To expect the hospital to be more considerate of pregnant mums?

[buttercuplizzy]

My 3 year old son broke his leg 2 weeks ago and has been in hospital since. He is expected to be in hospital another week.

I cannot fault the care my Son has received, it has been exceptional. But I am 30 weeks pregnant and I'm at breaking point. I suffered badly from Hypermesis, which has been under control for several months now. But the lack of sleep, proper food, stress etc is having such a toll on my body. My nausea and sickness has come back and I just feel broken and at the point I am worrying about the health of myself and baby....

Am I sounding melodramatic? We have a daughter at home to care for and not a massive amount of family support. I am struggling with the lack of sleep, caused by being on a busy ward with lots of middle of the night admittance. Im struggling with the physical care my son needs. Im struggling with the poor diet.

I understand my son, and not me, is the patient. But surely they have a duty of care towards pregnant women? Im exhausted, how can I respectfully raise this with staff? I just feel like I need more help and a quieter environment- not sure if either are possible. Or any other solutions- me and my husband are currently doing alternating 24 hour shifts.

Honestly, sounds like your husband needs to be doing more of the hospital shifts and you look after the kids at home. Or you do more of the daytime shifts so you can at least get a decent night's sleep

Your husband needs to stay at the hospital and you need to be at home.

Can you ask if you can be in a side room? I don't think it's reasonable to expect people to creep around you on a busy ward - are you able to go during the day and go home at night to sleep (I. E are you expected to stay 24/7?)

When I was little my sister got run over and was in hospital for 6 weeks. Mum stayed for about a week then would just visit during the day as she had 3 other children to look after.

I think if you spoke to someone they'd be sympathetic and I'm not sure that during an extended stay it would be possible or practical for parents to stay for every minute!

The only thing you can do is be there less and they will pick up the slack, which obviously you don't want to do. Can anyone else pitch in, grandparents?

Unfortunately you are not their patient, so no, there is no duty of care.

Hell, my hospital is totally inconsiderate of my pregnancy conditions even when I'm at antenatal appointments, so I have to sit in waiting rooms for hours in agony 🤷‍♀️

You need to do this.

They said we need to be there 24/7....

I agree. I'm not sure what the hospital staff could do. Wouldn't it make sense for you and your DH to share hospital time?

Why are you there and not your husband/partner? As you rightly say you aren't the patient so are unreasonable to expect special treatment, but as a family you can mitigate the issue

Yep, your husband needs to be on hospital duty and you at home.

Sadly my experience is that pregnant and postnatal women have to deal with this even when they are the admitted person, so there’s basically no chance they’ll be able to fix it for you when they’re looking after your son.

I hope he’s well enough to go home soon.

Could your DH do more night times so you can sleep at home.

Why aren’t you getting proper food? Can’t your husband bring it for you? Or you eat it at home? Or buy yourself some proper food from a shop before you go back to the ward? What do you hope the hospital can do about it?

What do you want them to do practically?
Would it help to be in a side room so that you’re not being disturbed by the hustle and bustle?
Sometimes it helps to be very specific about what you need them to do, otherwise it can just come across like whinging.

How come he’s got to be in for three weeks with a broken leg? Normally kids have a pot on and go home, sometimes even if they’re awaiting surgery, unless there’s something else going on that he’s being kept in for?

What type of fracture is it? In what ways would you like them to help with his care? Without knowing what he’s kept in for, and what the stressors might be, it’s hard to stay if they are likely to be able to reduce them? Is he having multiple procedures, or is he just there on bed rest?

Do you need to contact your own GP for a prescription for anti-emetics?

Your husband needs to be the one staying overnight. Be with your son in the daytime but it will be better for you to be home at night.
Are you living close to the hospital? If not you'll might be able to stay in parents accommodation (ie a Ronald McDonald House) which at least will give you a proper bed and bathroom etc.

Also there should be a parents breakroom with microwave, kettle, fridge etc. The staff have shown you where that is I assume. Get a good supply of microwave meals, things like those pot porridge that you just add boiling water. I find the wards quite hot at times so a supply of fruit is good to have.
The say a parent has to be there 24/7 - buy that doesn't mean literally sat next to their bed. They mean on the ward. You can pop to the parents room for ten minutes and your son will be fine.
You are usually allowed to nip out to the Costa/overpriced M+S/WHSmith or whatever they have down in the main entrance - as long as you tell staff where you are going and don't do it at an annoying time like staff hand-over.

