"gently move away from..." can fuck off

[MolliciousIntent]

If you'll pardon my french. But I've been trying to "gently move away from" feeding my baby to sleep (as advised by so many on here) and I just don't get how it's supposed to be possible without screaming! I remove the nipple, she thrashes, demands it back, and then sobs if she doesn't get it. As soon as she does get it, fast asleep.

And before I get a huge influx of people telling me to just go with it cs it's normal, I was completely happy to do that until a fortnight ago, when it became impossible to unlatch her without her waking up and screaming. She will literally only sleep with my nipple in her mouth. No amount of gentle this or that will do, it is boob or bust. Ive tried feeding lying down/safe cosleeping but I've got a bad back and literally cannot sustain the position needed for safe cosleeping/boobsleeping without waking up immobilised by pain.

She's 4.5m and I'm genuinely counting down the days to 6m when I can try Ferber.

@Tadpoll you still haven't shared your alternative approach? Seriously, if you think you have nailed getting babies to sleep independently without crying, effectively putting hundreds of sleep consultants out of business, you should share it. Or monetise it.

From their initial post, it's not a no-cry approach, they're just happy to let the baby cry from the getgo and think we're being overly sensitive to not want our babies to be distressed around sleep.

Not of any help in the wee small hours but, this is most likely down to being 4-5 months old. Both of mine did this and I had to ride it out for a few weeks. It does settle. If lo will settle with dad in a separate room then turn about might be a way forward for a while. I usually did night with handover at 6-7am to dh. 2nd had to be bottle fed (still woke if the bottle was moved), neither took a dummy. It will end and become a distant nightmare. I tried cc with 1st and hated it, didn't bother 2nd time. I co slept which made a huge difference when they went through the night terror phases. You will find what works for you but you'll feel like crap for a while.

Not really ’happy to let my baby cry’, no.

It’s more about accepting that babies do cry. And when they do, it doesn’t mean they’re being psychologically damaged. It’s normal for babies to have a little cry before they fall asleep. The problem is that mums have been told it’s damaging, so the guilt means they’re terrified to let their babies cry at all. As a result the baby never learns to settle happily by itself.

I never let my babies cry for long periods. But I didn’t rush to them, and they (generally) soon settled themselves. Some had dummies, some didn’t, depending on whether they wanted one.

I’m not falling into the trap of sharing my ‘routine’ because you’ll say ‘Tried that and it didn’t work’.
But I would advise an approach where the baby is awake for a good while straight after feeding.

You can think I’m heartless or less of a mother for not co-sleeping or feeding to sleep but they were all happier - and I was happier - because they were getting a good night’s sleep on their own in their cot.

I believe that lack of sleep is far more damaging (for everyone) than a little bit of crying as they settle. Not expecting you to agree with me but all I know is that it worked for me with three very different babies.

So no need to attack!

@Tadpoll I would say an hour is a very long time for a newborn! That's certainly not "a little crying before they fall asleep".

I don't believe that crying is inherently damaging but I do believe when our babies are tiny it is our duty to respond to their needs as much as we can. It may be inconvenient but that's babies for you. The type of training you described upthread is generally held to not be developmentally appropriate for babies under 6m.

@Tadpoll I think the 'attack' comes as you've come across a bit superior with your criticism of responsive parenting. It's quite natural to respond to your babies cries, it's how they communicate distress, and to put it down to bad advice from health visitors and baby books is a bit insulting.

Everyone has a different approach, but what you've described as letting a newborn baby 'have a little cry' before falling asleep is essentially the same as crying it out, which even advocates of the CIO method don't recommend until after 6mo.