Would you have cried?

[SleepingStandingUp]

Went to Greggs to buy sausage rolls, counted out the cash and put it in the side, turned away to sort something in the buggy, picked up my sausage rolls.

She says you haven't paid. Not rude just politely firm

I insisted I had as I'd paid cash, remember putting it on the counter.

She maintained I def hadn't as till hadn't opened.

I'm checking the buggy in case I've put it back my pockets, my bra the lot. No cash. So I'm saying but I must have, I don't have it any more and start getting upset.

She calls a colleague over, someone offers to pay and by now I'm properly crying because I'm embarrassed someone might think I'm trying to steal sausage rolls.

Someone else offers to pay, staff again refuse to take the money and basically put it through the til as paid.

But by now I'm properly blubbering and saying I'm sorry and that I don't want them to think I'd try and steal it etc. They were v kind, reassured me it was prob a customer who'd picked it up and offered me a cup of tea.

Humiliated enough I thank them and leave.

But as I'm walking through town looking like I've just cried it occurs to me again that this isn't a proportional response, and that everyone must think I'm weird to cry so easily and that at 40 with three kids I should do better.

Is it reasonable to say that I'm being pathetic and need to toughen up already and anyone else would have breezily just laughed it off?

Or am I being unreasonable to myself and my response to stress is normal?

Either that or move on from it and think about other things.
I'm having a hellish time at the moment (as in heartbreaking), but it's all about prioritising what's important and what isn't.

I think whether I cried or not would depend entirely on other factors of my life and the day I was having. If I’d been having a good breezy morning without any background information going on I’d have the resilience to deal with it.

That said, when DS was a baby and I wasn’t getting much sleep, money was a continual problem and I was lonely - yes, I also burst into tears about which were quite trivial things. It all depends on context.

Regardless of why, don’t beat yourself up about it. We all lose our composure sometimes and it’s okay when we do.

I’d have cried too op, but I cry at the drop of a hat. Always have. Happy, sad, laughing, angry - I cry. It’s particularly annoying when I’m angry as I can think of great cutting remarks, but can’t get them out because I’m blubbing … which makes me more angry … so more blubbing. Basically, any increased emotion of any kind activates my tear ducts. It sucks.

I wouldn't have cried but would have gone blushed furiously at the thought they believed me to be a thief. I'm sure they realised you weren't & it was a genuine mix up. It was a bit odd transaction though normally you have full concentration on giving them the money and them putting the item on the counter to take.

If you were going to town to take money out then surely you had a card on you??

Why did you cry so quickly? Embarrassment? Is it a usual response for you?

Someone in a shop once accused my uncle for not paying for a paper (he'd bought it elsewhere) & he refused to ever go in the shop again!

I wouldn't cry but I remember my emotions being all over the place when my DCs were small and I was sleep deprived. It also depends on what else is going on in your life and if you've been in a similar situation before.
I'm not particularly disorganised but I've been at the till and realised I've lost my purse or that I've brought the wrong bank card and couldn't remember the pin. I just shrug it off. In the scale of life, no-one is going to remember that time your money went missing when you tried to buy Greggs' sausage rolls.

Did you accept the customers offer to pay?

intrigued that you planned to get money out hence having zero on your, but you didn’t have a bank card on you?

You poor thing. Hope you feel better now.

YWNBU to have cried. I used to cry at fuck all sometimes, some years ago when the kids were little/school age. Not so much now. I'd have just said 'shove your sausage rolls then' and then put in a complaint about her, being so rude. Yes I really WOULD. YOU are the customer and she should have treated you with more respect.

I wouldn't cry now, but when my DC were very little (as I assume yours are with having a buggy) I had days where I was exhausted, overwhelmed, hormonal and generally feeling delicate. So quite possibly I would have then yes. Be kind to yourself, it was just a misunderstanding.

I am also a crier when I get upset - angry, sad, frustrated etc. so I get it. It's really embarrassing as I cannot help it which makes it worse.

But it is an indication for me at least that I'm off kilter anxiety wise. Small kids are tiring and sleep is at a premium I am guessing so that won't help.

