To expect the hospital to be more considerate of pregnant mums?

[buttercuplizzy]

My 3 year old son broke his leg 2 weeks ago and has been in hospital since. He is expected to be in hospital another week.

I cannot fault the care my Son has received, it has been exceptional. But I am 30 weeks pregnant and I'm at breaking point. I suffered badly from Hypermesis, which has been under control for several months now. But the lack of sleep, proper food, stress etc is having such a toll on my body. My nausea and sickness has come back and I just feel broken and at the point I am worrying about the health of myself and baby....

Am I sounding melodramatic? We have a daughter at home to care for and not a massive amount of family support. I am struggling with the lack of sleep, caused by being on a busy ward with lots of middle of the night admittance. Im struggling with the physical care my son needs. Im struggling with the poor diet.

I understand my son, and not me, is the patient. But surely they have a duty of care towards pregnant women? Im exhausted, how can I respectfully raise this with staff? I just feel like I need more help and a quieter environment- not sure if either are possible. Or any other solutions- me and my husband are currently doing alternating 24 hour shifts.

Why are you staying? It should be your husband there and you just visiting in the day. You can't expect them to care for you you aren't the patient your child is. I'm not even sure what you want them to do for you? I'm sure private rooms are for very poorly children, not pregnant women visiting.

Gosh I feel for you it’s just not an environment that’s going to be easy for you.

However practically you are there alternate days why not take a cool box with nice chilled food and drinks in it?

So you swop with your husband 🤷‍♀️

"They just don't have the resources (or interest) in supporting the parents."
Do you really think I and my colleagues don't have the interest to support parents? I have spent 35+ years supporting patients both adults and children and their families friends etc. We think about you all the time, we talk about you in our breaks, we worry about you, I drive home at night thinking about you, I miss breaks, don't get a drink or go to the loo for 13 hours because I care about the patient and their families. we ring in on our days off to see how a particular patient is doing, it's the first thing we ask when we cone back after a few days off "what happened to X?" We contact tertiary centres to find out about children (and adults) we've transferred, we attend funerals, we cry with you, we put our arms around exhausted stressed a parents and offer support and reassurance we advocate for your child/mother father. I remember so many patients and families in quiet moments I wonder about patients who Ive cared for in the past is X was alright, what happened to the family of Y how did they get on following the sudden death of their child/father/brother. I'm not just speaking for myself but nearly all my colleagues. Two year ago you clapped for us but now .....

wow people are really piling on the op who is having a really hard time
you have my full sympathy op been there done that

Thank you for all that you do for people day in day out in such underfunded circumstances.

It's a disgrace how much people expect. The NHS is not a 5* hotel.

My daughter was in hospital last year while I was pregnant, and I also suffered Hg.

In my experience, the food provision is mainly for the children. They give parents food but parents aren't the main audience. At that time only one parent could stay over (we couldn't alternate) due to covid and since I'd taken her to a&e it was me who had to stay. Husband used to bring me better food and drink at visiting. He also brought me headphones and ear plugs which helped with sleep.

Unfortunately either husband needs to do all overnight or you need to suck it up. Their concern is with the health of the child. They are seriously understaffed and frankly not paid enough to be worrying about parents too.

Fwiw, I just had my baby and the noise levels on the post natal ward was 10x worse than paeds, and not even because of the babies!

What suboptimal standards are you talking about?
I've been a patient recently (I never said I was a nurse) I was frankly stunned at how caring everyone was, the excellent medical care I received how informed. I felt most staff went above and beyond to help, I'm not saying it was perfect but I was pretty impressed and far exceeded my expectations.
I've done a few shifts in the private sector the vast majority lack the knowledge and expertise for anything beyond the barn door normal, the staff were no more caring than those in the NHS, the permanent doctors (not the consultants who come in and out so aren't permanently based in a private hospital) are worryingly definitely less knowledgeable especially when the chips were down this also went for the nursing staff who lacked experience of an emergency situation. OK better food and a doily on your tray and maybe a side room but personally if I was ill Id opt for the NHS everytime. We also have nurses from around Europe Spain Italy France Potugal Poland etc working with us (least we did) they don't seem to think their healthcare is particularly any better so I'm not sure where this wonderful health care model is.

