To have had enough of ‘be kind’

[Trainfromredhill]

DC (9)is at a school with a ‘be kind’ mantra. In her head at least this has taken hold as ‘I must be kind to all people at all times irrespective of how horrible they are to me or how uncomfortable they make me feel’.
Standing up for herself no longer appears to be allowed because it may upset the person who has upset her or made her feel uncomfortable, and that would be unkind. Fast forward a few years and I’m genuinely concerned that she will find herself unable to set boundaries for fear of appearing unkind.
has anyone else experienced similar?

Could you give me examples? I'm not trying to invalidate you.

Fast forward a few years and I’m genuinely concerned that she will find herself unable to set boundaries for fear of appearing unkind

I think that's a legitimate fear. Decades ago, a Christian upbringing taught me similar values. No-one spoke about when to say no. I was nearly in my 40's when I first came across the word "boundaries".

I have an example.

White British instagrammer is outed as having tweeted months worth of racism, ableism and general bile as a young adult. Disappears from social media for 6 months.

Comes back, complete with insincere apologies and #sponsorships.

Ex-followers express their discontent that she thinks she can come back like nothing happened and brush it under the carpet.

White blonde British fans (not the victims of her racism) say she didn't mean it, they forgive her on behalf of everyone else, and those people who are angry should #bekind.

I was bullied physically and mentally at school where the school had a “be kind” mentality and a “don’t hit back” policy when it came to bullying.

Their methods included not punishing bullies when reported but getting the bully and bullied in a room together to discuss issues in the presence of a teacher (that would always lead to more bullying) and if a person being bullied physically hit back, they were punished the same as the initial attacker.

Because I didn’t want to get into trouble at school, I just put up with it and became an easy target.

Then one day I decided I wouldn’t take it anymore. Someone was hitting me and I lost it and beat up my attacker.

Yes I was punished by the school but my parents didn’t give me a hard time. Most importantly, I was never bullied again by anyone.

When it comes to secondary, I will always be telling DD I have her back and she should not just put up with anything.

Surely everybody else is having to be kind too?

The mantra reflects how life works. In an office, if somebody says: " I wanted to use the copier. I'd only gone to speak to So-and-so for a second" , we smile and say: " I've only got ten pages!". Or, "I'll be quick and put them through en bloc" - or "I'll just do a few and do the rest after you". We don't stand and argue about it, or justify ourselves.
Being kind is always going to be good, and telling kids to stand up for themselves can lead to physical fights, when these confrontations escalate.

I know it isn't who you are talking about, but Molly Mae has been hammered for the past year. I haven't seen one person suggesting to be kind.

@TheMoth so if someone steals their pen, you don’t do anything about it? Sounds like you’re a massive part of the problem.

Read the thread?

Behave yourself. It's obvious what the PP meant.

I think women are coerced into being “kind” all the time. I expect DD to be polite and respectful to other people, these days “be kind” is usually a way to get women to drop their boundaries.

Being good is important, be ethical, be honest and trustworthy. Those are the things I hope to instil in DD.

Behave 😂? Assuming you work in the same school as PP with such a useless approach.
Another example of quiet kids being ignored for raising something by someone who should help them.

You've not looked very hard then.

I do think of course that generally woman are encouraged to be more passive and this is an issue and if be kind is part of that then it should go. Where I disagree is that in these sorts of threads it seems to go beyond that to encouraging kids to 'battle it out' or bemoaning that a school has a don't hit back approach or take no shit. Surely the obvious problem is that all children are not equally powerful to use a pp's phrase? So if you set you kids up to hit back twice as hard for instance and the bully just laughs where does the escalation end? The kids won't be learning boundaries they'll be learning the pecking order...

That said there is obviously a difference between being one being a bit tone deaf in interviews and the other tweeting "I just hate Indians and Polish people".

Yanbu

People who use the phrase tend to be the least kind people out there. They use it to mean "shut up and let me do what I want"

If you want a child who is kind, model it. Being kind doesn't have to be grand gestures and school age kids can do this too eg letting the person with a buggy enter the shop first, passing out the sweets before having one yourself.

yeah, I do.

We let folk do as they like to each other and sing "be kind" to the theme of be prepared from the lion king.

Ah yes, a random tik tokker with one thousand odd likes totally balances out the death threats she gets.

Why the obsession with women?

As if "be kind" was yet another thing to beat women with. The self obsession is strong.

Isn't it ironic that the phrase itself was coined on social media by a very vulnerable, tragic woman yet we ignore that because of her circumstances. So its OK to stand up for women until, well, we dont.

There is a certain irony in the fact that some of those who use that expression are often people who are less than perfect in the kindness showing stakes.

Being kind is always going to be good, and telling kids to stand up for themselves can lead to physical fights, when these confrontations escalate.

If a child smacks another because they said "no" then the violent child is at fault. Like with adult relationships, it's ok to say no to a request. There are posts on here from adults who are people pleasers and it is very sad that they feel guilty about not letting people in their lives constantly take from them without giving.

Do men ever say be kind ?

No, their possession of a penis makes them physically unable.

Be kind is designed solely to abuse women (despite the fact it was coined by a woman who has had one of them worst treatments on social media from other women that I have ever seen).

There is a thread currently running where a woman won't go clubbing or drinking with her friend or spend time with because she "doesnt want to " and would rather spend time with her husband. there are lots of comments congratulating her about saying what she wants and well done her and its okay to say no.

However, in the real world - if my friend wants to do something I dont necessarily want to, I would do it, and you can bet your last dollar shel come with me to something shes not keen on. In the real world, thats friendship.

"no is a complete sentence" is all well and good but what then happens is that the other friend's boundaries have been breached.

You said "not one person" and it took me 3 seconds to find the expression of the sentiment on social media. I'm pretty sure I could find more but I already proved you either wrong or hyperbolic.