To expect the hospital to be more considerate of pregnant mums?

[buttercuplizzy]

My 3 year old son broke his leg 2 weeks ago and has been in hospital since. He is expected to be in hospital another week.

I cannot fault the care my Son has received, it has been exceptional. But I am 30 weeks pregnant and I'm at breaking point. I suffered badly from Hypermesis, which has been under control for several months now. But the lack of sleep, proper food, stress etc is having such a toll on my body. My nausea and sickness has come back and I just feel broken and at the point I am worrying about the health of myself and baby....

Am I sounding melodramatic? We have a daughter at home to care for and not a massive amount of family support. I am struggling with the lack of sleep, caused by being on a busy ward with lots of middle of the night admittance. Im struggling with the physical care my son needs. Im struggling with the poor diet.

I understand my son, and not me, is the patient. But surely they have a duty of care towards pregnant women? Im exhausted, how can I respectfully raise this with staff? I just feel like I need more help and a quieter environment- not sure if either are possible. Or any other solutions- me and my husband are currently doing alternating 24 hour shifts.

More to the point, why would anyone want to leave a three year old in hospital alone while they went home and carried on normal family life with their husband and other child? 😖Sat alone while someone comes to prick their finger to check their blood sugar every few hours for example, or the doctor takes bloods or a nurse gives horrible medicine, or a group of (unknown to the child) orthopaedic doctors come into examine his poorly leg, ask him to sign the consent form himself and tell him he’s going down to theatre within the hour because they’ve freed up a spot, and “by the way, I know you’re only three, but when did you last have something to eat?”.

Oh come on. Be there for bedtime. Watch him fall asleep. Go to relative's room etc from 10-5 or whenever and get a chunk of sleep not interrupted by crying and beeping and talking. Be there for when he wakes up. Be nearby to within a few minutes so can be called if anything happens.
3 year old with a broken leg wouldn't need any blood sugar measurements or bloods taken during the night or without parents present.
No one would rush a child down for surgery without parents present.
The care needs of our patient cohort are taken into account, it's a Paeds ward for Christ sake.

Very few want to just dump their kid in hospital and go off on a jolly, but carers do need to look after themselves and if getting a chunk of uninterrupted sleep is needed there are ways to try and do that on the ward (earplugs, headphones, your own pillow etc) or if not possible then yes, leave a sleeping kid in the care of the staff and catch a few hours sleep elsewhere. It happens all the time.

If we notice or are told parents are getting really frazzled then we talk about it as a medical team and encourage ways to ease that situation - such as leaving the ward.

@ZealAndArdour fractured femurs are treated on traction. Until they get to give when they are big enough to be internally fixed. The rule of thumb is one week of traction for every week of age plus one week.

Absolutely this. We only have one side room and can't block it for a non infectious patient for up to a month.

You shouldn't be there at all with your condition

Dh there, you at home with the other kid - if you've money hire a temporary nanny for the other kid

Some 3 year olds are happy to be left for a while, once they've settled and got to know the staff.

We did this with similar aged child, during COVID, pregnant, older siblings at home, so just parents allowed, swapping out every 24 hours. I have a chronic illness and it made me a lot sicker being in hospital with DC.

Is his leg in traction? They really need close supervision in that case, which hospital staff just can't provide. All the children in the paediatric wing had parents with them, even the 10 year. I wouldn't leave a three year old there without a parent, not suggesting you're considering this. Our DC found it hard enough with us there, he would have been scared and likely tried to get up if we hadn't been there ,to supervise. I think PPs idea that DH takes over staying with him or at least takes over the night shift sounds like a good option.

Sorry I know this is my third post but I'm just a bit shocked at the disinformation.
OP, when trying to plan how to ease the situation for all concerned, please know that unless absolutely urgent bloods aren't taken overnight or when parents aren't present. I'd be surprised if there is a plan for overnight blood sugars too.
An orthopaedic team is not going to pitch up in the night to examine you child, especially if you are not there.
No one is going to take him to theatre or ask him to sign a consent form or ask him questions without you present.
If there's a cardiac arrest on the ward a special team will deal with it, it doesn't use every member of ward staff.
Social services will not be called nor will your 'ability to prioritise your child' be put into doubt if you needed a break.
I just felt it needed saying as you obviously posted in a place of exhaustion and desperation. I hope you can work things so you can get some rest as you obviously aren't getting enough at the moment. Best of luck.

I'd do the day shift and let DH take the evening/night so at least you can sleep in your own bed.