I used to work on a children's ward and side rooms are normally few and far between and reserved for infectious or immuno-compromised patients. We had 9 on a 21 bed ward and they were always full.
There's not really a lot that staff can do on a busy ward. You need to ask your husband to help out more.
However they cannot force you to stay 24/7.

They can’t force you to be there 24/7 - what do single parents do? Your DH should go as much as he possibly can, even if that’s less than 24/7.

You can sort your own food to suit your needs
You can negotiate with your husband a plan of action that gets you more rest
You can discuss with your midwife/GP your own health concerns
You can discuss with staff the rationale for someone being present 24/7
You can also see if there is a relative's room or somewhere you can rest/sleep in so you're nearby but not on the ward
Do you live near the hospital? Would a reasonable strategy be that you air BnB or something nearby and you can come straight in if you're needed? Or you can go and rest there for periods of time during the day?
I know you're tired and pregnant and frustrated and it's horrible having a child in hospital, however you still have responsibility to look after yourself, just as you would if you were at home.

I stayed on a ward with my DD when I was 39 weeks pregnant. I think I did manage to get a proper bed rather than one of the fold up ones they usually give you but other than that there were no concessions. It's tough but the best you can do is swap the nights with your DH and change over in the daytime. You also need to keep stocked up with food as they don't provide anything.

I was in for a week with my 11 day old not so long ago, who I had given birth to by c section. It had to be me as I was breastfeeding, so DH stayed home with DD. It was hell for me trying to recover from surgery, and contortions around medical equipment trying to feed DS all hooked up to wires. We were on the normal paediatric ward, but I assume those poor souls who have a baby in NICU similarly are treated in the post-natal period. The staff were fantastic, and one even dealt with DS one night for a few hours after I cracked at 2am, so I could get a few hours rest, but they were short staffed and the system is not set up to consider the medical, social or other needs of parents in this situation. It is annoying, but in your case I would try and swap with your DP so you can rest too.

NICU has high enough staffing levels that you are encouraged to go home overnight.

I did 16 weeks in NICU with DS but they were a breeze compared to the 3 weeks on the paeds ward, and I couldn't even swap with DH then. Simply because the amount of staff meant that I couldn't safely leave my DS for more than a couple of minutes.

I think your husband needs to do a longer stint, OP.

A three year old can’t be left on the ward on his own while his mum and/or dad swans off to sleep in an AirBNB. Staff are there to provide medical care, not childcare. Who looks after him when another child on the ward has a cardiac arrest which takes every single member of staff to deal with?

If he was 13 or 14 there might be a case for a night there alone in exceptional circumstances, agreed with ward staff, but if you go home and leave a three year old, I would not be surprised if they involved social care with concerns about your ability to prioritise the needs of your child.

If you are absolutely not up to the job of staying at the hospital then your DP needs to do it instead and you stay at home with your other child. Or increase his ratio of hospital stays, say he does two nights, you do one, he does two, etc.

It’s all well and good saying “what about single parents…”, but the OP isn’t a single parent and the hospital know that. In really dire circumstances, social workers find emergency foster care placements or family/friends step in to care for the other children.

yabu. can’t believe you’re complaining about the food

your husband can do more of the hospital stays

As everyone else has said...your husband needs to stay there at night, if he can't every night then some nights.

My hospital has a separate menu if you're pregnant, see if you can eat from that if they have one.

A three year old can’t be left on the ward on his own while his mum and/or dad swans off to sleep in an AirBNB. Staff are there to provide medical care, not childcare. Who looks after him when another child on the ward has a cardiac arrest which takes every single member of staff to deal with?

fucking hell. do people really think that?
of course hospital staff needs to take care of the patient as a whole.

parents cannot always take time out of other family/caring commitments or work or not fit (like the op) to care for relatives in hospital.

YABU if I’m honest. You’re not the patient, your son is. To be honest I’m not sure what you mean by ‘duty of care’ - what is it you feel they should be doing for you? If you’re not coping then hubby needs to be at the hospital instead.

@ZealAndArdour not all staff on a children's ward are medical staff. There are playleaders (an actual qualified job) who can stay with a child for an hour while a parent takes a break for food or a shower etc.