06/2022 23:49

I was brought up Christian but no longer practise and didn't get married in a church because it would have felt like hypocrisy.

However I still look at 1 yr old DS and worry whether I should get him christened in case the worse was to happen. Logically I know it won't make a difference but that doesn't stop the fear.

Mumoftwoinprimary · 25/06/2022 23:55

For those that don’t approve - have you asked anyone involved in the church what they think?

Personally (as someone who leads at Sunday school) I love it when we have a baptism - and I don’t care at all if we have never seen them before. Usually I have about 3 for Sunday school (and at least one of those is mine!) and the average age of the congregation is about 67. And we are very Covid friendly with lots of gaps between people because the church is 3/4 empty.

And then we get a baptism. And families turn up. And Sunday school is packed out and the church comes alive. And - yes - we probably won’t see them again. But we might. Maybe they will enjoy it and come back. Church is for everyone - not just for those that are labelled as suitable. Come because you have questions. Or come because you are lonely. Or come because you like singing. Or come because you have nothing else to do on a Sunday. Or come because we do nice biscuits. Just come.

StinkerTroll · 25/06/2022 23:55

We aren't religious at all, for us getting our dd christened would have felt hypocritical (we didn't get married in a church for exactly the same reason) but we did want to celebrate their arrival, we like the concept of a christening without the religious element, celebrating the birth, promises made, name day guardians etc so we had a naming ceremony, it was lovely, worked brilliantly for us, it certainly wasn't for the presents, it was a lovely afternoon with family and friends to celebrate our daughters

Rainydaycoat · 25/06/2022 23:56

I couldn’t be bothered with the drama from MIL if we didn’t get them christened. I pick my battles.

bloodyplanes · 25/06/2022 23:58

I was raised Roman Catholic, christening, communion, confirmation etc. As I got older I realised it was a load of old bollocks ( as is all religion) and didn't even get married in church. However i had my kids christened because the best school in the area was a church school and I wanted them to get in there.

Unavailable101 · 26/06/2022 00:02

I'm not christened (due to issues going on when I was meant to be. Siblings are). I'm not remotely religious and happy with the fact I'm not christened. I had multiple opportunities growing up to be christened and turned them all down. My Dp is christened but not remotely religious. Our DC are not christened, it would be totally hypocritical and they can choose to get christened at any point in their lives.

Abouttimemum · 26/06/2022 00:02

I agree,
I’d rather DS made his own decision to have nothing to do with any religion hopefully when he’s older.

Abouttimemum · 26/06/2022 00:03

Mumoftwoinprimary · 25/06/2022 23:55

For those that don’t approve - have you asked anyone involved in the church what they think?

Personally (as someone who leads at Sunday school) I love it when we have a baptism - and I don’t care at all if we have never seen them before. Usually I have about 3 for Sunday school (and at least one of those is mine!) and the average age of the congregation is about 67. And we are very Covid friendly with lots of gaps between people because the church is 3/4 empty.

And then we get a baptism. And families turn up. And Sunday school is packed out and the church comes alive. And - yes - we probably won’t see them again. But we might. Maybe they will enjoy it and come back. Church is for everyone - not just for those that are labelled as suitable. Come because you have questions. Or come because you are lonely. Or come because you like singing. Or come because you have nothing else to do on a Sunday. Or come because we do nice biscuits. Just come.

I love this post!

Dolares · 26/06/2022 00:04

Tradition.
Or my Mother's take on it: "children who are christened are better behaved". 😂

1stWorldProblems · 26/06/2022 00:05

Becomes whilst I don't believe in God, I do believe in the Church of England - its rituals, the words of Thomas Cramner (I'm a big fan of the King James Bible and the Book of Common Prayer) & its place (until recently) in our society & lives. We go up church at Christmas, Easter & Remembrance Sunday for the same reasons.
Because I want our children to have the relationship I had with my godparents - non-related friends of my parents that were outside of family politics but valued by my parents & who gave me & (will hopefully) give them a trustworthy adult friend & sounding board away from family.
Because I like the idea of repeating the words & phrases used by my ancestors back to 16th century (not all of whom necessarily had deeply held religious beliefs).
We didn't have a gender reveal party (as we didn't know the sex of our children before they were born) or a baby shower - both of which I feel are 20th/21st century replacements for a christening - attempts to celebrate a new addition.
Yes we got gifts but we fed & watered our guests and welcomed a new life into our family in a way that has been traditional for centuries.

USaYwHatNow · 26/06/2022 00:07

I don't go to Church, but I believe in God, and felt very strongly that when I got married it was to be in the Church where all my family have been married, and where I myself was christened. I felt that getting married anywhere else e.g. Hotel/venue wouldn't feel 'real' to me, and I wanted the spiritual connection as we got married.

My husband is atheist, but appreciated how strongly I felt about being married in a church.

I feel quite strongly about having our baby christened, he does not. Who knows what we'll end up doing-probably having a small, private, family only christening with a little tea party after.

Just because people don't go to church does that mean they shouldn't have their children christened?