To expect the hospital to be more considerate of pregnant mums?

[buttercuplizzy]

My 3 year old son broke his leg 2 weeks ago and has been in hospital since. He is expected to be in hospital another week.

I cannot fault the care my Son has received, it has been exceptional. But I am 30 weeks pregnant and I'm at breaking point. I suffered badly from Hypermesis, which has been under control for several months now. But the lack of sleep, proper food, stress etc is having such a toll on my body. My nausea and sickness has come back and I just feel broken and at the point I am worrying about the health of myself and baby....

Am I sounding melodramatic? We have a daughter at home to care for and not a massive amount of family support. I am struggling with the lack of sleep, caused by being on a busy ward with lots of middle of the night admittance. Im struggling with the physical care my son needs. Im struggling with the poor diet.

I understand my son, and not me, is the patient. But surely they have a duty of care towards pregnant women? Im exhausted, how can I respectfully raise this with staff? I just feel like I need more help and a quieter environment- not sure if either are possible. Or any other solutions- me and my husband are currently doing alternating 24 hour shifts.

The comments on this thread are disgusting and inhumane. When my 5 yesr old spent a week in hospital seriously ill I barely slept..after a week I was absolutely shattered and on the ends of my nerves. And I wasn't pregnant!

The food in hospital is dire and parents don't get fed !!!

This is a hugely shit situation for the Op and people who come on here to say nasty things should be ashamed of themselves.

I literally recall my week sleeping on a paediatric ward with absolute horror.

Complain about your hubby and lack of respect for his pregnant wife and not the hospital.

We would always feed pregnant and breast feeding mums, whether the child was long term on the ward or short. If they were in over a mealtime and mum was expecting or was feeding, we fed her too.

Our patients on traction would often be wheeled into the playroom (or even outside to play) for a couple of hours or so too, can they do that where you are OP? Atleast you can try get a bit of rest then.

I haven't read everyone's comments, just OPs but can probably appreciate some of the venom posted in AIBU, maybe ask for it to be moved to Children's Health OP?

This is a brilliant really helpful post.

Sorry op I have no advice as never been in that situation with either of my three children being in hospital but I have had hyperemsis and can't imagine being in that situation whilst feeling so terrible. I hope your wee one is home soon. Defo go get any lack of movement checked ASAP and ask for help with that bed, take care.

Hi

Ive not read all of the thread but just wanted to say OP I completely understand your situation. My DS (aged 2.5 years) broke his leg 5 weeks ago, our DD wasn’t quite 2 weeks old. At first the ward refused for DD to be on the ward even though I am breastfeeding her, it took intervention from my health visitor to senior management to resolve this!

We spent just over 3 weeks in hospital with DS in traction. My DH spent each night at the hospital and I went in each day so DH could go home to shower and eat. This worked best for us in our situation with a newborn, you just have to work out what works best for your situation.

Even coming home is not easy, we’ve been home two weeks now and DS has just started to crawl but is not keen to walk yet. He had a follow-up appointment with the consultant today and all is going well so far but it is still sometime from being back to ‘normal’.

Anyway, just wanted to say you are doing so well and it will get better. Being discharged is the best feeling!

it is hard on you, but a lot of what you are asking for is not the hospital/staff’s responsibility. Moreover, much is not within their gift to fix. The bottom line is that if you are not able/fit to be with your son at the moment, then your husband must take over. I’m sorry if that sounds harsh, but the reality is that a quiet environment, with staff giving you significant support with routine care of your son and providing food to your preference because you are pregnant and tired is unlikely to be an achievable position. You are exhausted and struggling, it’s hard to be objective and 100% rational when you feel that way.

With regards to specifics- the meals are what the hospital have. You can have food brought to you/bring what you want in with you we if you don’t like what is available/ don’t think it is nutritious enough for your needs. I think hospital food often leaves a lot to be desired, but given how much the catering dept’s get to feed patients they do pretty well.

The ward will be busy and that may well include at night. The staff need to do what is clinically needed- that it disturbs you is unfortunate but not intentional. And being blunt, essentially irrelevant. They can’t tiptoe around tired parents, pregnant or otherwise, because they have a job to do. Unnecessary noise should be avoided, of course, and if you think this is happening then you should approach the charge nurse/sister to discuss this.

side-rooms are allocated on basis of clinical need first and foremost. Clinical need of the patient, not their parent. You could ask if there is one available and if no-one is currently requiring it then you might be allowed in to a side-room. But you need to be prepared to be moved if clinical demands necessitate.

You can ask for specific assistance, if genuinely required (not preferred)- but there will be some things that clinical staff will not do routinely (they might as a one off, to be obliging) and some things it is not appropriate to ask them to do. If they are busy, they are going to have to prioritise tasks, which may mean available discretionary help is limited.

