To expect the hospital to be more considerate of pregnant mums?

[buttercuplizzy]

My 3 year old son broke his leg 2 weeks ago and has been in hospital since. He is expected to be in hospital another week.

I cannot fault the care my Son has received, it has been exceptional. But I am 30 weeks pregnant and I'm at breaking point. I suffered badly from Hypermesis, which has been under control for several months now. But the lack of sleep, proper food, stress etc is having such a toll on my body. My nausea and sickness has come back and I just feel broken and at the point I am worrying about the health of myself and baby....

Am I sounding melodramatic? We have a daughter at home to care for and not a massive amount of family support. I am struggling with the lack of sleep, caused by being on a busy ward with lots of middle of the night admittance. Im struggling with the physical care my son needs. Im struggling with the poor diet.

I understand my son, and not me, is the patient. But surely they have a duty of care towards pregnant women? Im exhausted, how can I respectfully raise this with staff? I just feel like I need more help and a quieter environment- not sure if either are possible. Or any other solutions- me and my husband are currently doing alternating 24 hour shifts.

If your DH is a good sleeper why doesn't he do all the nights? I know my DH and most of my friends' would sleep through the night on a hospital ward while I would get 2 or 3 hrs sleep max. Then it won't affect his work either, assuming he works.

Providing he'll actually wake of course...

During my stay with my toddler, there were several occasions when heavier sleeping dads slept through their child calling for them, and had to be woken by one of the nurses/other parents.

Many competent dads who did wake of course, but those aren't likely to be there ones who got a decent night sleep in comparison to when the mum was staying.

The lack of sympathy for a pregnant woman with hyperemesis on here is astounding.

In most other developed countries OPs son would be in a side room to facilitate her staying or staffing levels would be sufficient to allow her to not be there 24/7.

I've had hyperemesis OP and can't imagine how you are coping with that. Tiredness and stress makes it worse, I don't think most people have any idea how horrific HG is.

@WishILivedInThrushGreen

Sorry ignore that @WishILivedInThrushGreen

@Gruffling the OP isn't the patient though.
Yes she is suffering..but she doesn't need to be making it worse by staying with her child over night. She doesn't need too. Her husband can do it.
The experience I have had over the last few years staying with my daughter in 3 different NHS hospitals on various different wards including during the strict covid lockdown times has been nothing but fantastic for what they offer to allow parents to stay.
I have been grateful every single time.

Yes, several other developed countries may have the resources to provide these extra services of care but this is the UK, and the NHS is at breaking point (although I grew up in NZ and their public health system is dire straits too).

I am sympathetic to the OP and I would love to see her being offered a bed but the NHS cannot magic up a bed out of thin air, the NHS simply does not have enough funding to provide these extra services and care. If you want better healthcare, then use your democratic right.

Op? Any of this making sense?

@FlatWhiteLover the OP will have been offered a bed. Usually a fold up camp bed.
Children's wards are well equipped for parents staying. Fold up beds and bedding provided. Parents room with fridge, kettle, microwave etc. Shower facilities available for parents.

I think you have a strange idea of what a hospital is and how it functions in today’s environment. Perhaps your husband can stay with your son and you can go home.

More help and a quieter environment means you should have invested in private health care.

Unfortunately you didn’t.

You aren’t the patient and you get no special treatment. What exactly do you want them to do?

I do understand the disruption as I was in with mine last year for several nights and it was horrible. You just need some more home comforts and some earplugs to help block out most of noise, eye mask for light etc.

I hope your son recovering, sounds like a nasty injury.

Yep, this is all true. A bed is brought to be by the side of your child’s bed each evening, and taken away each morning.

This is simply not true.
Children’s inpatient wards
are just that - wards. What is this private room per child of which you speak?

It’s simply not the case in most developed m countries.

I feel bad for the OP - but she is not the patient and this is not down to the NHS to sort.

It's primarily the father of your child's job to be sympathetic to your pregnancy- so why isn't he there every night and giving you a rest? If he has to work during the day, no reason he can't stay overnight and care for/ sleep with your toddler. Your exhaustion and frustration is aimed in the wrong direction.....

American hospital rooms are 1 or 2 patients. Canada doesn't have wards either, though not all rooms are private. And in neither country are parents expected to provide 24/7 care, though there are beds for parents except in PICU. They certainly wouldn't put your other kids in foster care if you couldn't be there 24/7! (I am frankly sceptical that this would happen in the UK TBH)

With respect OP, you are not the patient.

Really don't understand why it's OP in the hospital and not the dad? Or at least OP doing days and dad doing nights

NHS Hospitals aren't hotels

Go to the hospital so that he can get 7 to 8 hours of sleep, but he has to do the stay. You bring food and everything and he goes to sleep/ It's not your place. Every other day you migh stay a bit longer. You are pregnant, if have to get to the end of this pregnancy with a little bit of energy. Sleepless night are ahead and inevitable and you will have the brunt of it. ( your body will have to recover).

Not sure what the hospital can do? They don’t have spare beds / side rooms for pregnant mums. As others have said you need to look to family & friends for help. Most hospitals have kitchens for parents, they did when my daughter was admitted, so take in proper food for your shift / prepare some when you’re on the home shift. It’s not ideal but what can be done? Children can’t be left in hospital alone, nurses don’t have the capacity to watch a 3yr old. Your husband needs to step up more if possible (appreciate he probably needs to work) - grandparents? Godparents? Close friends. Reach out for help - I’m sure people would love to help if you tell them what you need

Don’t kick someone when their down.

Overnight on the paedeatric ward my son was on there was 1 nurse and 0.5 HCA for 8 patients, who were not necessarily all in the same room. This makes it important that you stay with a young child away from home as the staff don't have the capacity to attend to each child promptly, let alone constantly supervise children

I'm in Australia and the FREE care my children have received in public hospitals has included private rooms, somewhere for me to sleep, and once admitted to the ward, food and drink for me as well as the child. The NHS doesn't have to be shit, and saying it does is giving in to despair. The comment about private care was especially chilling--that's what they want you to think so the NHS can remain underfunded as those who would do anything about it can opt out.

It sounds hellish, thankfully only had to stay a few nights with DS but that nearly drove me to the brink. I agree with others that surely one solution is for your DH to pull more of the slack- I'd also speak to the ward manager and your midwife and explain how you're feeling and what can be done.

We’ve had other family members help in almost like rota systems when a child has been in long term.is that not an option? Can dad do more?
I work in a paeds ward and we are currently really busy right now it’s been non stop for months, I’m sure staff have sympathy for mum and would like to help more but if it’s anything like us they just won’t have much time. We’ve had some really sick children in needing very close care and often short on staff.

Side rooms are currently busy with Rsv, covid, other contagious infections and tiny babies. We wouldn’t have any spare to give a break from a busy ward. Our play specialist could help sit and do an activity with the child to give mum a break but not while mum went home they also are busy. Care assistants or student nurses could also sit with a patient while mum got a food or drink break.

Plenty of children and babies are left alone in hospital, lots of family circumstances dictate this. It isn’t ideal and that child won’t have 24/7 staff with them but we do our best. Social services don’t get involved that’s ridiculous. Unless said child was abandoned of course.

@knitnerd90 actually yes if it was a major emergency that a parent had to stay in hospital and there was no one else to take care of any children then social services would "put them in foster care" - there are emergency short term foster carers who exist exactly for situations like that.