Im leaving this thread now it just upset me to see the criticism of our NHS. OP I really hope your DS gets better soon and that the rest of your pregnancy goes smoothly.

I must admit, I have been in a similar situation and it didn't occur to me that I should be given any special treatment (or food!) due to pregnancy. I just wanted my dd to get special treatment, which she very much did. The NHS is stretched to breaking point, you know this op, why do you expect them to feed you a special diet? Without a doubt, food in hospitals can be absolutely crap, but you are in the lucky position of not actually being a patient yourself therefore should not be expecting to be reliant on it.

You are in a very difficult situation though, I hope your DH steps up and takes on more of the work so you can rest more, if that's what you need. Take care.

Oh you know: Shropshire, Birmingham, Bristol, East Kent, notwithstanding shocking pockets of maternity care and post natal care across the board.

Even when my DC were infants we had to pay for their grommets. The optimal care for my osteoporosis is a drug that is not available on the NHS so I am paying for the two year course - happy to do so and glad I can but treatment is no longer tailored to the needs of individual patients it's dependent on what NICE says taking into account overall outcomes.

I have had to deal with rude, bossy nurses every time one of my DC has been admitted to hospital and I won't begin with my local hospital but the last time I visited it was disorganised chaos and I heard staff laying into ambulance crew and the public in a manner that was disproportionate, not withstanding their misdiagnosis which has taken nearly a year to sort out. Equally, I've also had to deal with some very rude Dr's.

We have a home in Grance and healthcare there under a social insurance system is head and shoulders above what the UK delivers. We have similarly been able to contrast and compare a ruptured eardrum and broken arm vis a vis the children and the same care delivered respectively in Austria and France was efficient, thorough and delivered with impeccable courtesy. That does not ime happen in the UK's NHS facilities.

I would not trust a UK nurse to look after my child's needs through the night, having watched children, whose parents weren't there, ignored. And no nurses weren't busily run off their feet, they were laughing at the nurses station about their chaps and holidays. Not even that recent - 2008.

Respectfully perhaps don't take people's comments so personally? I'm in a profession that affects a similar amount of ire, but honestly listening to everyone's views (which they're entitled to have of course, shame lots are based on ignorance but that's life), especially those who have never met you is a pointless exercise. In 'real life' I pay attention because some of the comments will be valid and help me improve, some will be based on misunderstandings which perhaps can be addressed, and some just want to vent at the system- which I do as well as its crap at the moment! I get that when you're exhausted emotionally and physically, fighting to do your best for people when everything is crumbling around you it's hard to let comments go, but it is hard on parents on children's wards regardless of how hard the staff work.

You can’t be there 24/7

what a strange thing to request when someone is in hospital

that’s their job and you and husband visit surely ?

what happens if not there 24/7 ?

tiredwardsister

most criticisms of the nhs focus on the funding and management
which is awful as you know well xx

not the people , who in the large - rock x

I'm on the ops side here. Hospitals do expect parents to perform all personal care nowadays and help with feeding, toileting, etc. Therefore the OP, or her DH, being there is significantly helping a stretched NHS and I think there shoukd be a responsibility to ensure the parent remains well enough to care for their child and if parents need to stay there ought to be decent shower/wc facilities.

wow people are really piling on the op who is having a really hard time

always the way
its like why even bother with aibu
its just an excuse for people to ‘safely ‘ vent at a complete stranger
And make them feel even worse !!
horrible and it’s always been like this

I don’t understand why you’re not eating properly: can you not just bring good food from home?
better still, you stay at home with your daughter while your husband spends the remaining week at the hospital.

