To ask if your DH or DP still goes down on you?

[HonestAnswersOnly]

DH used to when we were dating. Then he tailed off as we became a proper couple. He hasn't done it once since we married 6 years ago.

I've made comments, joked about it, he says sure. Bit it's all funny. And then we have sex and he goes absolutely no where near it. Just wham bam thank you mam.

I could be more direct with my request but I'm fairly sure he actually really isn't keen on it and it makes me feel ashamed that he would need to be persuaded into it.

Not looking for relationship advice (though fuck knows I need it)...just intrigued to find out if it still happens for other women in long term relationships?

Or do all men stop when they think they don't have to anymore?

You lucky things! My sex life was like this in first lockdown when we were still quite new. 2 years on and its tailed off to a handful of times this year. We do have a little baby but I don't think that's a good enough excuse 😔

He's desperate to but I won't let him very often. I don't return the favour either. Fairly gross either way.

you are!

This feels like a bit of a bait and switch maybe? He did it when he needed to, but not too lazy and self centered to do things you like.

It's his choice of course, but I'd feel very unhappy in such a situation.

If I was in your shoes and “the chat” hadn’t really worked, I’d then take matters into my own hands.

Pick a day that you regularly seem to have sex on, and make sure that you drink plenty of water that day (this dilutes everything, making things more palatable for partners who aren’t naturally gagging for it) and eat lots of fruit (people swear by pineapple, but I think any sweet fruit works). Avoid anything that may make you taste stronger (curry, onions, garlic etc) and seduce him.

Head into a 69 position so that he’s receiving pleasure whilst pleasuring you. The reciprocity will be a good “opener” until you gradually move into just sitting on his face.

If that doesn’t work for any reason, and oral is something that you very much enjoy, have a more direct conversation with him about it. If you find bringing it up tricky, you could start out by asking him if there’s anything that he’s into that you guys haven’t yet tried, or what he enjoys most during sex. He’s more likely to be receptive to you if he’s already a bit turned on by talking about what he likes.

I’d also give him a specific scenario where you’d like him to give you oral, I.e. I’d love you to surprise me by giving me oral when I’m in the kitchen making a cup of tea. Men are visual so if you add in details/help paint the picture for him (ie “whilst I’m wearing a dress and lace knickers” etc.) it should help him to get excited about doing it.

The fact that he did it in the early days shows that he must like it to some extent, but has just got a bit lazy/complacent, so hopefully these tips will help spark his imagination and get him back into it.

Good luck, OP! No need to be unsatisfied.

Yes he does. 15 years together and 3 kids. I'm not sure what advice I could give really, if he doesn't want too then I guess it's just how it is. If you're not happy then maybe a more Frank discussion about it or just encourage a more spicy night and really put all your effort with him in the hopes it encourages him? 69? Best of luck.

Not everyone likes the same sex acts and I don't think anyone has a duty to perform a certain way. I know women who don't give blowjobs. However it doesn't seem like he is focused on your pleasure. There are many ways to focus on you without oral sex. Toys and fingers are both available.

If he was spending time and effort on ensuring your pleasure and sexual satisfaction - then great, you have to accept no oral sex if he doesn't want to do it. But if he only cares about himself and is selfish - you have a problem that even oral sex won't solve.

My DH definitely would but I'm not keen. If he's not keen on the actual act but isn't being lazy, then a vibrator can be used instead.

Pretty much every time other than real quickies (male, pushing into my 50s).

And that’s been true with every long term partner, even where oral’s not been reciprocated. I enjoy giving it, although good downstairs hygiene is a definite plus in that respect!

i have never met a man who dosent like a woman going down on him.

Personally I wouldn't like to be with someone who didn't do this - for whatever reason. It would be a turn off for me that my partner wouldn't go down there. Especially if they expected it. Sadly I have heard this so many times from friends. It reeks of patriarchial bull$hit.

How many men have you met that you know intimately enough to discuss their oral sex preferences? I think for most people, that is a relatively small sample size compared to the number of men out there.

^^ not in every case. I’ve had one or two ONS in the distant past where her technique’s been a little… toothy… to be enjoyable 😬

My dp loves it, I'm really not a fan 🤦🏻‍♀️
Don't get me wrong, it's alright, but there are so many other things I prefer in bed.

I hate attitudes like this. Fair enough that you don't want to give or receive, that's fine. But don't get all judgy about others doing something perfectly normal.

DP still very keen to oblige in this area, after 19 years together. He really likes doing it.

If he didn’t enjoy it I wouldn’t expect him to do it, obviously. But I would expect him to make an effort in other ways instead.

DH still does. Not every time we have sex. But if oral is involved for one it means we are definitely both getting a turn. However, if we are getting 5 minutes while kids are occupied downstairs on their tablets, then no. We ain't got time for that foreplay stuff lol 😆

Yes. Been together nearly 17 years and he still doesnt need any persuading.

DH goes down on me almost every time and we've been together 30 years. We both love it.

If you had a good sex life before marriage and he's now just 'wham bam thank you mam' then it appears he thinks he has to make no effort whatsoever now you are married which is horrible.

It would be a dealbreaker for me

If you’re not into it, that’s fine, but no need to call it ‘gross’. It’s a really normal and natural part of sex.

I'm in the same boat as the OP, our sex life is currently non-existent but even when it is in a bit of a better phase he doesn't do it. I don't think he really likes doing it and obviously I'm not going to push him into it. He's not got a particularly high sex drive and is also quite squeamish.

I've not slept with tons of other guys before him but my experience was that they all enjoyed doing it.

I do feel quite sad about it all to be honest but I don't want to guilt trip him or make him feel forced to do something he's not comfortable with.

I did LOL at the PP shagging like mad when both working from home... DH and I are basically on teams calls all day long and not sure our colleagues would appreciate appreciate it 😂

10 years in and my dp still does it, he enjoys it as he's the only one to ever make me orgasm with it.

Yes he does and doesn’t stop after I cum first time either he keeps going, it regularly gets to 30 minutes plus. Him giving me oral sex is my absolute favourite thing and he knows it, he enjoys giving it to me before we have sex. We 69 regularly also but he will always go down on me first until I have cum a few times as he doesn’t last long when receiving a blow job and wants me to be satisfied. I am not sure I could stay in a relationship with someone who didn’t, I only cum through oral, sex when I am on top but that is know where near as intense feeling or if we make a scissored V and I masturbate while he is pumping inside me this way gives a good orgasm but we can’t kiss which we both enjoy

I must be a total prude because I hate it. DH would gladly do it but I just can’t stand the feeling! Intensely ticklish and completely unsexy! 😂 Sensing I’m in the minority on here.

why?