"gently move away from..." can fuck off

[MolliciousIntent]

If you'll pardon my french. But I've been trying to "gently move away from" feeding my baby to sleep (as advised by so many on here) and I just don't get how it's supposed to be possible without screaming! I remove the nipple, she thrashes, demands it back, and then sobs if she doesn't get it. As soon as she does get it, fast asleep.

And before I get a huge influx of people telling me to just go with it cs it's normal, I was completely happy to do that until a fortnight ago, when it became impossible to unlatch her without her waking up and screaming. She will literally only sleep with my nipple in her mouth. No amount of gentle this or that will do, it is boob or bust. Ive tried feeding lying down/safe cosleeping but I've got a bad back and literally cannot sustain the position needed for safe cosleeping/boobsleeping without waking up immobilised by pain.

She's 4.5m and I'm genuinely counting down the days to 6m when I can try Ferber.

Have you tried putting the nasty-tasting stuff to stop nail biting, on your nipples?

Never tried it myself, but have heard that it can work.

She sounds exactly like my DD!!

I didn't work so I was had the 'luxury' of walking around like a depressed zombie for 13 months. Scratch that. I was a depressed zombie for 13 fucking months.

Nothing would do except the nipple. No one understands unless they've been through it before.

Yes you have to break the association of the nipple to fall asleep - and you...

You have the breasts with the milk. Your DH does not!

So as long as she's with DH and being comforted, then that's all she needs.

We did cosleep for 13 months. I got a huge mattress on the floor and then never worried about her falling off etc. I don't have a bad back either.

However after 13 months I couldn't take it anymore.

DH took a week off work and slept with her every night. For the first 3 nights she screamed quite a lot on and off. But in the end she lasted 7pm to 5:30am which was just about OK. ~And I never fed her to sleep again. Those days were OVER.

I agree your DD is too small for that but you could give to DH in between the sleeps so she gets a new sleep association.

She sounds like a bright kid! And you're right cry it out at 4 months doesn't work. They'll just keep screaming. i tried it. So shoot me down. 1 week later and she was still screaming constantly so it was back to cosleeping and the boob....

Thank God those days are over.

sorry if this has been recommended already, but the best way to get babies like this (mine was) to unlatch is to squish their face into your boob. They will open their mouths to breathe and let go at the same time.

I totally feel your pain btw-I had a blithe, outgoing baby by day and a clingy non-sleeper by night.

I had this issue, she wouldn’t take a dummy or bottle. I introduced a soft muslin with satin edge put it in her hand with every feed and after a few months she associated it with comfort and would use it as a sleep aid instead of me. She’s 8 and still sleeps with it.

Apologies I mistook your issue as being for naptimes. I see it is for night time sleep as well.

I co-slept lying sideways. She would fall asleep with my boob in her mouth and I would too. If she woke up again (and I was going crazy, many times), Dh would take her and put her in a buggy and walk her to sleep around with her in the biggest room in the house (then, our kitchen). At least it gave me a small break form night duties and the ability to keep on my back without a warm bundle next to me.

@GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER the poster is trying to move away from feeding to sleep, not abruptly stop breastfeeding (which is an awful suggestion even if the poster was asking for advice on stopping breastfeeding, hello distressed confused baby and a serious case of mastitis). Her baby is 4 months old, feeding to sleep and not wanting to unlatch.

I had this issue too it's a tough age developmentally. For me I still fed her to sleep but just introduced rocking and humming aswel. Then eventually stopped the feeding to sleep and just rocked/ hummed, then slowly phased out rocking and humming until I was just cuddling her to sleep. For me the ferber method just wasn't something I could do, I just couldn't leave a baby cry without comforting her it's WAY to distressing for me. She is 13 months now and I still cuddle her to sleep but she sleeps the whole night in her own bed so I'm not bothered.

My daughter was the same. Cried constantly if not on the boob. Eventually got her on a dummy. Maybe try a few. I remember hanging up clothes, crying, asking her why she couldnt give me 5 minutes of rest. She is 18 now and generally fine 🤣

This is what we did when DS was a similar age.

Your baby has two parents. Don't struggle for a solution on your own, when there's a solution ready that involves her dad!

This sounds so difficult! I have a 9 month old who never took to breastfeeding so I can't relate to that, but he has never been a good sleeper (we do cosleep).

I must say I don't agree with sleep training but that isn't really what you're asking; your current set up isn't sustainable at all, having to lie in an uncomfortable position all night! I wonder if trying a few different dummies could work, I found a link to the best ones for breastfed babies. Perhaps trying them at times when she isn't wanting to feed may be helpful to get her used to them when she isn't expecting boob.

Failing that, I'd go with what others suggested and get your partner to settle her so she comes to get used to being comforted by someone without being latched. Then she may find it easier to be soothed by you this way.

Re the sleep training, have a look at Georgina May sleep. It's a very gentle approach that's recommended by the Beyond Sleep Training Project (they're on Facebook if you want to have a look and may also be able to offer advice).

Wishing you all the best, from another tired mum!!

www.motherandbaby.co.uk/reviews/first-year-products/best-dummies-for-breastfed-babies/

Great your OP is supporting you to break the cycle and association of feeding and sleeping. Second laleche -.really practical and non-judgemental, supportive, the website www.laleche.org.uk

I fed to sleep, but my buns would only sleep on the boob during the day. It finally broke me when I was exhausted and had a painful back. Something had to give. My husband had to step in to sleep train because I couldn’t . I remember it being really traumatic, but my gorgeous kids are happy and health now.

You'll get there

If this is just happened the last week, do you think she could be teething and seeking the nipple to comfort her from the pain? If so have you tried a bit of teething gel or calpol?

Maybe I should just ask DH to put DD so sleep every night, because I often feel like I can't take it no more...

This!!!

It's a long time since I experienced this and I don't have a clue who or what Ferber is.

However, I did have a DC who wanted night feeds beyond 6 months and cried unless picked up and fed.

In the end, I allowed her cry and didn't pick her up. It lasted about 3 nights then she got the message. It wasn't easy but it worked.

This is really random but…

I started watching ER when my son was born and I would put an episode on in the evening when it was time to feed to sleep. He’s 8 months now and all I have to do is play the ER theme tune and he’s asleep. Don’t know if it’s worth maybe having a song playing each time you feed.

If not a dummy will she take your finger?

She is not nearly a Newborn, she is 5 months old. Let her scream, nothing is going to happen to her. You have lots of advice on here from mums who have been through it. You rebuff any kind of advice as if your the only one going through it. OP relax, your little one is learning to cry to get her own way. Relax and listen to others, otherwise no point in posting.

Crying in arms doesn't raise cortisol in the levels seen as babies crying alone. The method I have outlined should limit the need to do CC or CIO and therefore left crying alone.

Terrible suggestion. Milk is the baby's only source of food!

Yeah that one blew my mind. The last thing I need is for her to develop a breast aversion.

I introduced a dummy but the only type they would take was one of the old fashion cherry style ones.

This doesn't help you in any way, but why did you ever meet her to sleep in the first place? Do you eat as you're going to sleep yourself?

But yes, feed her, burp her, change her, lights low, no stimulation etc, in the cot/moses basket half awake, and let her cry/or do the shush/pat method with no eye contact. They need to learn to self soothe. It won't traumatise her in later life. It'll be 3 days of pain for you and then it'll be fine.

*feed

Because feeding to sleep is completely normal and developmentally appropriate for newborns?

Id be more interested in how you stop your baby falling asleep on the breast.