Page 10 | To ask if your DH or DP still goes down on you?

HonestAnswersOnly · 2022-06-25T12:00:53+00:00

DH used to when we were dating. Then he tailed off as we became a proper couple. He hasn't done it once since we married 6 years ago. I've made comments, joked about it, he says sure. Bit it's all funny. And then we have sex and he goes absolutely no where near it. Just wham bam thank you mam. I could be more direct with my request but I'm fairly sure he actually really isn't keen on it and it makes me feel ashamed that he would need to be persuaded into it. Not looking for relationship advice (though fuck knows I need it)...just intrigued to find out if it still happens for other women in long term relationships? Or do all men stop when they think they don't have to anymore?

TheDoveFromAboveCooCoo · 26/06/2022 16:07

Sisisimone · 26/06/2022 15:49

LuckySantangelo35 I'm his first and only sexual partner. He worries about doing it wrong!!
Ever thought of just telling him to try and you'll let him know if he is? If you can't experiment with your long term partner there's something wrong.

He also doesn't like me reciprocating because "it feels disrespectful from the mother of his children" apparently??? I think he watched too much porn before he met me
So much wrong with this I dont even know where to begin

You think after 14 years I have never suggested he just try it?

He doesn't like it and I'm not going to ask my husband to do something sexually that he doesn't like.

MurderAtTheBeautyPageant · 26/06/2022 16:16

DoamnaSmecher · 25/06/2022 17:10

No. Says he doesn’t like it so won’t do it. Haven’t had sex for three years either as he doesn’t want that either. He has ED but won’t go to a doctor as he thinks they will give him testosterone snd he doesn’t want to go bald. He said if it was the choice between never having sex again or keeping his hair, he’d keep his hair. Not sure where that leaves me though…

wow, that's some crazy shit.

If he's taken sex out of the relationship entirely well then he can't get upset if you seek sex elsewhere. I'd bail on the marriage entirely tbh.

LuckySantangelo35 · 26/06/2022 17:14

MurderAtTheBeautyPageant · 26/06/2022 16:16

wow, that's some crazy shit.

If he's taken sex out of the relationship entirely well then he can't get upset if you seek sex elsewhere. I'd bail on the marriage entirely tbh.

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@MurderAtTheBeautyPageant

i think he should go to doctor to see what the options are

but if he is told to take testosterone and it could make him lose his hair then I totally get why he wouldn’t want to it

would you risk losing you hair in order to keep having penetrative sex?

MurderAtTheBeautyPageant · 26/06/2022 17:18

@LuckySantangelo35If he'd rather avoid sex forever more rather than risk baldness then good luck to him.

But I wouldn't be sticking around wasting my life on such a man. Sex may be no big deal to you but a sexless marriage would not be something I'd be signing up to.

Original poster

HonestAnswersOnly · 26/06/2022 17:23

Wow. I thought I was at the dry end of things....but I had no idea so many couples still have regular and varied sex. I knew things were bad in my relationship but I thought more normal than apparently it is. I remember boyfriends going down on me on the morning before getting up for the day but that kind of things feel unimaginable to me now. We both just lie there arguing about whose turn it is to get up with the kids

He doesn't like periods. Used to put his head in hands during pregnancy check ups. He just gives the impression he finds bodily stuff a bit icky.

It's my own fault for pretending to enjoy his selfish approach to sex of climb on top and bang away or flip me over sad bang away .

I have wondered if he was gay but I see no other evidence. We have plenty of male guy friends and he's been very drunk around them and shows them no attention

OP posts:

ChocolateCakeYum · 26/06/2022 17:25

I've known guys who eat pussy like it's an Olympic sport. Sadly my husband is not one of them.

He's done it once in the 10+ years we've been together.

He won't do it and won't discuss it. He has a very childish attitude towards it actually (and sex in general) and squirms and giggles like an idiot if I bring it up. I think he thinks it's gross. He's very vanilla tho and everything has to be done his way. Mr Missionary (which he's very good at I admit but sometimes I want to change things up a bit).