I think you probably need to ask your husband to take on the lion’s share of the staying on the ward with your son.

At the hospital we were at (GOSH) there were volunteers who came to visit the children. It sounds weird but they would just sit with your kid for you, its worth asking if there’s similar volunteers at your hospital.

I hear all you say Jackson but the one thing I entirely disagree with is gratuitous noise at night. Not clinical noise arising from caring for sick children but the giggling, very loud chatter of the nursing staff about holidays and their husband's, boyfriends, blokes, etc., and an inability to speak quietly or even at a normal tone because children/patients/their parents are trying to sleep. And do not get me started on the eyeroll if one's child needs pain relief and it is an overdue, the child is hurting, but you have heard them gossiping for the last 45 minutes.

It has happened every single time a child of mine has been in hospital, except for planned things, when we have paid.

This is also what happened every night I was in hospital with my toddler, the nurses had a loud snack time each evening with drinks and food, lots of laughing and chat about TV and their social lives, it kept some of the children and parents awake.

I was on the child’s ward for about a month on and off with my son when he was born premature and honestly as much as I started to distrust the doctors with my sons health, I couldn’t fault the overall care. They took good enough care of me to say I wasn’t a patient but I was a breastfeeding mum, they fed me and gave me a private room in order to express and feed him in peace. The only hospital this didn’t happen in was LGI in Leeds and that was because the private rooms were for very very sick children which obviously took precedent

@buttercuplizzy have you seen anyone about the reduced movements?

DS did four moths in hospital when he was 1. Whilst one of us slept over every night on a camp bed (not a pully chair) and we're there all day, if I needed to go down to the shop to buy food I would ask someone to keep an eye on him. We also had a, sandwich lady come in once a day but this was pre covid.

DH has to do as many nights as he can, that's just what needs to happen. I assume you're trying to split the days off work between you so you might have to work that around but he def needs to do as many as he can, not just his fair share.

Be extra friendly to the HCAs, they're absolutely who you need on side

Your DH needs to be more considerate of his DW.

The nursing staff should have full responsibility for your child if he needs to be in hospital 24/7. If he needs a parent with him at night, it should be his dad. You do day time and then go home. I think you need to grow up and grow a pair. Even if his dad is working, there is no reason he can't sleep in the hospital and be with his boy while you are pregnant and at home with your daughter.

I get the feeling some partners don't pull their weight...but...someone has to go to work. Always a difficult time.
Reminds me of when my daughter was 5 and had 2 nights in hospital.I stayed with her.A single parent ( widow with no nearby family) I had to leave my other 2 kids 15 and 17, to fend for themselves. Horrors! They didn't trash the place, and they did feed the pets,but I don't think they went to school!!
You do pick your battles though. We survived,they are in their 30s and 40s now and appreciate that I had it a bit tough.

Not every DH can drop work. Mine couldn't- think pilot, surgeon, QC genre. The problem with the NHS is that those who work in it have no idea of the reality of the real world and the fragility of careers and professional reputations and that not everyone, particularly those who are low earners or self employed has a gold plated sick pay scheme.

At the very least, if they expect relatives to.provide 24 hour care for their loved ones they need to facilitate the basic needs of those relatives who have replaced ward orderlies and help keep the overall pay bill down. We hear nurses complain enough that they don't have time for a wee or a sip of water. At least they get to go home after their shift.

The easiest thing to do would be to get your dh to stay at the hospital instead of you and you stay with your oldest child. I would first of all get checked out for low movements and inform a nurse that you need to do this. Absolutely start speaking to the neighbouring parents, I used to keep an ear out for other kids whilst their parents had a shower, or warmed up good and vice versa. It's difficult being on a children's ward with your precious child at the best of times but a lot harder being heavily pregnant and feeling poorly to boot.

I'd then make your life as easy as possible once at home, so if your older child eats very simple meals with next to no cooking involved that won't harm them. Not sure how old your dd is but if she is school age is there any chance you have parents at her school that could do pick ups or drop offs just for a week or two? Do they have some kind of pick up service for after school club that you could use?

Sorry to sound harsh, but no. They don’t have any duty of care to you. I know from bitter experience how exhausting paediatric wards are even though I realise how lucky we are to be allowed to stay with our children on them.

i hope your partner takes over and you feel better soon.

It amazes me that STILL in this day and age night staff are so fecking noisy!! Honestly rest/sleep is required if you’re poorly/recovering so PLEASE for the love of God night staff STFU when you’re on duty and oil the squeaky obs trolleys! This is speaking from experience!! It would be quieter at a vets!

I'm not sure what the hospital could do differently as they are stretched so thin as it is, however I do understand having been pregnant recently- it sounds very tiring for you. I think the solution needs to come from your husband.

What utter nonsense