To expect the hospital to be more considerate of pregnant mums?

[buttercuplizzy]

My 3 year old son broke his leg 2 weeks ago and has been in hospital since. He is expected to be in hospital another week.

I cannot fault the care my Son has received, it has been exceptional. But I am 30 weeks pregnant and I'm at breaking point. I suffered badly from Hypermesis, which has been under control for several months now. But the lack of sleep, proper food, stress etc is having such a toll on my body. My nausea and sickness has come back and I just feel broken and at the point I am worrying about the health of myself and baby....

Am I sounding melodramatic? We have a daughter at home to care for and not a massive amount of family support. I am struggling with the lack of sleep, caused by being on a busy ward with lots of middle of the night admittance. Im struggling with the physical care my son needs. Im struggling with the poor diet.

I understand my son, and not me, is the patient. But surely they have a duty of care towards pregnant women? Im exhausted, how can I respectfully raise this with staff? I just feel like I need more help and a quieter environment- not sure if either are possible. Or any other solutions- me and my husband are currently doing alternating 24 hour shifts.

Sorry but your situation is self-inflicted. You need to not do a 24hr shift by his bedside. So stop doing it.

Surely the dad has a duty of care to his child in hospital, the unborn one and you.

He could easily stay instead of you. It’s what couples do. If he legit cannot then he should be bringing you food from home with him when he visits. Even if it’s what they had the day before.

I think the clear answer here is your DH needs to do the vast majority of the hospital stuff/stay. It's bonkers you're running your pregnant self down when you have a DH you can swap with.

@FluffMagnet NICU mums are encouraged to go home and loaned hospital grade pumps to supply breastmilk for the babies overnight. Once baby graduates to SCBU, at our hospital you could stay in a room that had 4 beds for mums to share to do the overnights in preparation for baby coming home (depending on how long a stay is expected). The nurses would come and wake you up when baby needed feeding.

We did 2 weeks in NICU / SCBU, had two nights at home then DD was readmitted back to the paeds ward, where we had your experience - only one parent allowed and had to be with baby 24/7. That was more exhausting and stressful than the two weeks on neonatal.

Dad needs to stay with him. Job done.

I think you’re missing the distinction between a child in hospital who would always need 24/7 care in place whether in hospital or at home and an adult in hospital who can be trusted to stay in bed or entertain themselves.

And in cases where an adult has dementia or LD or lacks mental capacity for other reasons they likely already have care needs assessed and support in place by social care, or DOLS can be put into place to keep the patient safe from risks that they won’t anticipate themselves.

More to the point, why would anyone want to leave a three year old in hospital alone while they went home and carried on normal family life with their husband and other child? 😖Sat alone while someone comes to prick their finger to check their blood sugar every few hours for example, or the doctor takes bloods or a nurse gives horrible medicine, or a group of (unknown to the child) orthopaedic doctors come into examine his poorly leg, ask him to sign the consent form himself and tell him he’s going down to theatre within the hour because they’ve freed up a spot, and “by the way, I know you’re only three, but when did you last have something to eat?”.

hospitals can and do provide all care of a parent can’t stay whatever the age of the child.

but as has been said here it seems like your husband needs to do more

You aren't the patient your child is. Your husband needs to be the one staying over if you're struggling so much.

There speaks someone who has not had the pleasure of staying in hospital with a child for weeks on end.

People leave their kids at night in hospital all the time. Sometimes for a short break, sometimes for the whole night. At first, did I judge them - sure I did.

Nearly 2 months later, I felt a lot more understanding. I didn't leave my toddler alone at night, but in the (permanently manned) room of 6 I was in, about 2/3rds of parents stayed - not everyone.

Some had to get back for other children (single parents), some slept at Ronald McDonald because frankly they needed a break and their child either didn't mind or wasnt aware either way. For some, hospital was as near as they ever got to respite with a very high needs child, and it was necessary.

We were encouraged to have a break, told to go back to Ronald and they'd call us when she was up from a nap (and that's then try to entertain her for a bit first).

They told us to go out for dinner as a couple as they were there to look after her. We didn't, but I kind of regret not taking them up on that now 😂

Obviously it depends on the ward and the hospital, but the idea that social services would be involved if a parent couldn't stay overnight is ridiculous.

Yes, I know. But play teams usually work 9-5 and won’t do the whole night so parents can go home.

I encouraged OP to explain what specific practical help she feels she might benefit from, so suggestions such as play team/side room/dietary suggestions could be offered but she hasn’t said.

OP I have been in this exact position, heavily pregnant and with a 2 year old with fractured femur, your DH needs to step up and sleep at the hospital. Mine spent a month sleeping there every night while I slept at home in my own bed. Still shattered but so much better than "sleeping" on the ward.

I'm really shocked that he's making you alternate 24 hour shifts with him.

