Would you have cried?

[SleepingStandingUp]

Went to Greggs to buy sausage rolls, counted out the cash and put it in the side, turned away to sort something in the buggy, picked up my sausage rolls.

She says you haven't paid. Not rude just politely firm

I insisted I had as I'd paid cash, remember putting it on the counter.

She maintained I def hadn't as till hadn't opened.

I'm checking the buggy in case I've put it back my pockets, my bra the lot. No cash. So I'm saying but I must have, I don't have it any more and start getting upset.

She calls a colleague over, someone offers to pay and by now I'm properly crying because I'm embarrassed someone might think I'm trying to steal sausage rolls.

Someone else offers to pay, staff again refuse to take the money and basically put it through the til as paid.

But by now I'm properly blubbering and saying I'm sorry and that I don't want them to think I'd try and steal it etc. They were v kind, reassured me it was prob a customer who'd picked it up and offered me a cup of tea.

Humiliated enough I thank them and leave.

But as I'm walking through town looking like I've just cried it occurs to me again that this isn't a proportional response, and that everyone must think I'm weird to cry so easily and that at 40 with three kids I should do better.

Is it reasonable to say that I'm being pathetic and need to toughen up already and anyone else would have breezily just laughed it off?

Or am I being unreasonable to myself and my response to stress is normal?

Aww don't worry, I think I'd cry too, it sounds embarrassing and uncomfortable, and who wouldn't feel a bit shit at being sort of accused of attempted theft?

Your bra?

I wouldn't say that response to the situation was normal, but that's not the same as saying it's not ok to feel how you do or you should toughen up. I've had my equivalents, I expect a lot of people have. Those times when the little thing going wrong was the straw that broke me. You go on and on and then something pushes you past that point you can cope. You're human, it sounds like you might be struggling or overwhelmed at the moment? I'll bet that's what a lot of those people thought, they could see that you were overwhelmed and just wanted to help. They didn't think you were pathetic, they wanted to help.

It's important to be kind to yourself. If this happened to a friend would you think they should toughen up or would you ask how they were going and did they need some support? I wouldn't think a friend this happened to was pathetic. I would want to offer help and support if they wanted it. You don't have to be Ok.

I would prob have cried too

Yeah I thought that - I work in retail and it grosses me out when I people pull cash out of their bra to pay 🤢

But no, I wouldn't have cried at that. I'd have probably got madder and madder and walked out.

Don't know how I'd react to be honest, it would probably depend on my mood. Most days I think I'd just laugh it off, if I was feeling low though it might be the thing to tip me over the edge.

It's likely the shop has CCTV so the incident may have been recorded. If you're happy to pay an admin fee of maximum £10 you can demand a copy of any CCTV footage that you were captured on. Just supply them with a photograph so they know who you are and give them the date/time/location. It's a way to satisfy yourself whether someone stole it for example. They're obliged to obscure other people's faces though so you might not find out who the thief was.

I got confused by the vote, others might too. I put YABU first because I thought you shouldn't beat yourself up about this. Then changed it because YANBU to feel the way you feel. Just mentioning as it might make the voting results a bit unclear.

It would depend on the day op or if I was going through something. And honestly I've been going through pnd for 2 years, so maybe.

I wouldn't have cried, I'd probs have had a laugh with the people in greggs.

Is there something else going on if your life that's making you sad OP?

I would have handed the cash to the cashier and not cried.

Last time I heard about something like this (though not in Greggs, in a Premier Stores!) it was a staff member who was taking the money.

I think you should ask for the CCTV footage because you've been robbed.

I’d have been very distressed by that. A horrible lesson learned that people are dishonest and will steal money left on the counter. You always put it in the sales persons hand.

No I wouldn’t have cried I don’t think that’s a normal reaction, I got stopped by a security guard once as the alarm went off and I couldn’t find my receipt it was embarrassing but I didn’t cry. Luckily found it in the end up I was very flustered! I think crying can make you look guilty not saying you was though

You were (indirectly) robbed OP. It’s ok to feel shaken up by that.

Another one grossed out by the bra storage. Money’s gross enough without it also being warm and clammy and knowing it’s just been pulled out of someone’s underwear.

I think something that seems superficially minor could be the tip of the iceberg, or the last straw, if you are already stressed, upset or depressed. Don't beat yourself up about it.

I once took money out of a cash machine but became absent minded and never found what I did with it, and cried because I was short of money and doing that was the last thing I needed at the time.

Sometimes it’s just a combination of things that can set someone off, isn’t it? The incident itself might not have been enough to make you cry on its own, but if you’re hot and bothered and you’re hungry and trying to wrangle a buggy and you’re having this weird conversation in front of other people and you’re starting to question your own sanity and etc etc etc and it all gets too much.

In general, I’m not a crier. I don’t tend to show much emotion or react in an emotional way. But once I turned up for an appointment somewhere and was told it had been cancelled, and for some reason it just finished me off and I started welling up! I was just flustered and there was confusion over whether I’d been informed before and I was feeling like I might be going mad! And then once I got tearful I was embarrassed and cried even more because I felt like such an idiot. Happens to the best of us at times.

Having worked in retail, I have never once seen a guilty shoplifter/scammer cry. They’re usually either calm or belligerent, never tearful. So I don’t think it makes anyone look guilty at all.

We all have off days, so don’t worry about that.

With me, I have stress build up gradually, until one little incident pushes me over the edge and I breakdown or have a meltdown over something minor. It’s the straw that broke the camel’s back.

I wonder if this happened with you. I hope now that you cried you feel a bit better letting that frustration out of your system.

The OP didn't say that she'd pulled money out of her bra - she said that she checked it, in case she had put it in there. And that's not the point of her query.

OP, some days we can storm triumphant through the day caring not one jot what those around us think of us and other days it can be shit and the least little thing can set us off. Please don't add to your stress by dwelling on this. Hope you're feeling a bit better now.

I wouldn't have cried, I'd have told them to check the cctv to see what had happened to it.

I don't normally keep cash in there but it normally ends up as a repository for random kids stuff so it's always worth checking in case I've put something there without thinking

I wouldn’t have started crying about it

I’d have told her that I’ve put the money on the counter already

To confrim, cash not normally on there normally kids toys but it's a stress response as my phone has got lost in there before now

I imagine some do turn on the water works for sympathy like I said not saying the op did..

T h the staff were fine, very kind after it became clear I was upset and the two ladies who offered to pay were lovely and I did thank them. It was £3.30 so not really worth the anxiety and stress.

Thank you @LunaAndHerMoonDragons ,youre right, I'd be much kinder to a friend. I think it's just that I think I'm doing OK emotionally and then something like this happens and it makes me think we am I actually struggling more than I realise iyswim, like should I be tackling it or just letting myself off