To ask if your DH or DP still goes down on you?

[HonestAnswersOnly]

DH used to when we were dating. Then he tailed off as we became a proper couple. He hasn't done it once since we married 6 years ago.

I've made comments, joked about it, he says sure. Bit it's all funny. And then we have sex and he goes absolutely no where near it. Just wham bam thank you mam.

I could be more direct with my request but I'm fairly sure he actually really isn't keen on it and it makes me feel ashamed that he would need to be persuaded into it.

Not looking for relationship advice (though fuck knows I need it)...just intrigued to find out if it still happens for other women in long term relationships?

Or do all men stop when they think they don't have to anymore?

No, but we don’t really have sex anymore. We are still affectionate have a hug at bedtime but unfortunately no sex for a long time.

Mine would love to, but I've come to accept I just don't like it - nothing to do with what he/any other guy has ever done, I'm just one of those women it doesn't do anything for!

That's true. Sorry you're in that position. How old are your DCs? Do you think you can manage it until they turn 18?

Your partner’s behaviour and attitudes suggest he has hang-ups that need therapy.

I have to say, I wouldn’t be having sex with a man who took a ‘wham bam, thank you mam’ approach. My pleasure is important to me and it damn well better remain important to him if he wants an ongoing sexual relationship with me! So he’d either go into therapy to address his issues or it would be goodbye from me.

By the way, I’m 63 and my DH is 68. Your pleasure won’t ever stop being important.

I'm happy to do this for my wife but sadly she doesn't seem interested in anything like this nowadays (or have any interest in what I might want/like either) 😢

I think the fact that he doesn’t want to go down on you isn’t a big deal.

just in the same way it wouldn’t be if you didn’t like giving blowjobs.

Lets face it genitals aren’t pretty by any stretch of the imagination. And if not kept v clean they can smell etc. As such I certainly don’t think he is gay just cos he doesn’t want to lick a vag. I know that might cause outrage for some on here who believe their husband should luuuuurve going down on them all the time. Some of those men who say it will just be saying it because that’s what you want to hear

What is an issue though is the rest of it - the quick shag with no regard for your pleasure. That’s deffo a problem he needs to sort out

and don’t stick with him just for the kids OP

Again a bit controversial to say on mumsnet but you are every bit as important as them and deserve to be happy

Him not liking giving oral is one thing, making zero effort and not giving you an orgasm first is just a complete level of shitness.

@LuckySantangelo35 You know...without derailing a thread that's about oral sex into something far less cheery...

I think about that question "why did you marry him" a lot

I was in my early 30s. Job going really well. Great social life. Just bought my first flat. And really wanted a baby. And felt I was missing something. And I loved being with him. But I do feel sad that I felt I needed a man rather than just crack on solo.

My husband does every time cuz he appreciates that most women come from clit stir rather than vag action, additionally he know he’s gets more fun if I’m more turned on & that it’s only fair if his O is a foregone conclusion that he put some effort into mine
I’m lucky I guess?

I think you should hold back on some sex until you get some fun how you like it, not how he wants to give it!
failing that, suction toys are AMAZING!

Jesus how depressing. I'd be pushing myself right back off again, pointing him in the direction of the bathroom for a wank and getting out my vibrator. Plenty of marriages survive without sex but you need to have a bloody good relationship in all other areas for this.

Yes, we have been together for 15 years married for 9 years, DH really enjoys it so do it a fair bit. But in general he puts a lot of effort in in the bedroom, We're both fond of a toy or two.

I'd have a serious chat with him, Wham bam thank you mam sounds a very dull way to maintain intimacy in a marriage.

@MermaidEyes You're right. It is depressing.

This is probably another thread...but how many of you would leave a marriage for this? Lose your kids up to 50% of the time, lose your home, be alone, disrupt your kids lives all so you can cum. I've always found I prefer alone time anyway.

But I do feel sad that I felt I needed a man rather than just crack on solo

This is the exact reason why so many women put up with shitty husbands and partners. Because they feel any man is better than no man. I have 2 recently divorced friends. Both knew before they ever got married that their relationship wasn't good but they carried on anyway, because in one friends words 'I guess I was desperate to get married'. Twenty years later they finally admitted they could stand it no longer and realised just how many years they wasted with the wrong person.

The number of responses saying male partners do it and love it has been heart-warming. Well done, those chaps!

I'm a lesbian so it's a cornerstone of my sex life.

Really?! This would be a very different thread if DH was threatening this if OP didn't do something sexual that she didn't enjoy.

Just ask him why he doesn't do it. He might not enjoy it.

I suppose the answer to this question depends on what the rest of your marriage is like. If it's perfect in every other area then I guess sex is just a very small part of it. But if you're having a lot of other issues then maybe it's time for some serious thinking.

I like it - husband does too, we have sex fairly regular- 3/4 times a week. He hates me going down on him tho so there are other things I do that he like.

My husband hates it. I love it. He hasn’t done it in about 15 years though.

@MermaidEyes I was the first person to always tell any of my girlfriends they were better off alone than with the wrong bloke....I guess I just didn't believe it myself. I do care about him deeply and we have lots of fun together. I laugh every day. But im in 30s still (just) and it seems like an awful long time ahead of me in some ways with him....I didn't really believe there were husbands out there still taking the time on this stuff...sex, romance etc....apparently I was very wrong.

I'm not in a relationship at the moment, but in my last long term relationship of 5 years my partner loved doing it and we had a healthy abundant sex life, even though I was in my mid 50s when we met and he was 8 years younger. I returned the favour occasionally, as he wasn't bothered about it. I was married for 25 years and my husband never did it, apart from a 2 second attempt on our wedding night which he obviously hated. It wasn't until I was divorced and had other relationships that I realised what I was missing! Your husband sounds selfish and you should tell him that is what you want. Some men just seem to stop trying and sex becomes boring/a chore.

Shower?

I don't think he ever has. He said he did once, but I don't remember it. Our sex life is pretty non- existent though.