To be shocked that in the 21st century there's still a staggering amount of women who rely entirely on their husbands?

[EllieRosesMammy]

I see it far too often on MN, women saying their husbands have been cheating on them for years or treating them absolutely terribly, but saying they can't leave because they are entirely financially dependent on their husbands.

Is it just me who finds this mad in 2022? Or is it still normal for men to be 100% the provider of the household?

I just couldn't imagine being stuck in a rubbish situation simply because of money

I am absolutely in no way slating stay at home mums, or house wives here either. I just believe all women should be self sufficient enough that if they're in a bad situation they can walk away

@Riverlee

Well how do you phase it without implying exactly that ?

Why couldn't you have been mum and worked?

Are you not mum now you do work?

No, but I do wonder where the heck they meet them all (unless they work in the City), as despite going to a fairly decent university I certainly never managed to acquire a wealthy boyfriend, let alone husband!!! In fact I've mostly ended up subsidising my partners....hm, there's a message there....

I had a wealthy boyfriend who I met through friends when we were both studying abroad. We were on and off for years but in the end it never worked out because I was too career-orientated for him. I basically wanted to be a CEO whereas he wanted me to be a CEO's PA. I slogged my guts out to build a City career and be financially independent etc. He's now a multi-millionaire living in Switzerland with a SAHW while he jets around in private planes on business. There are times when I ask myself what the hell was I thinking?! Why couldn't I have been less driven and settled for a comfortable life being funded by him rather than working so hard under so much pressure to be my own person? But I couldn't do it. Still can't (even though I like to pretend to myself that I could). I'd last a couple of days at best. My independence means everything to me (even that it comes at considerable personal sacrifice).

Some women here have the view that traditional women's work is demeaning and that any woman doing it is a traitor to feminism.

It is in fact the patriarchy that places no value on child-rearing and household tasks and too many of the women on this thread really do seem to think that the jobs involved with the home and family are beneath any self-respecting human being.

Personally I have no talent for child-rearing and looking after the house, so I farmed my child out to the expects, but I have the utmost admiration for my friends who are brilliant at home.

It is in fact the patriarchy that places no value on child-rearing and household tasks and too many of the women on this thread really do seem to think that the jobs involved with the home and family are beneath any self-respecting human being.

This is so well put. If you don’t value work that is unpaid and for the most part invisible you are never going to understand the choices made by people who do.

@thesurrealist
My
parents both worked.
Full time.
DM told me
that
DF
kept her short so
she
had to.
Trouble is
this full time was
fifty years of
grunt factory work.
She didnt retire till two months before her 80th birthday.
Now she is paying the price health wise
and
struggles to
lift her hand to brush her own hair.
Shes always worked right from childhood when she was growing up in Italy.
No pearl clutching about child labour over there in late World War 2 or just after.
For a lot of people
who are lower down the socio economic scale working full time in a back breaking job means paying the price with their health. Especially when continuing
to do it way past retirement age.
It leaves them with health problems and then they are told by the over privileged that they must not bother the NHS
or go to A and E.

For the benefit of other PPs.
Not everyone sits behind a desk.

oh and the reason that post is in a state is i copied it before pasting because i knew MN would play up. And i got proved right. @mnhq when are you going to sort it.

@Coyoacan

Except saying men should be doing it and valuing it as much as women do is valuing it.

สูตรสล็อต แนะนำสูตร สล็อต ออนไลน์ ที่จะทำให้คุณชนะเกมสล็อตง่าย ๆ แบบที่คุณไม่เคยได้สัมผัสมากก่อน ถ้ารู้สูตรแล้ว การชนะเกมสล็อตออนลไน์ก็ทำได้ง่าย ๆ รวยกันถ้วนหน้าเลย

@Topgub can you really not understand that some women want to be with their babies and young children for more than an hour or two a day for 5 days of the week? I stayed at home when mine were younger because I wanted them to spend the majority of their waking time with a family member. Because I didn't believe that a nursery was they best place for them and because I loved being at home with them.

@3wildones

I dont understand thinking that either sahm or in nursery full time from birth are the only 2 options, no.

I dont understand being ok with your oh missing out. Or not wanting to work in the longer term.

I wasn't OK with my husband missing out. We shared parental leave so he also got a big chunk of time at home when they are babies. He also works much more flexibility than me and can mostly work from home so sees them more in the mornings and evenings than I would if I was working full time. My husband ultimately wanted to work full time though and I didn't.
For e the only childcare option I had at one stage was a nursery and that wasn't a choice I was comfortable with an under 2 year old.

I have gone back part time but I can understand why other women may not want to. Especially women who had jobs rather than careers as they may not see any benefit.

@3wildones

Why wasn't your oh a childcare option if he took parental leave and is able to work flexibly?

"I dont understand being ok with your oh missing out. Or not wanting to work in the longer term."

TopGub - would you like to explain what you actually mean by this because you keep repeating it, despite the fact absolutely no SAHM on here has in fact reported her husband is "missing out"

You say you don't actually know any SAHMs in real life. Right? So where have you surmised this - maybe a TV show like "The Real Housewives..." or something like that?

So please break it down. How many hours are you declaring that men allowed to work then?

Do share about your husband and his working hours because clearly he is the gold standard the entire planet needs to be aiming for.

Also, how many hours do you work please? The women of the world need to know.

@limemintice

Where have I said on this thread that I dont know any sahms?

I've asked you a few questions that you've ignored yet you think I should answer your incredibly snide questions?

Thats funny

Ask away TopGub. What questions?

You have a lot to say about working hours so I'm asking you how many hours you work. And your husband?

@limemintice

How do I have a lot to say about working hours?

I cant be arsed looking back but the main one you ignored is what do you think people have to be bitter about?

TopGub - are you aware that you are quite er, ubiquitous on these threads?

I don't know what you are bitter about but I doubt you'll find the answers here.

@limemintice

Ubiquitous on, what? All 3 or 4 of them I've posted on in the few weeks I've been on mumsnet?

I'm glad I've made an impression on you but it's hard to argue against what you think I've said rather than what I've actually said.

I dont have anything to be bitter about.

You specifically said that 'people' on the thread were obviously bitter.

So what is it you think they are they bitter about? Can you not answer?

This is so breathtakingly naive it’s eye watering.

TooGub - I'm not going to call you out about your comments in other threads. But I was reading a thread about "high earners" the other week and au recognise gig from that. Let's just leave it at that.

@limemintice

How odd.

So back to this thread.

Could you answer what it is you think people have to be bitter about?

No?

i don't think 'people' have anything to be bitter about.

You keep asking and asking so yes, the truth is, you do come across as very bitter, in my view. Pretty much every post you make is dripping with it. If you are this bothered about the very concept of SAHMs you have never met, I would suggest to you it's not healthy and maybe think about why you are so triggered.

My dad left my mum in the shit. So YANBU. It’s super important to have a career.

@limemintice

Can you explain why you think that?

I dont understand

Bitter about what?

Am I misunderstanding what bitter means?