Debating between these two countries. Which is better to bring children up in?

[Mixedfeelings89]

England or America. I am from England, Husband is American. We are not rich, nor poor therefore we would be living a average lifestyle. My only concern is which country will be better for the children? If we didn't have children I wouldn't really care which country either way. I just want the best for the children. Children are not yet school age, if that makes a difference.

Thanks in advance.

England no doubt.
If I were an an African-American, I’d be making plans to leave imminently. Along with that, their gun laws sicken me.

If you’re really rich then in America you can get anything you want.
If you are anything below very rich then life is HARD. Cost of living is high, housing is high and the crime is so much scarier. Health insurance is a real issue. Do you know how much it costs to have a baby?
Also extreme weather (I have a friend who grew up with traumatic memories hiding from hurricanes).
Childreb being gunned down in primary school?
No maternity leave?

So yeah, I love America but I couldn’t live there anymore. Even on a very high income I’m not sure I could.

I am an American married to a Brit and we chose here to raise our family - our youngest is now 20. I'm glad we did and especially with the changes to the US (guns, god, corruption) in the last 25 years since I've been gone and now that I have a life-limiting illness.

I think asking this question on a primarily U.K. site, you’ll get a biased response. But, speaking generally- obviously depends on the context and industry- the key benefit of the US is that people earn more and pay less tax. Bigger houses in most parts of the country (unless you want to live in Manhattan), big gardens, pools- all that contributes to quality of life.

However, personally I can’t handle the lack of holiday time or insane politics (on both sides) so I’d choose the U.K. I am a dual citizen.

I'm American and my husband is English.
I have brought up my three children in both England and the US. They are currently 30, 24 and 21.

Many of the expats that I've encountered, in either direction, have emigrated due to their jobs with executive perks. That was not us. We emigrated for marriage. My husband was a telecoms engineer when I moved to England and he's currently a small business owner and a professional photographer here in the US. In other words we have regular jobs with a decent income so our situation is different from many other people. No executive perks for us.

I liked living in England and I enjoyed that my children had a decent education and a very good standard of living. I did have a few troubles though because I am a dark-skinned Mexican-American and I did encounter difficulties in the workplace due to my skin color. I let it go but my oldest son did have a difficult time with ethnic slurs and straight-up discrimination. They were handled but it wasn't pleasant. It turned me off of living in England, a little bit, if truth be told.

My oldest and second child did experience culture shock when they moved over to the US. They didn't quite feel as though they belong and only recently, feel American. They're always within three cultures (US/Mexican/UK). I live in an area with a large international immigrant community, which has been accepting but it's the English expats that have made them feel shit and say ugly/ discriminatory comments because again, they don't "look" English or speak like English children. We have not been approved for UK expat groups because of this. That has been a weird eye-opening experience. It would probably not happen with you, OP.

My youngest child was four when we came and she's had a full US experience. It's been good here and it's been positive. All three have gone to good schools, been happy, had good friends. Overall, my husband and I have felt okay about raising our children here.

I will say that it's hard for me to give advice to you though because we raised our children in a different time. We lived in England during Columbine and 9/11. My country changed overnight. I didn't grow up with shooter drills (I was born in 1970). That didn't happen at my children's schools until recently. I have school-aged grandchildren and they have a different experience than their father had. To be honest, even the idyllic English life we had doesn't really exist anymore either.

If you have support in the North of England, I would stay there.

Florida would be great for holidays.

The way the school systems work (at least in NY) used to be paid from how much tax the earners in that area paid. So very rich areas have very good schools as pay more tax. You see where it’s going. Money is everything and even then you get so few holidays.

The new laws coming in are so upsetting and backwards. The Florida don’t say gay law…
Honestly it’s a crazy country.

