To expect the hospital to be more considerate of pregnant mums?

[buttercuplizzy]

My 3 year old son broke his leg 2 weeks ago and has been in hospital since. He is expected to be in hospital another week.

I cannot fault the care my Son has received, it has been exceptional. But I am 30 weeks pregnant and I'm at breaking point. I suffered badly from Hypermesis, which has been under control for several months now. But the lack of sleep, proper food, stress etc is having such a toll on my body. My nausea and sickness has come back and I just feel broken and at the point I am worrying about the health of myself and baby....

Am I sounding melodramatic? We have a daughter at home to care for and not a massive amount of family support. I am struggling with the lack of sleep, caused by being on a busy ward with lots of middle of the night admittance. Im struggling with the physical care my son needs. Im struggling with the poor diet.

I understand my son, and not me, is the patient. But surely they have a duty of care towards pregnant women? Im exhausted, how can I respectfully raise this with staff? I just feel like I need more help and a quieter environment- not sure if either are possible. Or any other solutions- me and my husband are currently doing alternating 24 hour shifts.

What happened to Mumsnet? It used to be a site where mum's supported other mums. This thread is horrendous.

It's not entitled, it's just lots of people here are content to accept low standards- both in terms of healthcare and their partners. Of course someone who is pregnant and struggling with HG along with having a child in hospital for a few weeks wants a night's sleep, what's outrageous about that? Parents don't get meals so what,we should be happy that they get some scraps if lucky?

Im exhausted, how can I respectfully raise this with staff? I just feel like I need more help and a quieter environment- not sure if either are possible.

Entitled as fuck. It's not up to the poor overworked staff to pamper her.

I didn't know it was a given that a parent always had to be there. In some cases it would be totally impossible. It was only a few years ago when parents hanging round were frowned upon. Its better all round if a parent IS there but it's not always possible.

Did we ever work out why the child is in hospital for 3 weeks with a broken leg? That could help to explain why a parent has to be there all the time. My experience was that a children's ward had several children and no parents there all the time, but maybe this is more serious than a broken leg.

Fucking hell some people are so unbelievably lacking in empathy.

Armwrestlingwithchasanddave the op is not being entitled. She's taking care of her son so nurses don't have to do it and she's heavily pregnant with a difficult pregnancy.

Looking after a three year when they are well and having the odd bad dream at home can be hard. At home in spotless surroundings, decent bathrooms, soft towels, a stocked fridge and a comfortable bed. Looking after a three year old in traction who is probably fractious, with an uncomfortable chair to sleep in, extraneous noise, grubby utilitarian facilities, no privacy, snappy nurses and crap food is the equivalent of 7 circles of hell.

Agree, even though I think ultimately OP is being unreasonable. The basic need for sleep and food seems to be swept aside in NHS hospitals for both patients and their carers/partners. It is tough going being in hospital for prolonged periods of time. I remember spending days on a boiling hot antenatal ward, and absolutely losing it because the 30 minutes sleep I managed to grab meant I missed the food. I’m not at all an entitled or precious person but I cried! It was awful. I remember feeling desperate.

What got me when I spent a week in hospital with my toddler who has a respiratory infection, was how ill prepared the ward was for children - it was a children’s ward! No high chairs, no cots, no small play area. My DC had to eat from a China plate balanced on my lap sat up on her adult sized bed, mess everywhere. I had to lie on the bed with her to stop her rolling out as she was used to a cot. They seemed to think she should be happy to lie motionless 24 hours a day watching (expensive, you had to pay) cartoons.

@Wouldloveanother all the ward I've worked on had high chairs, puréed food to order, toys, play room, iPads with kid friendly covers. That doesn't sound normal to me tbh

Wow! Definitely not the case where I went. It was a nightmare.

We ended up bringing in our own bowls and cutlery as they only had china plates and adult size metal forks. No play area whatsoever, beds crammed together with a curtain in between. That was all.

The ward I was on ( in a childrens hospital ) had no play area, although play leaders came to the ward every few days and left some toys for the children to use.

There was also one TV in the main ward area but that was turned off in the mornings because of wards rounds . In the afternoon it was turned on by the male adult visitors who sat around it watch football at full volume . The nurses would come and complain but the men just ignored them.

Sometimes the children got to watch cartoons around tea time after the visitors had left.