It’s your husband that has the duty of care, not the people caring for sick children. Quite normal for just one parent to stay in the hospital the majority of the time, and if you aren’t in a fit condition to be there your husband needs to do it far more. Pretty simple really, why would be need to show a duty of care to someone choose to be there that’s unhappy with the care.

I do realise it’s a really shit situation, and the stress of having a child in hospital is just crap, I’ve been there. But I think your judgement is clouded here so I hope you can take from this thread that your DH needs to do more, not the hospital.

Unfortunately there’s not a lot the hospital can do. Do you have any friends who could come in and sit with him so you could go home for a few hours sleep? Does he wake a lot a night? Could you go home for the night and Dad come and sleep in the hospital with him?

"Being there at much as you can"

"If you can stay overnight, ask the staff to arrange an extra bed or mattress for you"

Obviously it's much better if a parent can stay, but it's clearly not compulsory!

I wouldn't have expected more from the NHS sadly and don't have any personal experience, but I agree OP that there should be some consideration for your needs too. I think our expectations are so low now we are actually far too willing to accept what shouldn't be acceptable. Pregnant women are always being told to look after themselves but when the chips are down I'm not sure anyone really cares about their wellbeing particularly.

Food wise - can you both pop to somewhere like m and s that does lots of pre prepped meals and take stuff with you to last the 24hrs your there?
pre chopped fruit/ yogurt/ crossiants
ready made pasta pots/ sandwiches/ pre cooked chicken/ cheese/ snacks.

tbh I see why you are doing 24hrs. If my 2 year old was in hospital he would want me regularly as I am main carer at home (ie dh is working 9-6pm and no nursery yet). So more than 24hrs and swapping would seem the most fair way to both get an alternative night sleep and for child to see both parents.

I am struggling with the lack of sleep, caused by being on a busy ward with lots of middle of the night admittance. Im struggling with the physical care my son needs. Im struggling with the poor diet

The nurses are there to care for your son so of course you can ask for assistance with his physical care needs.

However, your diet and sleep is nothing to do with them, that’s on you as a fully grown adult. As PP have said siderooms are for the sickest and illest, but it’s worth a ask. Not really sure what you want them to do about your diet though, knock you up a healthy meal in the kitchen in the middle of caring for all the poorly kiddies?! 🤔

Really hard op, but as a paeds nurse the child is our priority and no you wouldn’t get a side room. However the majority of us are parents and have been pregnant and if you speak to either the nurse caring for your child or the charge nurse on duty and explain you’re struggling with some of the cares for your son, long term fractures for toddlers are so so hard. I’ve nursed many in spica’s, Thomas split traction etc they get so fed up. Have the play team be involved too so you can have some time, or even give plenty activities to keep him occupied. I used to spend lots of time as a student playing with the kids so the nurses can help where they can. sadly wards are really busy so it is noisy etc your husband might need to step up some more to let you rest more. Hope it’s not much longer for you. But do speak up as staff can’t help if they don’t know you’re struggling.

Sorry but I dont understand what the hospital are doing wrong here?

I’ve experienced the hell of regular stays on childrens’ wards. Your DH needs to take over so you can be at home.

Yes YABU. If you are struggling with the lack of sleep then alternate the nights with your husband. Bring food in with you or have your husband drop it off.
They can’t really provide you with more care than other parents, that is ultimately taking resources away from the sick children .

You’re not the patient. You’re not their concern. They have more than enough to contend with.

That’s it.

@ZealAndArdour

Where do you get that idea from?
I've just come off working on a Paeds ward over winter, with all the covid restrictions that means parents are even more isolated and alone in hospital than usual as it's not easy for others to pitch in/swap etc.
Parents can absolutely go off the ward to have a kip, or all night if they need to and their kid is well/settled enough.
A 3 year old with a broken leg who has settled into hospital wouldn't (in my experience) need a parent there every second of the night. Or the day.
I've watched, held, cuddled, comforted, played with all manner of kids while their parents take a break, and if I've got called to something urgent I'll swap with someone else. You're don't work in Paeds just to take obs and ignore the other needs of the children in your care.
Jesus threatening social services if a parent leaves the ward while their child has weeks long stay in hospital with a non-serious injury? Where did you get that attitude from? They're in a place of safety with staff there to look after them unless extreme situations which is why you'd check with staff first.
We do take into account the needs of carers. Pregnancy of the care giver would be something noted on admission paperwork,. However unfortunately a lot still falls on the parent/carer to manage.
Nearby air bnbs cut the commute which can be a factor contributing to exhaustion and eating up time, and can mean siblings can be nearby if possible and easier for others to swap in at short notice as everyone is nearby.

Unfortunately no, they don't have a duty of care too you. I presume he's fractured his femur and is in traction. We have had many heavily pregnant mums with an older child with a fractured femur. We try our best to look after mums as well. But we are limited with our facilities. Most families rely on relatives to tag team.

You do realise it isn't a hotel?