@RosesAndHellebores I have stayed in 3 different hospitals on 5 different wards with my daughter and there has always been 'decent' shower/toilet facilities for parents.
I am sorry your experiences have not been good but I find it unusual that you wouldn't have had access to a shower.

I stayed with my Ds a few years ago.. i was encouraged to go get something to eat. Napped when my ds did.. i bought ready meals for parent room ... its find your way.

I think you are being precious OP. Its not the job of the very busy staff to look after you or babysit your child. That job is yours and your husband's. He should be taking on more of the nights and bringing you decent food from home. Also all the parents who are happy to just " leave" a child there alone overnight are just strange! I speak as a parent who has spent frequent, long periods of time in hospital with a dc, never once did i see another parent that was happy to just go home and leave a small child alone for the night!

I was in a children's ward for 2 weeks with my toddler. My DD was not allowed off the ward and I was not allowed to leave her. There was no food provided for parents and I couldn’t leave the ward to buy food in the canteen.

I was dependent on other parents buying me something when they went to the canteen, but this was hard as I have coeliac disease so can’t eat sandwiches, cakes and biscuits, which is mostly what they sell.

I was allowed to leave the ward at night when my child was asleep but only for a few minutes. Of course the canteen was closed but there was vending machine which sold chocolate bars and biscuits.

So I survived on random pieces of fruit and chocolate bars for two weeks - I went down to about 7.5 stone. Once I ate one of the children's mini yoghurts and a nurse shouted at me in front of the other parents.

There was a parents toilet on our ward but no shower, I had to go to another ward for that and the nurses got annoyed if you were alway for more that a few minutes. Again I couldn't go during the day as my DD was awake.

For the entire time I was in that ward, there were more nurses that children on every single shift. Each night about 9pm, all the nurses had a break time at the desk in the middle of the ward, where they had tea / coffee/ sandwiches / cakes for about 45 mins . I think it’s when the shifts changed. They were very noisy .

Parents were not allowed to have tea and coffee on the ward as it was a safety risk to the children. We were allowed to drink it in the parents kitchen but only of we had someone else to watch our child.

Once another parent brought me in some chips and put them in the parents kitchen ( we were not allowed hot food on the ward ). By the time I got there to eat them ( about 1 minute ) , a nurse had thrown them in the bin. I cried.

I know I should be grateful because the hospital saved my child’s life. But these nurses were not good people.

The doctors seemed much nicer but they didn’t see how the nurses treated the parents , as if we were dirt.

@1VY thats awful. Did you ever contact Pals because that sort of thing needs to change. If the OP is in a similar situation then I certainly don’t think she’s being precious.

the only time dd was admitted to hospital they didn’t have space on paed ward and put her on an adult ward at 16yo where random men from the next bay would come to her bedside. I had to argue to be allowed on the ward in the morning for ward rounds, no way could she advocate for herself or understand. But initially they’d been like “visiting isn’t till 2pm”.

It depends on the hospital and wider trust in regards to many things. During covid DS was admitted and it was one parent, couldn't leave the ward due to staffing and weren't permitted to leave the ward for a break. I asked what would happen, whether we could swap (me and DH) and was told he wouldn't have anyone to keep an eye on him necessarily (he was 3 and in a bed without sides so you can probably imagine) as cots weren't permitted on the ward he was on and they had no rooms for him so it would be a risk and no we couldn't swap. Thankfully were only in for a few nights but it was hell. Staff were amazing with DS and were sympathetic but ultimately the most uncomfortable chair in existence and saying I could eat food DS left from meals was hard going.

Hopefully with covid about but not as prominent things are different, but it does sound hard for OP and a lot of the responses are really harsh!

YABVU they are stretched enough as it is - they can’t look after you too.

As everyone else has said your DH is going to have to do the majority of the work and you can go in for a couple hours a day so he can go home and have a shower etc.

I’m sure he’ll be home soon.

@1VY that’s awful! I would definitely be complaining!