To ask if your DH or DP still goes down on you?

[HonestAnswersOnly]

DH used to when we were dating. Then he tailed off as we became a proper couple. He hasn't done it once since we married 6 years ago.

I've made comments, joked about it, he says sure. Bit it's all funny. And then we have sex and he goes absolutely no where near it. Just wham bam thank you mam.

I could be more direct with my request but I'm fairly sure he actually really isn't keen on it and it makes me feel ashamed that he would need to be persuaded into it.

Not looking for relationship advice (though fuck knows I need it)...just intrigued to find out if it still happens for other women in long term relationships?

Or do all men stop when they think they don't have to anymore?

I can’t remember the last time he did. It doesn’t stop him asking me for a bj though 🙄

My DH will do it at his own instigation but I rarely cum from it so am not that fussed. I'd rather he make me cum in other ways. I really don't like giving oral sex. It just makes me gag.

Yes, often. We've been together six years and have a young DC. Your partner sounds really selfish OP life is too short for shit sex.

I sympathise OP. My husband became less interested in sex about 5 - 6 years ago and would avoid it, giving lots of excuses and staying up later than me most nights. He didn't like me initiating so eventually I gave up. It became very infrequent and rather lacklustre.
We've been completely sexless for 2.5 years now and in separate rooms.
I've tried to make it work for the kids' sake but it just doesn't. We aren't affectionate at all now and argue more and I'm resentful. I'm going to be completely skint but I've now had enough and we're starting the divorce process. Being celibate all this time has made me snappy and irritable and affected my confidence no end. I'm late 30s and feel like I'm too young to just give up on a sex life.
He has always viewed porn regularly and I suspect he has an addiction. He won't get help though.

@HonestAnswersOnly

”This is probably another thread...but how many of you would leave a marriage for this? Lose your kids up to 50% of the time, lose your home, be alone, disrupt your kids lives all so you can cum. I've always found I prefer alone time anyway.”

Your happiness is every bit as important as your kids happiness.

Dont stay with him just for your kids sake.

I will say this to you as someone who lost their husband mid 30's, you only have 1 life, live it for you. And also as a child of parents who stayed together for the children, children know, it affects them, don't do it. Never settle.

When you say can smell, you have a wash first of course.

Ten or so years ago, I would have thought that were I in a sexless marriage, then the relationship would have been over.

But as I have no desire at all now, then I just don't miss it as there is no feeling for sex at all. Luckily, my husband is understanding, though I don't know whether this is a permanent situation for him

I think it’s probably not helpful to compare what others do - there will always be people who have a lot more sex than you and those who have less. What matters is that you both have the same sex drive because the problems arise when you don’t. My first marriage was like that. I’m happily married now and we happily ‘get it on‘ as much as we can and we don’t find anything ‘off putting’.

If id stayed in the my first marriage I’d have been miserable, been a crappy mum and missed out on the life - and sex - I have now. Think about what you want and need. Because although this thread started out as a sex thread it’s probably a lot more than that.

I never liked giving BJ's and never liked them for myself although I did give them to please my DH for the first couple of years. Before marriage I didn't do oral.
I got together with my now OH in 2013 (we don't live together) and I said that BJ's to and from were off the menu, just to make it clear before we started the relationship. He was and is absolutely fine with that.

Not sure if this is allowed but it seems appropriate for people looking for resources.

instagram.com/drjaneguyn?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

Mumsnetters who want more from their relationships…Please check out my friend’s Insta page (she’s also on FB but I’m not so can’t share). Dr Jane is not only a Dr of Sex Therapy but also a nurse and just a generally really good human and a personal friend.

Dr Jane Guyn is based in Oregon in the USA. She conducts therapy via Zoom.

Best of luck.

admin please delete if not appropriate.

@dottypotter

of course!

I always do beforehand and ask my DP to do so too. it’s no big deal just something we always do.

Although on here some get offended if their DP asks them to wash beforehand. No idea why, it’s common sense 🤷‍♀️

OP you're not alone... My partner (been together 15 years) doesn't do it. I'm joining you with the crying in to my pillow after reading what I'm also clearly missing out on! I kind of just got used to it and assumed it was normal to have a partner not want to do it (by that I mean to respect that sometimes people don't like doing it). :(

Mine does each and every time. Been together 6 years. He loves it more than me I think (and I love it!). I had crap crap sex with my exH and in the end I didn't even want to be touched by him (partly resentment as he was a classic man and did fack all wrt: housework/childcare/passive behaviour when it came to planning family stuff etc). I left (mostly because of the sex tbh, I just wanted to have bloody good sex and a better relationship all round even though he had many good points. So glad I did. Being 50/50 with the kids is actually OK, I have a much more rounded social life and a brilliant DP (who loves oral!!!) and EXDH has stepped up massively when it comes to parenting since we split. I appreciate I'm lucky that things have worked out. There are shitty downsides too but on the whole it was a good move. Although I did feel ultra guilty for breaking up a family for what I felt at the time were selfish reasons, ultimately it wasn't selfish at all and we're all much happier. He's met someone new. My DP is practically perfect in every way and the kids are settled and happy.

Yes pretty much every time after 10 years and 2 children together

Yes every time we have sex. It’s his favourite part of sex. He is excellent but if I’m completely honest I’m not fussed by him going down on me. We use various sex toys too. I do really enjoy pleasing him back so it is a two way thing but I would be happy just sucking his cock and then having penetration etc.

Sorry your hubby doesn’t seem keen on it - I’d def discuss it during sex. We must remember we are all different and maybe he just doesn’t enjoy it, nothing to do with you just him.

8/10 times
which is generous because I don’t give 😅

I'm shocked at the number of women who aren't getting it, I couldn't be with someone who didn't go down on me !

It’s a constant he loves it

50:50 time with the kids is a good thing as well!

its a guarantee you get some time for you to do what you want which isn’t always a given when you’re in a relationship and live with their dad

😂

Mine does but hes an initiator... I have little to no sex drive.

You need to talk to him that his way of sex isn’t couple sex it is wham bang / him doing what he enjoys but not mutually satisfying

Never had a man go down on me. Even in my 7 year relationship, he'd say it makes him feel sick thinking about it. I'm very self conscious about down there as I struggle with odor (tmi) even though I like to think I have good hygiene practices..

Best is to ask him and see what he says and also if anything can be altered (you are happy with too) to help.