That hospital has now been modernised, it’s supposedly a state of the art facility. It has lots of play areas for the children ( funded by charity ) but they are either locked or don’t work or have been taken over by the staff for clinics, offices or storage.

NICU were absolutely fantastic in terms of support for me postnatally (it was a straightforward birth and I walked baby round in her little cot when it became apparent she wasnt able to feed).

Like PP said you are actively encouraged to go home. I am sure there are provisions for the most poorly of babies but in all the several nurseries IE wards my DD was on, parents didn't sleep over. They were alllowd 24h access but there was nowhere to sleep.

Anyway I digress.

@buttercuplizzy that seems like a very long stay for a broken leg?
Where is DH in all if this? Can't you tag team the night shift? Do a few nights each?

I posted this at breaking point, after a long and stressful two weeks in hospital. I did not criticise the care he has received, which has been faultless and I am thankful he is being looked after so well. I have endless thanks for all the doctors, nurses, HCAs, Radiologists, play leads, domestic staff, porters- I can't say a bad word about any of those who have helped our son. I posted out of desperation and concern for mine and babies health. I do not feel well at all and genuinely have concerns about the toll this is putting on my body. I haven't felt baby all day, so also have that to stress about. I am a patient at the hospital also, so I didn't think it was unreasonable of me to use the phrase 'duty of care'.

In hindsight, I shouldn't have posted on AIBU as I'm looking for more insight into long term stays on children's ward. I do not expect to be fed, but I was seeking genuine experience of how you eat properly when there is no canteen, no meals, no cooking space, no storage space and you are not allowed to leave the ward. I genuinely wanted to understand how people handle this long term (especially those with health conditions) I wanted geniune advice on whether I could ask a student nurse/play lead etc to stay with my son whilst I was able to leave the ward for fresh air/food etc. Not so I could abandon him.

I do not expect a private room, but I wanted to know is it normal for longer term patients to be placed with short term patients coming in from A&E in the early hours of the morning. Is this standard practice? The children's ward as a whole is not full and overrun, but then again I'm not a nurse and do not understand how they are managed. I didn't not want to kick up a stink with nurses (which is why I haven't asked) but I did want to understand more the thought process behind this set up.

I also am struggling physically with moving around the furniture and collapsing and reputting up a camp bed- I wanted to know whether it is unreasonable to ask for help with this.

I wanted geniune advice on whether I could ask a student nurse/play lead etc to stay with my son whilst I was able to leave the ward for fresh air/food etc.

He is bed bound and requires lots of hands on care. I wanted to know whether I was being unreasonable to ask for more help with this.

I am just exhausted and unwell and just want my Son home and for all this to be over. I cannot comprehend how parents do this long term, and I am slightly shocked by the lack of empathy for parents in this position.

@buttercuplizzy you can ask for help with the bed and for rest bite and you might be a patient at the same hospital but you're not their patient so duty of care doesn't really count here.

Can you ask your other half to take over? Sorry you're having a shitty time

Sorry your having a hard time . Yes you could ask for extra help.
But the most sensible choice would be let DH take over at the hospital.

My husband is at the hospital now for the night and my daughter is at a school friends house for a few hours so I can rest. Hopefully I'll have a bit more of a clearer head in the morning.

Where is your dh in this op he's the one responsible here and needs to step up and support you not overworked NHS staff.

It sounds like it wokld be best all around if your husband taking over 90% for now so you can get some rest.

in my experience staff will help whenever they can with such things but obviously it depends on availability of staff at the time

You have a dh problem who should have been sharing the workload. It's pretty appalling he's only doing it now.

I'm not entirely sure what you're expecting of the hospital staff and I think the main problem here is your DH. He should be doing the night shifts. It's massively unreasonable to expect you to sleep on a hospital camp bed at 30 weeks pregnant. Are you perhaps unwilling to admit he should be doing more?

I don't think it's unreasonable for patients to be brought into a childrens ward at all hours of the night no. They go where there is space. My son had an operation as a baby and we were admitted to the ward late at night unexpectedly

When I was 10 (early 80s) , I was in hospital for a week (suspected appendicitis, turned out to be a UTI). I was on a ward with children of various ages. No parents stopped over .. they were a Matron, who ran the ward with a rod of iron. My parents were only allowed in at visiting hours. There was a teacher who came in the day (more crafting than anything)
I loved it … his times change !