His attitude has caused a LOT of problems.

Sigh.

MurderAtTheBeautyPageant · 26/06/2022 17:26

It's my own fault for pretending to enjoy his selfish approach to sex of climb on top and bang away or flip me over sad bang away

You need to start being honest and say 'this doesn't work for me, this has never worked for me. No idea why I didn't say anything until now'.

Life is long and you sound young, you don't want this to be it for however many decades to come.

Honest conversations are always the way to go.

TheDoveFromAboveCooCoo · 26/06/2022 17:31

This reminds me - an ex boyfriend from my late teens used to love doing it but he was really bad at it!!

The third time I fell asleep during oral he stopped doing it altogether 😂

IfIhearmumagaintoday · 26/06/2022 17:35

You still haven't said weather you give your DH oral @HonestAnswersOnly ?

user1472151176 · 26/06/2022 17:53

My dh doesn't very often maybe once every couple of months.
Maybe it's not you? Maybe it's him? If he doesn't feel confident about doing it possibly.

LuckySantangelo35 · 26/06/2022 18:00

MurderAtTheBeautyPageant · 26/06/2022 17:18

@LuckySantangelo35If he'd rather avoid sex forever more rather than risk baldness then good luck to him.

But I wouldn't be sticking around wasting my life on such a man. Sex may be no big deal to you but a sexless marriage would not be something I'd be signing up to.

@MurderAtTheBeautyPageant

sex is a big deal to me but equally so is my my appearance and feeling good about myself.

Which funnily enough is also tied into sex.

If he was to lose his hair and feel shit and unsexy it’s hardly gonna work wonders for their sex life is it even if he can get it up!

I dunno, I just think - I wouldn’t be prepared to risk losing my hair in order to have penetrative intercourse so why should I expect a man to?

contrary to what a lot of people think lots of men are every bit as upset by balding as a woman would be and clearly OPs husband is one of them.

MurderAtTheBeautyPageant · 26/06/2022 18:05

Whatever! That's fine.

But I'm guessing most women would not be cool with a man who says 'can never have sex again as I don't want to fix my ED in case the medication causes my hair to fall out. xxx'

If a woman is cool with that then fine, but please, surely no one can be surprised if her answer is 'you want me to give up sex forever for the sake of your hair? lol no. See ya'.

You'd be okay with the sexless marriage

I wouldn't.

Original poster

HonestAnswersOnly · 26/06/2022 18:08

@IfIhearmumagaintoday Yes, used to a lot. Not so much these days. Because he tends to pull me on top of him on the sofa and be done in 2 mins...and he doesn't seem keen on anything that prolongs the whole thing to be honest. He's pretty small though and so I don't get much of anything so I'm happy to keep it short too. The whole thing is bit depressing

OP posts:

JacquelineCarlyle · 26/06/2022 18:09

Sounds grim @HonestAnswersOnly - I hope you're ok & happy in other ways as that's a miserable life to have! You deserve a loving, sexually satisfying relationship.

LuckySantangelo35 · 26/06/2022 18:11

MurderAtTheBeautyPageant · 26/06/2022 18:05

Whatever! That's fine.

But I'm guessing most women would not be cool with a man who says 'can never have sex again as I don't want to fix my ED in case the medication causes my hair to fall out. xxx'

If a woman is cool with that then fine, but please, surely no one can be surprised if her answer is 'you want me to give up sex forever for the sake of your hair? lol no. See ya'.

You'd be okay with the sexless marriage

I wouldn't.

@MurderAtTheBeautyPageant

a lack of penetration doesn’t have to mean a sexless marriage. Use your imagination.

And that woman may find herself dumped before she can say see ya, I’d certainly be getting rid of someone who told me I had to risk losing my hair.

What if you developed a condition which meant your vagina only worked and could facilitate sexual intercourse if you took some medication which would make your hair fall out. You didn’t want to take it but your DH wanted you to - he wants to have sex whether or not it makes your hair fall out and upsets you not. Do you honestly think that you would be Ok with him?!