Don't feel bad. But look after yourself

I'm probably missing the point massively but why didn't you pay by card? If you were going to get cash out you would have had your card on you?

@PurpleButterflyWings that is a very rude response to a shopworker trying to do her job. The OP should have handed her payment it's not her fault it went missing in the OPs bra or goodness knows where!?

It would be weird to shoplift from a counter, surely easier from the shelves?

Must have been terribly upsetting, so I don’t think you need to feel bad about crying.

Though must say I was bloody livid (as well as very upset) when once stopped at the exit of Asda. I’d gone through the self checkout and hadn’t bothered taking my receipt - never again!
I’d bought steak - a once in a blue moon buy - but there was a small security tag on the back - I hadn’t seen it and there was no alert to summon staff to remove it.

So I had to wait, humiliatingly flanked like a thief by security guards, while they went through the bin to find my receipt. .
Always take your receipt!!

Yes I have asked that too

I wouldn’t have cried, no I might have got annoyed. But I wouldn’t be in the situation as I think it is really rude to put money on the counter and I would never do that, I used to hate it when I worked in retail and people did that.

You were the victim of a crime and then accused by the shop staff of trying to steal I don't blame you for crying at all, I would probably have done the same. I think people are focusing on the 2nd part with the shop staff but having someone steal your money so quickly and unexpectedly like that is actually quite a shock and it's totally normal to have an emotional reaction. If they'd stolen your purse in the street it would be obvious that's frightening and upsetting, I think this is the same situation just more stealthy. You thought you were in a safe place and had your guard down and a criminal took advantage, that is scary. It makes us realize there are threats all around us and we're not as safe as we thought. I think you should be kind to yourself, that was a really normal reaction to a horrible experience.

I don’t cry really, but caught at the wrong moment I could have easily felt the tears coming. I never cried at films until I had children and find that very strange now that I do. Which of us really knows what would bring someone to cry at a specific time.

Earlier this year I was taking my mum and daughter to the ballet. I'd tried over several years to go to the ballet and something bizarre always prevented it (my friend being unhappy with every parking spot in the city and refusing to park so we missed it, for example). Finally, finally everything was on track, long journey there, new dress for dd etc, got to box office and discovered I'd mixed the days up and the show was last week. Cried.

As someone else said it might seem out of proportion to the casual observer but who knows how much shit has been building up to that point. Yanbu

@PurpleButterflyWings did you read about different staff than the rest of us? Direct from the OP:

Not rude just politely firm

Someone else offered to pay, staff again refuse to take the money and basically put it through the til as paid.

They were v kind, reassured me it was prob a customer who'd picked it up and offered me a cup of tea.

Different things upset different people.
Some of us spew tears when angry as well as when sad.
It's ok to let our DCs see that we have emotions, can get upset, and then recover from it. What's not ok is the opposite, teaching our DCs that they have to bottle it all up, surely? Quite surprised at some of the responses to this.

I would have cried too OP

I have done this, it wasn’t the actual situation more a build up of life situations. Went to return an item but ordered online. They wouldn’t exchange without a receipt, I had to try to find the online order and the manager was just a bit rude made it super difficult. So I just cried, I was so stressed and cried my eyes out. Had to walk through town with kids looking an absolute mess. I now refuse to go in that shop out of embarrassment!

Yes I probably would've cried. Later at home I would've calmed down, been embarrassed then cross, and phoned them and asked manager to review cctv.

No, I wouldn't have cried. But I am a stone hearted bitch who very rarely cries. I think people who are 'criers' would have cried in this scenario and I think it is a normal, if unhelpful, response to these sorts of situations.

I would assume you were crying because you didn't have any money left, and perhaps had budgeted and looked forward to a treat, and were now out of pocket aswell as being sausagerolless. I wouldn't have thought that was proportionate, especially in today's climate.

If I were to know that its because you thought you were being accused of stealing I'd think it was a tad disproportionate but I'd just probably assume you were having a really bad day.

I don't know about this situation, but since I'm just in the menopause, I'm crying lots over things I never would have blubbed at before! My kids just say oh mum's menopause now as it's becoming embarrassingly frequent!