To expect the hospital to be more considerate of pregnant mums?

[buttercuplizzy]

My 3 year old son broke his leg 2 weeks ago and has been in hospital since. He is expected to be in hospital another week.

I cannot fault the care my Son has received, it has been exceptional. But I am 30 weeks pregnant and I'm at breaking point. I suffered badly from Hypermesis, which has been under control for several months now. But the lack of sleep, proper food, stress etc is having such a toll on my body. My nausea and sickness has come back and I just feel broken and at the point I am worrying about the health of myself and baby....

Am I sounding melodramatic? We have a daughter at home to care for and not a massive amount of family support. I am struggling with the lack of sleep, caused by being on a busy ward with lots of middle of the night admittance. Im struggling with the physical care my son needs. Im struggling with the poor diet.

I understand my son, and not me, is the patient. But surely they have a duty of care towards pregnant women? Im exhausted, how can I respectfully raise this with staff? I just feel like I need more help and a quieter environment- not sure if either are possible. Or any other solutions- me and my husband are currently doing alternating 24 hour shifts.

Send your son's Dad in, why are you being a martyr? 🙄

She has done, RTFT

Just say you are too unwell to go into the hospital and also your children at home need you there If you were a single parent with no childcare you couldn't be at the hospital 24/7. I don't think the hospital can be expected to treat you like a patient though.

I really sympathise. My son was admitted to hospital several times during my hyperemetic pregnancy (and no swapping as peak Covid). Really awful time.

That being said- what can they do!? I think swap with your husband, at least some of the time.

Ah I am breastfeeding DD so maybe that's why. I was pleasantly surprised, especially as the lunch meal was one I knew was really nice from when I'd stayed on the postnatal ward after having her. I was almost disappointed to leave before lunch!

I really feel for you. This sounds an enormously stressful situation. I can’t offer any practical advice except to say that it might be worth just chatting to someone at the hospital just to see if they have any suggestions on how you can all support each other more effectively. If you end up making yourself ill with the stress and other practical difficulties, your child - their patient - will suffer too. Enormous luck with a very trying situation.

I feel for you OP, it is a stressful situation to be in and adding that you are pregnant must be terrible.

Have you asked about meals? I worked for the NHS catering team for a while and we would provide small meals for the parents. It would only be a jacket potato or sandwich but it was something. Is there definitely no cafe?

Do you have any idea of how long he will have to stay in? Hopefully you can pull on as many favours as possible until he is home. I'm sure people will be willing to prep you food, babysit and generally help out if you ask.

@buttercuplizzy

Firstly this thread is fucking horrible, exactly against what the spirit of MN should be, but like those about benefits you are treated terribly because you have to be grateful as all these miserable bitches think they are paying for your dreadful treatment and you should be happy to lie on the floor of the hospital covered in sackcloth and fed by toastcrumbs.

My DS is a seasoned children's ward inhabitant.
I have pretty severe health issues and these don't fare well sleeping on pull put beds and eating crap food and not getting any sleep.
.I have a DH but if he doesn't work he doesn't get paid, so to keep our lives on track and with multiple long stay hospital admissions a year these are my "top tips"

*tell the staff how bad you feel, there may be q little parents room with real beds you can sleep in at night and they can can call you if you are needed.

*usually HCA will help you put up and take down your camp bed /cot if they know how you are feeling

*not every ward (even in the same hospital) has the same facilities- I have been snuck into a parent bedroom in the ward across the hall as I was feeling so rough, but was still accessible

*get a cheap cool bag, even the ones from the till at m&s and put in a large frozen bottle of water, then bring fresh snacks, fruit, hummus, crackers when you and DH swap

*go and get checked out for low movement, explain and someone on the ward will mind DS, play assistants are brilliant

*be friendly with your neighbours- you can keep an eye out for each others kids when running to the loo etc.

*if you can get outside for 10 mins of fresh air every so often - neighbours/play assistant/dvd player/naptime

We were in just as the 1st lockdown happened. 10 days of no swopping over, no food as theres none in our area for parents, eating purely from vending machines and washing with handsoap from a dispenser.

Some wards in "our' hospital have parents kitchens, others have nothing-some nights you may get a cup of tea at 10pm if they aren't too busy. One ward feeds you tea and toast like it's going out of fashion,on another you aren't even allowed to eat beside the bed. Some wards have cubicles of max 3 patients, others are old victorian wards of 40 patients at once.

But whatever it is, its shite being in long term with a sick child, especially when you have another condition like OP does atm being pregnant with HG. Try and answer her questions instead of being horrible if at all possible.