MurderAtTheBeautyPageant · 26/06/2022 18:16

I like penetration. I like to fuck

I would not remain married to a man who refused to address erectile dysfunction because he was worried the medication would make his hair fall out.

Londoncallingme · 26/06/2022 18:18

DenholmElliot1 · 25/06/2022 13:02

Mine does every time I can't orgasm otherwise. And he does that first.

^This, been together 25yrs. I’d rather not bother with any of it tbh but he has a far stronger sex drive. I prefer Netflix. But yes, every time. However, we don’t kiss, not with tongues, that would be too intimate! 🤣

MurderAtTheBeautyPageant · 26/06/2022 18:19

What if you developed a condition which meant your vagina only worked and could facilitate sexual intercourse if you took some medication which would make your hair fall out. You didn’t want to take it but your DH wanted you to - he wants to have sex whether or not it makes your hair fall out and upsets you not. Do you honestly think that you would be Ok with him?!

If I didn't want to take the medication in case my hair fell out I'd be wise enough to realise I was asking him to accept a sexless marriage. I wouldn't want a sexless marriage and wouldn't expect my spouse to put up with one for the sake of...my hair. No.

LuckySantangelo35 · 26/06/2022 18:25

MurderAtTheBeautyPageant · 26/06/2022 18:19

What if you developed a condition which meant your vagina only worked and could facilitate sexual intercourse if you took some medication which would make your hair fall out. You didn’t want to take it but your DH wanted you to - he wants to have sex whether or not it makes your hair fall out and upsets you not. Do you honestly think that you would be Ok with him?!

If I didn't want to take the medication in case my hair fell out I'd be wise enough to realise I was asking him to accept a sexless marriage. I wouldn't want a sexless marriage and wouldn't expect my spouse to put up with one for the sake of...my hair. No.

@MurderAtTheBeautyPageant

i don’t know why you saying stuff like ‘for the sake of his hair’ or ‘for the sake of my hair’ as if losing your hair is no big deal!

in reality you’d be gutted if it happened and having sex would be the last thing you’d fancy

Original poster

HonestAnswersOnly · 26/06/2022 18:27

@JacquelineCarlyle Yeah - it is a bit grim. And I'm sure it won't get any better. He's no interest in it I don't think other than quickly getting off.

Problem is facing decades of terrible sex isn't appealing. But its still preferable to leaving him and losing the kids half the week.

Sometimes you gotta be pragmatic I guess.

OP posts:

Buythebag40 · 26/06/2022 18:30

Yes, my dh loves doing it luckily. I think I'd find it really off-putting if my partner didn't want to.

MurderAtTheBeautyPageant · 26/06/2022 18:32

in reality you’d be gutted if it happened and having sex would be the last thing you’d fancy

Wow, look at you telling me how I'd feel.

I'm not sure why you're badgering me on this issue. I would not be with a man who refused to address erectile dysfunction. The end.

Trixiefirecracker · 26/06/2022 18:36

It won’t get better if you don’t address it. I sometimes fail to under Why people that are intimate with one another feel so shy about discussing things amor let things ride( excuse the pun) for so long. I’m a firm believer everything can be worked on but you both need to communicate honestly about your likes and dislikes and work at making it right. Great sex doesn’t just happen for the most part, those that say it does have just been very lucky

LuckySantangelo35 · 26/06/2022 18:39

HonestAnswersOnly · 26/06/2022 18:08

@IfIhearmumagaintoday Yes, used to a lot. Not so much these days. Because he tends to pull me on top of him on the sofa and be done in 2 mins...and he doesn't seem keen on anything that prolongs the whole thing to be honest. He's pretty small though and so I don't get much of anything so I'm happy to keep it short too. The whole thing is bit depressing

@HonestAnswersOnly

it gets worse

how did you end up marrying this man?!

Crumpetloveliness · 26/06/2022 18:42

@HonestAnswersOnly in the same boat even down to the six year stint! We have two DC now and the last time we DTD was last year conceiving. I’m hoping when the DC are older and reliably don’t wake up we can reinvent things!