Would you have cried?

[SleepingStandingUp]

Went to Greggs to buy sausage rolls, counted out the cash and put it in the side, turned away to sort something in the buggy, picked up my sausage rolls.

She says you haven't paid. Not rude just politely firm

I insisted I had as I'd paid cash, remember putting it on the counter.

She maintained I def hadn't as till hadn't opened.

I'm checking the buggy in case I've put it back my pockets, my bra the lot. No cash. So I'm saying but I must have, I don't have it any more and start getting upset.

She calls a colleague over, someone offers to pay and by now I'm properly crying because I'm embarrassed someone might think I'm trying to steal sausage rolls.

Someone else offers to pay, staff again refuse to take the money and basically put it through the til as paid.

But by now I'm properly blubbering and saying I'm sorry and that I don't want them to think I'd try and steal it etc. They were v kind, reassured me it was prob a customer who'd picked it up and offered me a cup of tea.

Humiliated enough I thank them and leave.

But as I'm walking through town looking like I've just cried it occurs to me again that this isn't a proportional response, and that everyone must think I'm weird to cry so easily and that at 40 with three kids I should do better.

Is it reasonable to say that I'm being pathetic and need to toughen up already and anyone else would have breezily just laughed it off?

Or am I being unreasonable to myself and my response to stress is normal?

I don't think crying is an unreasonable reaction to getting flustered in a stressful situation. What I would have done myself could vary on any given day - sometimes I might just sigh and pay by card/phone, other days I might get (unreasonably?) annoyed with them, and if it was a stressful day and I was rushing with a grumpy toddler, yes I might well cry. And then be thoroughly embarrassed. Don't beat yourself up for it!

Are you tired? The only times in my life I've lack my usual levels of emotional resilience is if I'm on the bones of my arse exhausted.

You can’t let your children see you respond like this to such a mild crisis

they will grow up and have no sense of perspective

Oh bless you. Honestly, no I don’t think I would have cried in that situation at this point in my life but I know at other points in my life I would have cried. Those times would have been when I was feeling more vulnerable for other reasons - whether financially insecure or just not in a great place emotionally. So I suspect your reaction may be because of how you are feeling generally

The other I was supposed to take my cat for a weight check at the vet so she could get her routine flea treatment. The cat is old and got too distressed in her cat box so I couldnt get her there. For some reason I got so upset when trying to explain to the receptionist, almost crying as I asked if there was anything they could do as I couldn't put my cat through the journey. No idea at all why I got so upset, it was really weird. I was quite annoyed with myself! Must be other stuff bubbling up.

I wouldnt have cried but these situations can be so frustrating.
A shop assistant gave me incorrect change and then tried to call me a liar. I told him to check the cameras and I'd be back for my money the next day and walked out. He chased me down the street to give me my money back.

But I didn't have it. If I could have just paid again I would but I hadn't. No bank card, a bit of change, we were going into town to get cash out. No money issues just hadn't got more on me.

Or do you mean you wouldn't have put it on the counter to get picked up by someone else? @Suddha I only put it down to count it as it was in change. Then I think cos I was doing other things, it was gone so I assumed she'd taken it, I would have turned round and picked it up to pass it to her normally

I can’t imagine a man crying if this happened or is it just women that burst into tears any time there is a little bit of a misunderstanding, as that’s all it was. No one thought you was stealing. I’m guessing there is more going on to cause this reaction.

I wouldn’t have paid but I would have just paid again without getting particularly stressed because the cost of sausage rolls is fairly trivial to me and I’m constantly losing things. Is this because you’re stressed about money more generally?

I wouldn’t have cried but I would have probably felt very embarrassed! I’m not a cryer though, genuinely can’t remember the last time I cried. I get angry more often than I cry.

Where are all these kind souls that I read about on here when I need someone to help me? I can honestly say I've never met one - certainly not on the one occasion when I was in distress anyway. Maybe it depends on areas.

Wouldn’t have cried, this should say

I had a problem with a member of staff in Greggs. It had been recorded on CCTV. I was given £50 compensation, which wasn't the point. I just wanted an apology, and yes, I cried in the shop too.

I would have just said I didn’t want it anymore it’s not like it was something they cooked specifically for you and couldn’t just put it straight back.

Or perhaps they’ll understand that you can have marginally extreme responses occasionally and you shouldn’t beat yourself up about them.

And they’ll learn empathy for how the last straw can push someone.

I can’t imagine anyone crying in this scenario tbh

“The last straw”?

Now that you have calmed down I would give them a ring and ask if they can check the cctv and ask if the till was over at end of day when they reconciled the takings

I wouldn't normally cry, no.

But I've had a shit couple of days with a few encounters along those lines and if I were to have another one, yeah, I would probably cry.

So no, you were not unreasonable. Just sounds like an awkward encounter, just forget about it and move on XxX

This

Some days I wouldn't
Some days I would

Some days I cry remembering the words to a song!

The male reaction is not necessarily the default, or correct one.

Thing is I once got stopped in Poundland (I clearly have no MC markers!) for not scanning a bottle and they were right, I'd nearly accidentally knocked it. She was clearly pissed off but I apologised, laughed it off and handed it to the cahsier I'd just left to scan it and paidand we had a joke about it. I think it was actually KNOWING I hadn't done anything that made it worse

I once went to a cafe. I was sitting down and I saw a lady put down money to pay for hers. She turned around to say sth to sb and this shabby looking man who had walked in, just swiftly picked up the money and left. It was really, really fast, like blink and you'll miss it sort of thing. So don't be upset.
I once went to a shop at Victoria's station. I gave the guy coins to pay for sth. He counted it and put it in the till, then he says there's money missing, and he gets money out of the till and gives me less money. I'm 100% sure I gave him the right amount. I raised my voice but then realised I was losing it just by doing that, so I paid again and left.
You're right to feel upset, I would too. I think the person at the till probably took your money while distracted. Don't dwell on it and don't go to that shop again.

This

And please don't put money in your bra

So? Since when we're men held up as the gold standard when it comes to emotions?