Hope DS recovers soon, and that you get back some help from the staff - but they can't help unless you ask OP and you are no way out of line in letting them know you are struggling. Just be clear in which ways they can help.

I know this isn’t the point of the thread at all, and the OP has my sympathy, but………

I can’t stand it when people neglect to use ‘the’ in front of ‘baby’. It just sounds so twee. I’m sorry. I can’t keep it in. I know I should try but I can’t. 😬

Thank you. This is appreciated. I needed some sensible advice from those who have been there and got the teacher- as this is all so new to us. I actually hadn't though of things like a cool bag, which seems so obvious now.

I need to stay tonight and asked HCA to help with the camp bed and they were more than polite and accommodating.

T-shirt. I mean.

You’re not there 24/7. You’re dividing it with a spouse. If indeed you were there 24/7 you would have a different experience. I know this as I’ve been in the real situation of 24/7.

I have recently spent 2 weeks on the children's ward and it was HELL. really noisy ward with lights on 24/7! Doors banging/people shouting. No consideration at all for people trying to sleep. No food available at the hospital for accompanying adults. Food provided for kids was not anywhere near nutritious. Spent a fortune on deliverys when all we needed was some home cooked food!!! Yes..... I get you OP

No advice but wanted to give my support, I was in hospital with my 2 year old for one day with HG during Covid and it was so hard, lack of access to food, drink and fresh air quickly drag you down and I wasn't allowed to swap with my husband or for him to bring me food.

As others have said because you are heavily pregnant it isn't reasonable to split the care for your son 50/50 with your husband. You are already growing another human being so the playing field isn't level here. Just as if you were at home the split of childcare and difficult tasks needs to reflect that xx

Wtf? When did we get to tThe post thst in paediatrics staff are there for just medical care and not “child care”. The child is sick or they wouldn’t be in hospital- and paediatric nursing involved the care of that sick child not just active nursing. When did the NHS get so desperate now insist a parent stay 24/7? When I was a child parents couldn’t stay if they wanted to- visiting hours only , so that the nurses could ensure child was resting and recouping. They made it boring but there were nursing assistants to keep children occupied as well as play therapists etc. I know that had been cut back on, but to say the parents are the carers 24/7 is ridiculous.
what next, adults in hosptial expected to take a relative in to stay 24/7 to provide their care if it’s not classed as “nursing”….that’s 3rd world standards of care. Are we really heading that way? Fuck it’s so depressing.

Well yes, I don't think we are far off relatives providing care for adult patients if I'm honest. I certainly wouldn't rely on hospital staff to care for my 86 year old mother round the clock. I'd be there to help her with food and drinks and washing, brushing her hair, etc., and generally advocating. Sadly we now have a system where the less relatives are about, the greater the neglect because it goes unnoticed.

Agree, we are pretty much already there with adult care too. So depressing that services have reached this low point. Children in hospital should not have to have their parent glued to their bedside 24/7.

@EmilyBolton I've worked with staff recently on a kids ward who referred parents to social services for leaving them on the ward

It's more than depressing, it's scandalous.
Think about it. The lowest scumbag festering in our prisons isn't denied access to food and sleep the way OP has been.

OP I really feel for you. The suggestions to leave your 3 year old there over night with only the staff is wild to me! They are busy as you say and a child alone who is injured in hospital surely wants the comfort of having a parent or someone familiar there. My only advice would be if possible is to reduce the nights you stay and have husband or a grandparent if possible to take a shift too. Maybe some earphones with calming music to drift off too would reduce the noise and disturbances from the ward. Cooler bag with lots of snacks you like and sandwiches ect. I'm sure many have suggested these already so hopefully they can help you.

Everyone deserves better not just you. Have you not got anyone that could bring in some food or go and buy some if your not bedridden. Maybe pay for a private room?

Maybe, just maybe her husband works?

But what do socail services do? What if your single parent? Do they take kids off you for being left home alone or take the child off you who is hospital? Do they clone you or do they insist you take your healthy home alone kids in the stay I hospital with you?

Do you go to court and tell the judge it was choice of kids home alone or child alone on a ward? Does the judge say that's neglect and remove all the kids?

Socail services wont get you into trouble as it's a non case like if you feel down the stairs as a single parent with no support network and you ended up in hospital. Could socail care take your kids into care then for neglect? I dont think they could get these cases through court. It's not going to happen.

@EmilyBolton do you seriously believe that a hospital should provide enough staff to chase toddlers who run around a ward touching god knows what, or change a toddlers nappy, or constantly amuse bored children because their parent isnt there? They are a medical facility not a childcare facility, they are there to look after the patients medical needs not babysit them or their parents.

Maybe just maybe he needs to take some holiday or parental or compassionate leave!