What a bloody hard question to answer! I have family in the US and I've lived in the UK (didn't have kids then) and I think both offer nice things but it depends on what you value.
What I get from my family in the US is that for the same job, wages are typically higher in the US so you could potentially save more to invest in a house if you decided to get back. Then again, going to the hospital in the US could potentially mean you'll bend up homeless and/or in debt to pay that bill...
I'd also take into consideration any family in the area. Would you be moving to a place where your DH has family? Do you have support where you are in the UK?
Ideally you should sit down, decide on the place, have a rough idea about wages, work out rent or prices for houses, public vs private school (price) and see how much money there would be left at the end of the month. I think living in the UK you'd more or less know how much money you'd be spending at the end of the month but in the US there's more unknown factors, although the potential to save would likely be bigger too.
I shouldn't say this let alone put it in writing.... but to me I think you'd mostly need a great insurance for accidents in the US. For major stuff like surgery or cancer, I'd go back to the UK, because you're entitled to it as a citizen.

US is so large and diverse that I wouldn't have wanted to write it off completely, because there are some communities in amazing locations with great people where you can have a wonderful life there.

But I wouldn't want to live in Florida.

Scotland if UK.

I'm American. Husband English. We live in the Uk. I always say America is a higher standard of living .... Britain is a higher quality of life

I know people in California and it is definitely much better than other parts of the US but they still have issues with it and the homeless problem, for example, is pretty shocking. Racial integration is bad and there are still big issues with universities. For an average person you can definitely afford more in the uk.

Could you expand about the terrified bit?

Is there a third option?

Where do you live now, OP ? If OP is UK national, does anyone know how easy it would be for her to get green card (assuming no criminal record) ?

Almost everyone in the USA, even Spanish speaking, also speaks English.

• for Florida
  great weather 8 months of the year
  your vote truly counts in national elections
  lower cost of living
  Gators are amazing; actually, amazing landscape, recreation & wildlife
  more types of educational & work opportunities

• for north of England:
  fewer mosquitoes
  no school shootings
  less car-dependent lifestyle
  health care != function(job)
  fewer drugs

@Oceanus - I am not sure U.K. citizenship means entitlement to free nhs care in U.K. I thought it was to do with residency. Best to check this out before making a decision OP.

www.nhs.uk/using-the-nhs/healthcare-abroad/moving-abroad/planning-your-healthcare/

Florida is a horrible state. My In laws live there- hot, southern, racist, very conservative, guns.
We decided to raise our kids in the U.K. - there are many, many wonderful things about the USA and some extraordinary cities and places but for us it came down to safety and healthcare.
we do not want to live in a country where our children would have to do shooter drills in primary school. Or where guns outnumber people. And they do.
Healthcare - the system there is fucked. An absolute mess.

Not Florida no way. The politics there are really troubling. Maybe CA (where I lived before) or NY. Although in states with good public schools (compulsory and university) you pay for it in property taxes, which are absolutely insane and a massive shock to the system. Plus the healthcare situation is messed up - so only if I was on a very good healthcare package and in an extremely secure job.

UK is a mess too, but probably less of one on the balance of things.

OP's married to an American national. She can easily get a spouse visa. Given they already have kids, it's easier because the evidence they've been together for long is there for the world to see: kids. The kids make things easier and faster.

Why is Scotland not on the cards... I vote there

North of England definitely

I'd struggle to choose between the London area and Boston or something, but definitely would pick Northern England over Florida.

The UK because of healthcare, education and our gun laws.

I think the US would only be an option if you were very wealthy since that somewhat mitigates the issues with healthcare, education and shootings.

@Namenic I think the OP would always be entitled to some care under the NHS and being British she can legally move back whenever she wants so she'd register with a GP and become entitled to the NHS? You're right, better check!
I haven't lived in the UK for a while but I remember all the ladies going over at 8 months pregnant and accidently having their kids there. If foreigners can do it, surely a British citizen's entitled to the same care?

My friend moved to virginia in 1996, she has a great lifestyle, her DC went to private education, she owns a beachhouse retreat and loves it. I saw the difference when I visited, her friends with huge properties and land by the lake. Although for me as someone who escaped small town for a city it wasnt for me. Holiday - yes but living there nope- driving everywhere, DC over reliant on parents for transport, Healthcare is expensive- so do your research around the benefits of both places and base your decision on considered facts

Do you really want to raise your children in a country where they have live shooter drills at school just in case someone tries to gun them down?