To have had enough of ‘be kind’

[Trainfromredhill]

DC (9)is at a school with a ‘be kind’ mantra. In her head at least this has taken hold as ‘I must be kind to all people at all times irrespective of how horrible they are to me or how uncomfortable they make me feel’.
Standing up for herself no longer appears to be allowed because it may upset the person who has upset her or made her feel uncomfortable, and that would be unkind. Fast forward a few years and I’m genuinely concerned that she will find herself unable to set boundaries for fear of appearing unkind.
has anyone else experienced similar?

No, you're pedantic.

@DashboardConfessional incidentally, I'm not wrong, because I hadn't seen that.

@Getoff yes. Yes. Yes. That was me too. All learned behavior from a strict Christian upbringing and a mother who at 74 STILL can’t say no. My DH gets a lot of credit for teaching me boundaries. Saying ‘no’ is fine, even if it’s not what someone else wants to hear. It’s not my job to sort everyone else’s life out. It’s not in our family’s best interests to spread myself wafer thin. But it’s still such a work in progress. No is a complete sentence and no explanation is required.

Right But @Trainfromredhill if someone else treats you badly, by that policy, is that OK then?

You are absolutely correct.

As for @placewherewebelong - are you expressing to someone who is working on self-confessed boundary issues that saying no is equivalent to treating someone "badly"?

@placewherewebelong . You mean if someone says to me they can’t help/meet up/whatever? Of course it’s ok. It’s sometimes disappointing but they aren’t obliged to help me. I overstretch myself and then my family suffers. They set boundaries and their family doesn’t.

No, what I mean is the no thing only works when youre in the driving seat. on that particular thread, the OP seemed to want friendship but with a list of 23 conditions

@placewherewebelong im not sure which other thread you mean.

I would prefer "be self aware" but that's a tall order.

I know somebody who equates kindness as generosity and she is generous, and 100% identifies as kind but she projects a lot, which is v hurtful, and if i say "im not paranoid, im not sensitive" then she martyrs up, hurt by my unkindness

So if the person lacks self awareness, Be Kind could mean anything Could mean 'allow me to put you down'. Or 'If i tell you who you are, just accept that projection'

Isn't it ironic that the phrase itself was coined on social media by a very vulnerable, tragic woman yet we ignore that because of her circumstances. So its OK to stand up for women until, well, we dont

would you say the same if gender was reversed?

Did she not smash a lamp off her boyfriend’s head?

Surely the school aren't using 'be kind' like the #bekind mantra, which many pp have assumed and are referring to.

Surely it's just that 'kindness' is one of their school values, for everyone.

I mean, I’m not for a media hounding and beating for anyone…but by all accounts she was a vicious sort, so the outpouring of piousness always seemed misplaced to me.
Funny, it was all the cowbags that jumped on it like a fly on shit. I’m a good person, honest. Be kind!

Kind people just are. They don’t advertise.

Caroline Flack did not coin the phrase Be Kind. Nor was she the originator of the saying “In a world where you can be anything, be kind”. That saying has been around for years. I first reported on it being used in schools in 2016.

Do men ever say be kind

They expect it from women, but no one says it to them, because no one tells men they are mean, and they think it's your problem even if you do.

"Be fair" is a much better message.

I struggle hugely with this, and yet if I politely stand up for myself, I'm difficult, uncooperative, or even aggressive. (I'm autistic, which in my case means a lack of automatic facial expressions - that seems to terrify NTs)

I'm in my 30s, and still don't understand why I have to be kind to others, and assume they are trying their best, but others do not have to be kind to me.

#bekind is something we just use when someone else being unreasonable in our own eyes and by our own standards.
Personally I never said it about Caroline Flack, she was charged with assault due to a domestic violence incident where she hit her partner round the head with a lamp. I'd expect any man to be charged for that horrific act. Especially someone in the public eye, you know things like will get in the paper ls etc.

But no one ever tags be kind when seeing comments on the Rochdale grooming gangs. Because we don't see why we should be kind to them, hence why I say we do it off our own standard and beliefs, or we'd do it to everyone.

(Mini rant over)

t Caroline Flack, she was charged with assault due to a domestic violence incident where she hit her partner round the head with a lamp. I'd expect any man to be charged for that horrific act. Especially someone in the public eye, you know things like will get in the paper ls etc.

Agree. I remember the CF threads. She didn't deserve death, that is a tragedy, and she clearly couldn't cope with the media and public reaction. But she did assault a man, a decade or more younger than her, apparently while he was sleeping. He may have forgiven her, and not wanted to prosecute but you hear of women who have been assaulted behaving similarly.

They expect it from women, but no one says it to them, because no one tells men they are mean, and they think it's your problem even if you do

bit of misandry eh? Read the threads on mn;there are as many dickhead women as there are men. People are people-gender isn't that relevant.

Surely it's just that 'kindness' is one of their school values, for everyone

exactly mn love to twist things way out of context; and the belond mantra is simply asking us all to be kind to each other-hardly an unreasonable request. Nowhere does it state that it implies it means it's only for females and is an excuse for male to abuse it-where the hell did mn get this from a simple bekind?