To be shocked that in the 21st century there's still a staggering amount of women who rely entirely on their husbands?

[EllieRosesMammy]

I see it far too often on MN, women saying their husbands have been cheating on them for years or treating them absolutely terribly, but saying they can't leave because they are entirely financially dependent on their husbands.

Is it just me who finds this mad in 2022? Or is it still normal for men to be 100% the provider of the household?

I just couldn't imagine being stuck in a rubbish situation simply because of money

I am absolutely in no way slating stay at home mums, or house wives here either. I just believe all women should be self sufficient enough that if they're in a bad situation they can walk away

@limemintice

This is getting a bit stalkery

Might want to take your own advice and reflect on why my views bother you so much.

I literally never claimed that you said 'they should be prevented from doing it' so not sure where that comment came from.

I do think it's odd that you cant respect a woman who makes a decision that isn't one you would make. Specifically a decision she has made because she believes I will bring her happiness and her children happiness. That someone would respect me more if i went back to work after my maternity leave even though it would have made me sad to be away from my little ones and even though I didn't believe that nursery was the best place for them, is strange I think.

Depends on your job thought surely? I love my job

I can't think of any job I'd love.

@3wildones

It came from you literally asking me if you should have made a different choice?

"should have made a different choice just to be more feminist even though I would have been unhappy?'

Why do you need me to respect your choice? It made you happy. Why do you care if I respect it?

Needing such external validation of choices we are secure in is strange, I think.

I can't think of any job I'd love.

But there are those of us who do love our jobs.
My career is very much a part of my identity.

Your views don't bother me TopGub. I do admit find you entertaining in spite of myself. A bit like watching a car crash.

But there are those of us who do love our jobs.
My career is very much a part of my identity.

Good for you. I'm saying my opinion and that if I could get away with never having to work, I would. You wouldn't. Ok?

@limemintice

Is that you're way of saying, oh sorry, I made a mistake.

I do apologise!

🤣🤣

I wasnt implying that you were some sort of fascist trying to ban people being a sahm.

I obviously don't care whether strangers on the Internet respect my choice. I just think it isan odd thing not to respect. I mean I don't respect drink drivers or people who hit their kids but not respecting someone who is making choice that they feel is in the best interests of their family seems odd.

And I was responding to your claim that 'working is shite' by saying not everyone feels the same way.

@3wildones

Of course you think its an odd thing not to respect. You think it's the ideal.

I dont.
I think its an odd thing to want respect for.

Ooooh you took a a few years off for a lifestyle choice. Good for you?

Do I have to respect people who chose to take a few years out to paint or write a book? Or travel to 'find themselves'?

I mean, people can do what they want with their lives. I dont get the need for respect.

Mistake about what? A stalker? I don't need to be a stalker. Every thread with 'SAHM' or 'high earner' in the title, you dominate it like a lunatic. Nobody has ever commented negatively about your work / life set up (because normal people don't need to). You are a cop out because whenever you are challenged, your only retort is "well that's my view." On that logic, anyone can say anything - racist, homophonic, you name it ..., "Oh, sorry to be offensive. It's just my view. Why do you need my validation..,"

Would you tell a woman in an Islamic marriage that you don't respect her, TopGub?

@limemintice

I thought you weren't bothered?

Seem pretty bothered....

I'd say being called bitter, obsessive and now a lunatic are fairly negative and that's before we count all the negative comments about working mums .

I've commented on 1 thread about higher earners and maybe 3 or 4 about sahms/working parents

Although glad you think I dominate!

That's cause so far no one has been able to actually counter points.

It just ends up with wee temper tantrums like this

@limemintice

What do you mean by Islamic marriage?

Islam is as mysoginistic and sexist as any other religion.

I don't respect religious beliefs either

🤷‍♀️

No, i dony think it is the ideal. I think it was the ideal choice for me. For some of my friends I can totally see that going back to work was the right decision for them and their family.
Nor do I think it is a choice particularly worthy of respect. I think it is neutral choice. Not a choice worthy of commenting that you don't respect it.
Some people choose to go ask to work some people choose to stay at home, I see them s equal choices.

I am asking would you say to an individual woman in an Islamic marriage - "I don't respect you."

And I was responding to your claim that 'working is shite' by saying not everyone feels the same way

I never implied that everyone should feel or does feel working is shite though. It's how I feel about working. If I said, "If I never had to eat mushrooms again, I wouldn't, mushrooms are shite" it doesn't mean I'm unaware other people enjoy mushrooms.

@3wildones

I dont.

We view it differently.

The negative impacts of the choice on wider society (entrenching the sexist status quo) mean it can't be neutral.

@limemintice

Because of their Islamic marriage?

I dont get it.

What does an Islamic marriage have to do with anything?

Islam is as mysoginistic and sexist as any other religion.

I don't think everyone who is religious is misogynistic or sexist. I'm atheist but my partner is Catholic. As far as I know, he doesn't have any misogynistic beliefs because of his religion.

@Anxiernie

That doesn't mean the religion isn't

Religious people tend to cherry pick the bits they like

@topgub you seem very black and white in your thinking. The world is shades of grey. I certainly don't think women should make themselves or their children suffer in the name of feminism.

@3wildones

Neither do I.

But a good starting point would be acknowledging how our choices and beliefs help or dont help equality.

Most women and men are trapped by circumstances.

I'm not sure how we change things. Especially in the face of such resistance.

If we cant change things here its no wonder things are going backwards every where else

I am wondering TopGub if you ever interact with people with different types of marriage in real life?

If you find the idea of a SAHM difficult to come to terms with, I just wonder what on earth you would say if some of the SAHMs I know who have different cultural perspectives on marriage were on here. The mind boggles!