I was admitted with DD2 to the paed unit when she was 5 days old - I was post section and had no help/support whatsoever but was breastfeeding so had to stay. I was beyond exhausted after a week in there - the noise was relentless, especially buzzers at night. And they kindly fed me as I was BFing but it was a childs portion - I was nearly chewing my arm off in hunger, DH was stuck at work unable to help and my Mum had our eldest. It was the worst time, but we got through it.

What about changing the shift lengths? DH could do 48 hours then you do 24, then he does 48 again. You still both get time with all the DC and you get more chance to sleep and recover.

They are not there to cater for you. Buy your own food and swap with your Dh if you are struggling.

Are the nurses going home at night and turning off the machines? What exactly are you going to do that a nurse cant ? I really dont understand.

Wait until he goes to sleep go home and keep your phone on rock up in the morning is what i would do especially if he seems ok and settled and recovering. You dont sit with a child at home sick just staring at them until dawn breaks. You sleep at the hospital too.

Gosh OP it must be a terrible break for him to be admitted for so long. Is he pending an operation so can't recover at home with a cast?
Totally agree with the PP, your husband needs to be the one bearing the brunt of the hospital stay while you deal with your other child. you are not much help to your son if you are feeling terribly sick, unrested and at risk of an early labour. All the best to you all.

The hospital doesn't owe you a duty of care , as such, as you're only there to keep your son company, in effect.
That you had hyperemesis is neither here nor there , particularly as you said it was several months ago.

Your partner needs to take turns with you.

You can leave your child for a while.
You should be able to find a decent meal or have your partner, relative, friend bring one.

The hospital isn't obliged to find you a bed with a Hypnos mattress.

It's not a great situation but I'm not sure what you expect.

I’m sorry you are struggling but it’s for your family / friends to step up and help you out , you are not the patient . Best idea is probably for you to go home overnight and just do the day shifts and let your husband do all the nights .

Be there during the day with a bag of snacks. Go home at a reasonable hour and sleep at home while your dh stays overnight.

What exactly do you expect the hospital to provide to cater to your pregnancy needs?

Assuming he's in an NHS hospital? Its not because the staff do not care about you, but they simply do not have the resources to treat / feed / house anyone else beyond their patients.

Single parent to two boys.

DS2 was in hospital with asthma attacks a few times. Admittedly older than 3, but with ds1 to look after as well I used to be on the ward during the day and then leave in the evening, to take care of ds1 overnight.

There were definitely the odd child or two on the ward who didn't have parents there during the day. One of whom was only about 2

It wasn't ideal, but the nurses understood us parents were doing the best that we could.

Why does he need to be in hospital for 3 weeks for a broken leg?? Why dont you sleep at home?? Why do you want 3 kids but also say "We have a daughter at home to care for and not a massive amount of family support". So basically you are already exhausted with 2 kids snd not a lot of support. Family isnt your help system. It should be you and dh that manage to raise your own kids though.

Just go home .sleep well. Come back to during visiting hours. Really dont understand why you are there too. And why they even allow it. Its not like they aren't overworked enough and now they have to cater after poor you.

I found the same when my DS was in hospital (luckily for a much shorter period). No concern that I couldn’t leave him to get food (he is 1) or go to the toilet. Clean sheets just handed to me when he peed on the bed (after repeated requests for them. It was a very sorry and uncaring place. I wasn’t pregnant but I felt vulnerable and exhausted by the end of it. Your husband doing more hospital time (at night) is definitely the way to go.

I do sympathise OP, but I'm not really sure what you want them to do that would actually be reasonable. They don't owe you a duty of care because you are not their patient. I really think this is a problem for you to resolve with your DH, not by complaining to the hospital.

@Okaaaay of course you could have left your 1 year old child to go to the loo. Toilets are never far away in a children's ward. Probably closer to his bed than your bathroom at home is to your living room.
I am also suprised you couldn't go and get food. A 1 year old would sleep in the day. You would have just needed to let a member of staff know you've left the ward.
On one of my hospital stays with my daughter the mum of a very very chatty toddler was practically shoved out the ward door with a "right get yourself down to Costa while you can" when chatty boy fell asleep.
During Covid when just one parent was allowed to stay we all had a special pass to show to hospital security if we needed to leave the ward go to the onsite M+S or Costa. They didn't expect you to stay on the ward 24/7.
It is really helpful for a parent to stay with their child - but they don't hold you prisoner on the ward.

Tell them how awful you feel and ask for a side room. There’s no harm in asking.

I am frankly amazed by
(1) the people who are saying with no knowledge of what it’s like having a sick child in hospital that the OP should be leaving her 3 year old to fend for themselves.
(2) the lack of sympathy for the OP. Hold on in there @buttercuplizzy - it’s tough but it will get better. Lean on you DP and anyone else that will help.